Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

Well it was another interesting weekend in the life of Miranda. Friday night my friend D and I went to a Halloween party and then to see her boyfriend’s band play and there were a couple stories I thought you might enjoy. Starting off - At the Halloween party, it was at the house of my super sweet, beautiful hair dresser friend “A” that I’ve mentioned in the past. Long story short, we became friends last year because we were both going through a divorce and I’ve spent a lot of time with her going out over the last year to see her boyfriend’s various bands (yes it seems like the majority of my friends date guys in bands and therefore, I’ve become a local groupie). So anyways, her boyfriend has a history of less than stellar faithfulness, which is insane because if there was ever a catch it’s my friend A. More than once I’ve felt like he flirted inappropriately with me but I just try to ignore that as much as possible – even though I think he’s smoking hot and if he wasn’t a good frien...

Forgive the cheese factor but yall know my struggles with my relationship with Coach and unless you're clueless, you see how the situation Jules is in with Gavin mirrors it in a lot of ways.  So here's my long distance dedication to Jules!  Hang in there! It does get better with time, not saying that it disappears completely but it definitely gets easier. Love, Miranda

Just a quick post to say that this is such a fucking struggle...I actually talked to Gavin this morning. It seems after more ignored phone calls last night and this morning, he needed an additional reminder that I don't want to see or talk to him. He's totally confused as to why I changed the rules and my mind on how I want this to be....I don't think I've ever met anyone this stupid. Sadly, I have to admit it's still tearing me up. I want to just say "fine" and see him, but I'm NOT. Like I said, my ego is involved now and I know if I don't do it now, I'll just have to do it all over again in a little while. There is NO sense in prolonging the inevitable and it won't get easier to do again later, it will only get harder. I really liked it when he wasn't here. He keeps asking if we can't just be friends, of course we can't...moron. On that note of all things fucked, Owen emailed me this morning to tell me he's going back to...

I swear I feel like I'm working toward recovery. Gwyn and I were discussing it today and I've decided we must form Bad Relationships Anonymous. Gavin had not called at all since our tense convo/voice mails on Monday. I was doing a really great job of moving the fuck on, until he called me 6 times from the airport asking me for a ride home from the airport last night. I actually laughed out loud that he would assume I would not only pick him up and drive him home, but would want to hang out with him after that. Once I knew he was safely on the plane, I called and left a voice mail telling him that I would not be there to pick him up and that I did not want to see or talk to him again. I said I was pretty damn certain in the past few days he had not given up cocaine or broken up with his gf and since NOTHING had changed, I really didn't have anything to say. This did not deter him from calling me back 4 more times last night after he landed. Either he's totally obsessed...

I found something the other day...my self esteem. I've missed it for the last year and a half. I'm not sure where it went, but I guess a divorce will do that to you. At any rate, Jules is BACK. I mean the old kick-ass version of Jules that most of you have never met.  I am no longer hooking up with washed up addicts. I am no longer making concessions for people that don't belong in my life. By this I mean,  I am no longer fucking Gavin. I am officially done. When I'm done with you, I am over it. When I finally get to that point, you have reached the point of no return. The thing that pushed me over was re-reading old blog posts, realizing what a total asswipe he is, and realizing that I am essentially playing second string to his washed up addict gf (who didn't but very well could have given me herpes) and that very thought grossed me out on so many levels. I am not second choice to someone like that. I am so much better than this (read them). I understand there...

TMI is brought to you again this week by tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com 1. Name 5 things you did more of before social networking (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)? Watched more TV, read, wrote emails, actually searched things out on the Internet, and called people when I wanted to know what was going on in their lives. Incidentally, FB is the only social network I use. - Jules Talked on the phone and wrote emails.  That's about it really.  I'm only on Facebook too. - Miranda I spent more time on the phone (texting, talking, etc.) and definitely wrote more emails. I may have watched a little more television. I worried less about what my friends were doing, that's for sure. Ok that's all I've got...4 out of 5 ain't bad! I'm on FB and recently set up a Tumblr to catalog my Hawaiian adventures for my friends and family back home. -Gwyn 2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out? Um, my kid... - Jules Well aside from my kids and the cat, my...

It’s been a clusterfuck of OMG around here the past few days and just when you thought Jules’ life couldn’t get any more insane! After the marathon makeup sex with Gavin a week and a half ago, I was really sore. I felt like he’d scratched me and I had a few places that were hurting. We had super rough, crazy sex so I didn’t worry about it at all. Then, I had sex with Owen after that. Owen sent me a text last week saying that he had bumps all over his cock and on his balls. He said it looked like a problem from shaving, but that he was freaking out a little about it because it itched. Then last night, he sends me a picture and tells me that it’s not healing.    Since I’m still a little sore I started freaking out, even though I don’t have the spots that he does.    Of course, we went right to it being herpes because I swear that’s exactly what it looked like. I was terrified that I’d gotten it from Gavin and given it to Owen, but then Owen texts me this morning to te...

So besides lecturing Jules the last few days, I have to say Miranda had an awesome weekend. Definitely one of those that made me completely enjoy the absence of boys in my life and remind me how many good friends I have. It all started Thursday with an awesome concert with my sister, her husband, and my sister in law. As it seems to occur, while I was there my phone was blowing up with texts from Grandpa Twin, College Crush, and even McQueen. Friday was dinner with the girls and a skype date with Gwyn. It was so funny to sit and talk to her while she was on the beach in a bikini and we were all freezing wearing sweaters and jeans and boots. And McDreamy was with her and everyone kept wanting to see him and he’d sneakily edge in the side of the picture and all the girls would yell. It was like our own live version of Where’s Waldo. He was definitely a good sport, even when Gwyn sneakily turned her phone so the girls could see a full on glimpse of him. Odd moment of the night award ...

Clearly and rightfully so, many of you are worried that I've lost my damn mind. I may have, but I have not done it without a great amount of thought and I'll be the first to tell you all that I'm not sure how it's going to go. He's willing to make some changes though, thus I'm willing to let him attempt it. I'm a social worker and I have to have some faith that people can change. That being said, I also have known and worked with and lived with many an addict in my life, so we'll see. The part about him not being willing to change for himself is the real stickler in this...because he's not there yet. The New Rules 1. He will not be around Chloe at any time in a manner where her safety is in his control. He will not babysit for me and he will not be in control of any device (car, truck, kayak,surfboard, etc.) where he controls her safety. 2. There will be NO cocaine around me...period. It is not allowed in my house or in my presence. 3 I'm al...

I was raised Catholic and if you sinned you simply went to Confession, confessed, and said your 10 Hail Mary's or whatever. Now I'm an atheist, but "Forgive me Father for I have sinned...". I caved. Last night was in my mind a farewell fuck, but in his mind it was something else. He claimed it was the beginning of something different with us. He needed to see me and I allowed it. Today, I'm sure it wasn't an actual farewell fuck, but it does feel different. It feels like a 'be careful what you ask for moment'. He walked into my house and grabbed hold of me. I reiterated that I wasn't fucking him, and told him that  if he wanted to talk than we could do so. He laid on my bed and pointed out that he wasn't high and that he was taking baby steps toward what I wanted. I said baby steps weren't a enough and he could call me when he was ready to take giant steps. He replied that he really was trying and it was painfully obvious on his face th...

With all the kissing I’ve been doing lately it’s been making me ponder. Kissing is really an odd thing in and of itself. In some ways it seems more intimate than actual sex. And everyone kisses so different! I thought it would be fun to do a little trip down memory lane and share with you some of the kissing styles I’ve encountered. For the record, I think there’s just the right mix of tongue and lip action. Wet but not too wet. I love when it starts out with just gentle lip kisses and a guy rubs his lips over mine before progressing to full on tongue kissing. And the best kisses go back and forth between just lips and full tongue along with well timed breaks when a guy kisses down my jaw to my ear or neck. I also love love love when a guy touches my face when we kiss or puts his hands in my hair. Lawyer Boy was an interesting kisser. He didn’t use a lot of tongue but there was a lot of lip kissing and lip biting/sucking. As ADD as he was I expected him to be all over the place but ...

Friends are here to support you to keep you from making stupid, harmful choices.    Thank you to Gwyn and Miranda (and quite a few others…Adam, Damien, my work husband, Russell, my bff, etc)!    I’ve done an amazing amount of insightful thought the last few days. I’ve also relapsed some.   Monday night I did not return his call acting like nothing had ever happened. Tuesday, I was not so strong. Gavin called me Tuesday morning telling me that he was super sick and that he thought he had this really bad, almost lethal illness that he’d contracted once before that landed him in the hospital. Please note that I’ve since discovered he’s a total hypochondriac after subsequent phone calls resulted in him diagnosing himself with a kidney stone.    I called him back a few times and didn’t get an answer, which did actually make me worry.   Then I called him again from the airport before I left Maui to come home yesterday and he answered and said he’d just...

Last night I was hanging out with McDreamy when one of his friends from home called him. They were chit chatting and naturally the conversation turned to me, his wonderful and amazing girlfriend! What happened next is a replay of a conversation I've heard so many times I can't keep track. Basically, one guy calls another guy and gives him a hard time about having a girlfriend...about spending time with the girlfriend...makes fun of him for being faithful...picks on him and says things like "what are you getting married to this chick?"...essentially shames the guy for being in a relationship. I don't understand it. Sure, girls can turn into man-hating male bashers pretty quick but not unless it's provoked aka the guy cheated on our friend, he treats her like shit, etc. We don't just call up our girlfriends and start railing them for having a boyfriend. We may lament at how we don't get to spend as much time together but as long as the man is treatin...

Over the weekend on Plenty of Fish I got a classic message. Too good not to share. Here’s the gist of it. From Him - Hi there. I’m NAME. I’m 42, single, and have four great kids. I know that’s a lot of kids but they are great and I have no drama with my ex, well not as much drama as others. Don't worry I'm not looking for a mom for them, they already have one, though she's not much good these days.  I’ve been divorced for over four years now and I’m looking for a nice woman who has her life in order and understands that my kids come first. Your profile is great and you seem like you’d be a lot of fun to hang out with. This might be a deal breaker but I believe in being honest. In July I broke up with my girlfriend and needed a place to live so I moved back in with my ex-wife. I live in the basement but I’m planning to move out in a month or so and I’m going to try to take custody of my two youngest kids. The ex might fight me about child support but the kids will be be...

Do you ever step back from your situation and notice all the signs that were there? With regards to the Gavin situation, they have been everywhere lately. It started with me being let in on the murder plot brewing between my mother, Gwyn, and Russell on ways to kill him and get away with it. It’s also been evident in how often I’ve been angry, upset, etc with him lately. I’m thinking back and realizing how long it’s been coming and I just looked the other way. It has even manifested itself in my dreams. I dreamt last week that Owen and Gavin met at my Dad’s house. (Um yeah, that doesn’t take a psychologist to analyze.) Owen was getting into my car and Gavin pulled up. Owen looked at me with shock and asked how I knew him and then told me that his wife knew him and noted what an addict he is. I left with Owen and when I came back, Gavin was gone in the dream. Additionally, every single person in my life (even Gavin’s friend, Damien) has told me how bad he is for me and how much more I ...

I ended it today. I did it in a chickenshit way as my Daddy would say, but I did it. Gavin called me repeatedly today to hang out and I ignored his calls. Finally, I called him back and I told him that I have serious feelings for him and either I need to start actually dating him and I'm not dating an addict so he needs to get it together or I need to be done. He went into this thing about still having a gf and such and I told him that I was just done.He threw up Owen and all too. How can I have feelings for him like that when I'm seeing someone else as well? I just let it go and stood my ground.  Then, I sat on the beach and cried for an hour and a half, drove home, took a bath and cried some more, and pulled it together long enough to get through dinner. He had called again while I was eating and asked what my ulterior motives are for this. He thinks I'm going to Maui this week with Owen instead of going for work like I really am. He thinks today I was doing something e...

This has always been my breakup theme song. Yep, Jules has one. It's from High School and just as applicable today. I know it's a Byrd's song, but I love me some Tom Petty. Basically, I realized what a horrible addict Gavin is today and then I realized what a horrible addict I am...our drugs are different, but the addiction is the same. He invited me to join him at the local sushi bar for a beer today and while I was there with Chloe and her friend, he called his dealer and ordered up. For real...I'm not making this shit up. I am so dating my father and it SUCKS. We had plans to hang out after the sushi bar and take the girls on a kayak. I told him if he didn't cancel that order, I had no intentions of hanging out with him. He didn't and I got up and left him sitting there. I called him and told him I was over it and I was done. I texted Miranda and Gwyn and told them what he'd done and they both agree wholeheartedly that he's a waste of space. WE DO N...

Since my colossal breakdown on Monday night, which admittedly had much more to do with my issues than his, things have been back on in the Gavin department (much to the dismay of my roommates and apparently all of my friends and family). I maintained my refusal to see him Tuesday night and instead spent 2 hours sexting with Owen that night. Wednesday we were chatting on the phone while I was at work and I asked him what he was doing later that night. His reply "Fucking you, I hope!". Gavin called on my way home and asked when I would be there. I told him I was almost home, but I wanted to spend some time with Chloe and Gwyn and that he could cum over later around 9pm. He did and after Gwyn and I finished watching another insane episode of Mad Men, I went into my room and bounced up and down on his hard cock for a good long fuck. When my legs were tired, he pulled me over to the bed and held my legs up and fucked me some more until he came. He stayed for a little bit watchin...

Miranda’s been a busy girl.   Date with McQueen Saturday night – kissing threshold breeched!   New job Monday - Tuesday – zonked and overwhelmed by new info but loving every minute of the new job so far and not just because my boss is   going to get me an iPhone!   I want to give Sarge props here because Monday, aside from the girls and my family, he was the only guy in my life to wish me good luck that morning and tell me I was going to be great at my new job.   Awwww J Tuesday night I also threw Motorcycle Man a bone and had dinner with him.   The 411 on Motorcycle Man – he’s a guy I dated off and on last summer. Very sweet and very redneck but he actually has a brain.   He’s lots of fun to talk to.   He’s mid 40s (45 I think), had a great body, and has a huge cock. One of the biggest I’ve seen.   He’s got both length and girth going on.   Enough about that though, last spring/summer we dated off and on and he really liked me and wan...

Things have taken a turn here, a sharp turn right into Crazytown. I allowed Gavin to take me there. Well, that's not entirely true. I hitchhiked there. I've had a rough week. I've had a lot of Daddy issues this week. My brother and his wife had their baby last night and while I am over the moon happy for them, it was a really bittersweet day because it's the first really big thing I've missed. I'm going home in a few weeks, but there was no place on Earth I wanted to be more than in that hospital last night and I wasn't. I was 5000 miles away. Meanwhile, my Daddy was about 5 miles away and couldn't bother himself to go b/c he's an addict and he was tired. (Incidentally, when I talked to my brother today he still had not seen hide nor hair of him...very disappointing.) I cried most of yesterday as a result of this. It started the night before when Russell mentioned how unlikely it is that my father will ever come back to Hawaii. He can't physi...