Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Balancing Act

I find myself in a weird place as of late with posting. Things have been really good with Coach and I and I can’t help but think that reading about fun domestic weekends is only so entertaining for you guys.

I also find myself at an awkward crossroad about sharing sexual details. I mean when I’ve been casually dating, ok let’s be honest casually sleeping with guys in the past it’s no big deal to share all the dirty details. But I feel like I’m at that point in my relationship with Coach where maybe it’s time to tone it down a bit.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that in recent posts I’ve been more reserved. It’s an odd place to find myself - one I certainly never expected. I will also say part of my reserved-ness is from a protective standpoint. After everything that went down with our breakup I feel like I need to protect the relationship more. When I was with Duckie I was a closed book. No one knew anything about our relationship. Then over the last year I became wide open and everything was out there for everyone. I think that in the days after our breakup I figured out I need to find some balance between being closed and being wide open.

I actually talked to my counselor about that quite a bit the last time I saw her. She helped me realize that I tend to feel "guilty" for my right to make my own decisions and that I have a find a balance with my personal relationships (love/friends/family/work/etc) about how much to share and how much to withhold. She also said I need to work on defining all the relationships in my life and what I want/need/expect from them instead of always focusing on trying to be everything to everyone else.

The evolution of Miranda is far from over...


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