Saturday, July 30, 2011

Sealing His Own Fate

I woke up this morning and got up before Coach. I was hopefully that today would go better than last night. I got on my gym clothes and was sitting on the couch when he got up.  We talked for a few minutes and things felt ok.  He said he was going to go over to his parents while I was at the gym. 

He jumped in the shower and I heard his phone ring.  As a joke a long time ago I set the ringtone to be the wicked witch theme for his crazy EX and that’s who was calling.  He got out of the shower and I told him the EX had called and he said I wonder what she wants.  I laughed bitterly and said you know she wants to know when you’re coming to see the boys.  He said that wasn’t going to happen and he kissed me bye and I went to the gym.

55 hard minutes later I finished on the elliptical and strolled out to my car feeling mildly refreshed after getting out some long held aggression.  I jumped in the car and pulled out my phone and had a couple text messages. One from Gwyn and one from Coach.  Coach’s said, “You were right. I’m going to take the boys to lunch.”

I didn’t text him back.  I went home and jumped in the shower and started getting ready to head down to the pool for a few hours when I noticed he’d taken all his stuff with him. Guess he knew I was going to be pissed and he wasn’t going to be welcome back here today.  I caved to my anger down by the pool and sent him a text asking why he was running (again) and why he wouldn’t do what was right.  He responded, “I hate being pulled like this. You deserve better than this and it just kills me that everyone can’t be together.”  I said back, “You’re right I do deserve better. And according to you we can all be together. You’re just choosing to shut me out.” 

No response in the following six hours.  I bet good money he’ll get drunk and text me tonight.  I will admit it’s hard not to text him. I feel like I want to rail and rant at him.  It won’t do any good though.  Everything I’d say he’s already heard before. 

It feels weird. When we broke up before I was so upset and sad.  I kind of feel just angry, frustrated, and weirdly blank thinking that this is going to be the end of us.  I’ve been thinking about it this week. Kind of probing the idea with my mind, seeing how I’d feel so maybe I’ve just prepared myself more for it to end this time. 

Now I just need to get my damn key back from him.


1 comment:

  1. I get the whole wanting to spend time with his kids, as i know you do...but this jumping and running every time the ex calls, is just sick. Those poor kids are gonna have some issues.
    Be strong, in a little over a month you will be in HI, washing the bad vibes off in the ocean and multiple bottles of wine!