There She Blows!

Yesterday I chewed out Coach for acting like a frat boy and for the kid situation.  I’ve been struggling with the long distance lately and I think it just has built up and came out in volcanic proportions yesterday.  Ok maybe not volcanic but it was definite a geyser of frustration. 

I don’t know what’s going on.  July has just been a bad month for us.  Our communication has been off and frankly, he’s been getting on my nerves lol.  The acting like a college frat boy is my realization that many of Coach’s bad habits come from him living like a party boy for the last three years with little if any responsibilities.  He’s still very much a fly by the seat of his pants kind of guy.  I mean hell he doesn’t even budget his money.  Just spends whatever he wants whenever he wants (which has led to him overdrawing his account more than once in the last few months).  Constantly reinjuring his self.  I really don’t want to bitch about his faults.  We all have them but I think at the root of it is I’m starting to feel like I’m a grown up dating a college kid and it’s annoying me right now. 

The part of my eruption with the kid situation led me to essentially accuse him of lying by asking if he even had an actual custody agreement.  He swears he does and through the “conversation,” he told me his oldest son, who is 11, has expressed not wanting to be around me.  Coach said he’s been trying to talk to him some and figure out what’s going on. 

I told him he was the parent and after 8 months of dating if he was going to let his 11-year-old make decisions for our relationship then I wasn’t going to be in this relationship.  I told him it was time to be a grown up and fix the situation.  Yeah I essentially threw out an ultimatum and that’s never a good sign. He's coming home this weekend so we'll just have to wait and see how it goes I suppose.

I know I’m frustrated with him and that long distance relationships are harder than normal ones but I’m also just generally frustrated with life.  I kind of wonder if I’m so frustrated with other things that I can’t change, that I’m picking apart our relationship since it’s one of the few things I can “control.”  Does that make sense?  I’m also starting to think I may really have some low-grade rolling depression going on for some reason.  I guess I need to keep an eye on that and my therapist on speed dial in case I need a mental health check up.

Miranda