Sunday, July 3, 2011

PMS - Proceed with Caution

Call it whatever you want but the few days before I start my period I turn into a literal monster. As women, we all know the feeling but I've started to wonder if men fully understand how crazy those 3-4 days really make us.

On Thursday I went to the gym after work and on my way home I got stopped at a red light. As I sat at that light, with no provocation whatsoever, I suddenly had the urge to strangle someone and light them on fire. Ok maybe that's a slight exaggeration but it's not far off. I got so furious sitting there that I could feel myself tensing up and clenching my teeth. After about a minute of feeling this unbridled rage, I thought to myself "What in the world are you mad about?" I had no idea. I wasn't mad at a person or at a thing or at anything that was happening at the time. I was just pissed at the world for no apparent reason and there is only one explanation for that kind of anger - P M S.

Most times I catch my PMS before it affects the lives of others but on occasion I don't notice it until after I've cried at a cat food commercial. In the above referenced situation, I did notice what was going on and immediately texted Miranda to tell her I may be losing my mind. Once I realized what date it was I knew the anger would pass in a day or two but being aware of it doesn't make it go away. It just gives you the ability to warn others to stay out of your path until you are no longer possessed by your hormones.

I've often wondered how many divorces/fights/breakups/world disasters have happened while the woman had PMS. It turns otherwise gentle and giving human beings into evil devil-eyed monsters. And don't even get me started about the fun that ensues when a group of girls sync up on their periods and all have PMS at the same time. Holy fun times. You may as well lock us in a cage and make bets on who comes out with their head still attached.

So for all the men out there who think PMS is just an excuse to act like a bitch - let me assure you this is not the case. Think of PMS like you think of your penis, it has a mind of its own and it can cause a whole heap of trouble if you let it. My advice to you is to restrict the conversations you have with us during this special time to "Yes honey" "Would you like a tub of ice cream?" "Let's go to the boxing gym and punch some people" and "You're right that lady at the store had no right to ask you if it was going to be credit or debit."



  1. I just logged on to post essentially the very same post...ROFL. I cried over the Season Finale of Weeds Season 6 this week. I just yelled at Gavin for assuming a cream in my bathroom (which is for a face rash I had...lovely) was for a STD and then I pretty much hung up on him and refused to take his calls. I may have found us a Hawaiian cure though...awa. It tastes like ass, but it mellows the soul. You just have to be willing to pound one (or 6) a day during this dreadful time.

  2. OMG my PMS is getting worse...and I now have to make a monthly disclaimer to my closest friends and to FG...Do not listen to anything I say, or anything I suggest during this time of month! In fact, best to ignore me altogether!