Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

The past week has been a pretty wild ride.  I’ve been so worried that I’d only focus and focus and focus on the anniversary of my dad’s death.  I’ve had a few low moments and one hard day but there has been so much weird, fun, odd, and crazy things that have happened it’s given me a lot to focus on other than my dad’s death. Grandpa Twin is back with a vengeance trying to win me back over. He knows he screwed up big time.  First he was just emailing me but by today he is back to texting and telling me how attracted he is to me and how much he likes me.  I’m very whatever about him now though.  I so don’t want that drama and his issues. If he gets himself straightened out one day I’ll go out with him again but as I’ve said from the beginning, I just don’t think there’s a future there for us. Thursday I bartended at a charity event where they organizer was coked out of his mind. Like he was clearly messed the fuck up in a bad bad way.  Then I look over and he’s walking around with a ki

Last night was a first for me...really. After my pity party ended yesterday, I was sitting at home organizing some school work when Gavin came barrelling in and told me that he was going camping with his son and some of his son's friends at Waimea Bay and asked me to come. He'd mentioned it that morning, but I was non-commital. I've never camped...ever. Before moving to HI, I would have never considered it...but when a hot guy asks me to go sleep in a tent under the stars with wine, a fire, and lobster burritos for dinner, I'm down these days. It took like 2 hours to get it all together, but finally we got out there and set everything up. We chilled with some wine and recreational subtances, watched the kids fish, Gavin paddled bait out for his son, and we hung with some friends of Gavin's. He even set a hammock up under a trees where you could chill and watch the sky. It was gorgeous! Then, Gavin got all frisky...yeah, beach sex. Our tent was far enough from the

The people that live in this house are wearing me out. I'm having a big ole pity party for myself today, but admittedly I've let it all happen. Here's some back story with Gavin and why he's on the shit list. On Wednesday, he found out his gf has been cheating on him and he broke up with her (again). He proceeded to get wasted and high and actually I ended up getting most of the story from Russell. I had a date Wednesday night with SD (short dick) guy and while I'm so not into him, I didn't have the heart to bail again. Gavin got super pissed that I went out, but wtf ever. I'm not his gf. SD took me out to this point near his house for sunset and we had wine and pizza. I left after sunset and dinner though because I knew Gavin was having a bad day. He'd had some court stuff that morning too that didn't go the way he wanted. I came home and he was passed out. He woke up a little while later and we hung out, smoked some, and I gave him an "aweso

Obviously, this is a week of serious reflection for me. One thing I keep thinking about is that old saying of how girls tend to marry someone who reminds them of their dad. My mom used to say that Duckie reminded her of my dad when they were first married. Quiet, reserved, a little odd – LOL. I never really saw any similarities between them. Even looking back now, I still can’t find much that they had in common. I was lying in bed last night thinking about all the boys I’ve been involved with since March and trying to pinpoint things they had in common with my dad, if any. Not too many of them but there are a few who were either handy like my dad or super intelligent. Many of them have been tall like my dad – HA! Maybe that’s where I get my height thing. To the day he died, there was no better feeling than being hugged by my dad and feeling dwarfed by him or having to stand on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Maybe I need to spend some time thinking about the qualities I loved abo

Well I missed posting this on TMI Tuesday because I had to write a book report and take Chloe to a Halloween party and such…ahh, the life of a mom and student…but have no fear, I’m still whoring it up in my free time. Owen made an amazing appearance yesterday and I mean a-m-a-z-i-n-g.   We met up in our spot, but when I got there 3 cops were in the parking lot, which kind of freaked me out. I’m pretty sure sex in a van is an arrest-able offense. He convinced me that it would be fine though, that they were busy with other people and that once he was inside me I would forget all about it. The man was right. We had some totally hard core, screaming, cumming until I was almost completely drained and my legs were shaking kind of sex. It was exactly what the Dr. ordered. I forget when I don’t see him for a while just how big his cock is and let me just say it, sometimes I’m a size queen. I’ll own it. Anyway the sex was super hot and he put that big, huge cock of his everywher

Romeo came over last night to hang out and, unfortunately, to watch the Miami/Boston and Houston/L.A. NBA games. We've been seeing a lot of each other lately, pretty much every Friday and Saturday night and usually at least one night during the week (he works second shift and also lives about 30 min away). We've had 'the talk' and so far things have been going pretty smoothly. We aren't dating exclusively at this point but have discussed the possibility of that happening in the future - you know I like to keep my men at arm's length. So last night Romeo talked about the future a lot, a future that seemed to include the two of us together. He even brought up living together, to which I replied, "Yeah if we are living together then that means we'd be married." Miranda said she liked that response lol. I lived in sin with The Ex for almost four years and I'm never going down that path again. If you want to wake up with me every morning then you&

I warned you this was coming. This is the final week leading up to the anniversary of my dad’s death.   For you newbies, my dad committed suicide last November.   It was very sudden and unexpected and we’d only known he was depressed for a few days before it happened.   I’ve been planning for this week. Thinking about it. Imagining it.   I’ve felt the tension, the worry, the anticipation building.   It’s not going to be a good, I know that much. But I’m hoping that the lead up to the actual day is worse than the actual day. It’s hard to believe it’s been just shy of a year since my dad was here with me.   Lots of times I wonder what he thinks now.   What he’d say to me today. What he'd think of the choices I've made.  What he'd think of the woman I am today. Last night when I went to bed, I was laying there with the windows open, listening to the night sounds and sadness just washed over me so unexpectedly.   I felt that crushing ache in my chest, the feeling of a li

Have you ever broken something (object or body part) while having sex? I had a bed with crappy bed rails that used to break in college every freaking time I had sex.  At first it was hilarious but then it got really annoying every time I'd be in mid-move and the box springs and mattress would drop a foot. Also, after the crazy three hour session with IT, I feared my vagina was broken. - Miranda I've broken beds before. Once my laptop (not my current one) was kicked off the bed. I've broken glasses that were on the nightstand and knocked off...jesus, I better stop thinking about this one before I decide I owe some people money. - Jules If I have I was too drunk to remember because nothing really comes to mind. Judging from Miranda and Jules' responses it seems like I should have broken a bed or two by now, hmmmm. -Gwyn What's one sexual guilty pleasure that you wouldn't openly tell your friends about? I love it when a guy makes me lactate - HA Jules!  Kid

I try to not overtly dislike people, but you guys should know by now that when I'm over it, I'm over it. I'm working toward really being over it with Clark. I don't know what pull he has on me. I can't figure out what it is that I like about him so much, but I'm working toward being finished with him. I never should have apologized. Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Honestly, I've been reviewing his traits today and other than the fact that he's hot...there's not much else there. He's kind of boring. He's not very smart. He's narcissistic (but then again, so am I). He's a total ass. He doesn't make me laugh very often (boo!). I don't see a future because of his mood instability issues. I would not want him around my kid, nor would I consider at this point producing another one with him due to all of the things I now know...so what is my freaking deal? Why does my heart skip a little when he texts

I’ve been doing some self reflection lately to try and figure out where some of my relationship issues come from. I’ve always been very self aware even as a kid. I think it’s partially due to the fact that my mother is very concerned with appearances and consequently I always feel like everyone is watching me. To this day, many times I see my mom the first thing she says to me is an unintended insult (“You look really tired today.” “Did you want to maybe wear a different shirt?”). She’s an angel God bless her but I’ve never met anyone so concerned with what other people think. She’s even told me as an adult to ‘stop moving’ in line at the grocery store because people may think I’m mentally off if I can’t stand still for two minutes. Anyways, my point is that it’s not that I’m not aware of how I act in relationships and what my difficulties are. What I’m interested in figuring out is why I do these things and {possibly} how to fix them. I’m going to break this down into two posts. In

That pretty much sums up my weekend...lol. Ok, here are the actual details. Friday I'm texting with Russell on the way home and find out the gf has come by the house looking for the rest of Gavin's bail money. His bail was set Friday for $1000, so no Dog needed. :( Anyway, he hurried her home and told her to come back after 6:30pm when he knew I would be home and would have had wine time. (Sometimes I still really love him....haha.) Around 7pm, she showed up. Chloe answered the door for her. I was sitting on the couch holding my dinner plate on my lap and watching TV with the familiy. I reached over and shoved the envelope of cash toward her. She thanked me, I mumbled something, and then she apologized for the night before. I again mumbled something, not really taking my eyes off the TV. (She really hadn't started that porch thing with the neighbor, but she was still part of drama being at my house...not cool.) Then she got the hint and headed off but on the way out said...

What a freaking amazingly fun weekend I just had. One I greatly needed to distract me from the FJB madness (yep he’s back) and the weird ending of things with Twin.   Let’s hit the highlights shall we?   Then I need your advice. Friday after work I was running a couple errands and headed over to Gwyn’s house for a little while and who should call… FJB.   We chatted for a few minutes about our weekend plans and he seemed really excited to tell me the job interview he had had that day and how well it went.   Before when we talked about the interview I didn’t ask a lot of details because I’m trying to keep some distance between us.   Just helps me keep a clearer head as far as he’s concerned.   So I finally asked where the job was.   It’s in freaking Massachusetts.   Yeah, guess it all makes sense now that he’s back wanting to hang out because there’s a real potential he’s moving 12 hours away so he doesn’t have to worry about being “attached.”   Whatever! When I got to Gwyn’s house I

Yesterday was such a clusterfuck of a day; I don’t even know where to begin. It started with Gavin and I having a big fight, our first actual fight in the time we’ve known each other. He was actually stupid enough to bring up the gf coming over to my house for BBQs. He said he just wanted things to be normal for him and for us to be all friends. Clearly the man is stupid and I think he got that after I yelled at him for about 30 minutes.   I told him that I think she’s a horrible person and that no way in this lifetime will I ever be around her socially nor will she ever be around my daughter…ever. I threw all kinds of stuff back at him, like I’ve let him move into my house and I’ve asked nothing from him except for this one thing.  I told him I don’t equate sex and love and that I’m not in love with him, but I was shocked he would ask for the 2 of us to intermingle given the circumstances. Anyway, in the end I told him I was NOT going to continue to have this conversati

Things continue to roll along smoothly at the homestead. This move has actually gone really well thus far. Gavin cooks amazing meals for us. He said the other day he and Russell had a nice conversation about him being here and Russell told him he appreciates not only the way he treats me, but Chloe and himself as well. I’m having fun with him here too. He’s a nurturer and it’s nice having someone willing to do things for me again. For example, he does a lot of little things around the house to help me like changing out the laundry, hanging things, moving things around, carrying my groceries in without being asked. Russell will do those, but it’s always after I’ve asked…very little initiative. Tuesday night was like a full on porn fest. We went at it for a good long while over the course of the evening. Russell has been working insane hours since Saturday, so we’ve had a lot of free time together. The more time I’m spending with Gavin, the more I’m seeing his freaky side. Clark’s was

Wednesday night my family all got together for dinner and the wine was flowing in copious amounts. During dinner, I was caught in a texting tidal wave as I was getting texts from this random new guy, Twin, and College Crush. Then good old SoCo started texting me. He requested the honor of my presence (his words not mine LOL) after I was done with dinner and I definitely was up for a little late night fun so I agreed. So after dinner, my mom drove me home and I thought for half a second about asking her to just drop me off. LOL My mom taking me on a booty call! I didn’t, of course, and I headed over there myself. We just chilled for a while and talked. Recently I had told him about my dad’s suicide and SoCo has lost someone that way so we’ve had this odd little bonding thing going on lately from that. We just listened to music and chatted for a while. He did reveal to me exactly how much of a party boy he is. Apparently if I ever have any recreational activity I want to get involved i

So yesterday I was texting with Jules on my way home, yes I’m one of those damn people who text and drive. I know, I know – it’s very dangerous. Does it make it any better if I tell you I can text without looking at the keypad? Anyway, I was texting with her and I blew my own mind thinking about how different my life was a year ago. A year ago, I sat in this same office, typing on the same computer I’m typing on now, but my life was entirely and completely different in so many ways. Jules and I had not fully reconnected yet. We kept up via email and Facebook but nothing like we do now. I swear I don’t think we have gone one single day without talking in one way or another in as long as I can remember. I had just met Gwyn and at that point, I was pretty determined not to like her because she got the job I wanted one of my good friends to have. Lord knows how I survived my first 33 years without her in my life. Josie and Dave were the crazy friends from my youth that I couldn’t b

You can't get enough of us can you? Gwyn will add her answers later as she's currently offline. This was lifted off http://tmituesday.blogspot.com/ . Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story? It depends - I usually come home and change into commando. I like it when guys are commando too because I hate trying to free their hard cock from a tight pair of underwear. Best commando story ever? Hmmm...probably recently where Gavin just reaches over at night on the couch and starts rubbing the kitty while I watch TV. I honestly can't think of any "best of" tales for this.- Jules Overall, commando is sexy.  Though I only go commando in skirts and dresses.  In pants it feels too weird.  I used to go commando a lot when I was seeing Sawyer.  My "best" commando story is when I met up with Sawyer in the parking lot at a local mall and we got it on in his truck.  Just pulled the skirt right up and climbed on.  No muss, no fuss. 

So over the last week or so Jules, Gwyn, and I have been laughing at the realization that you get what you give. Yeah, breaking news there. What we mean is that obviously we are all attracting guys with similar qualities over and over and over and over. Gwyn gets the assholes, Jules gets the sex freaks, and I get the emotional gimps. Clearly, we are putting out some of the same qualities at these guys and that’s why we keep ending up with them. Even when Gwyn and I switched personalities, ultimately we ended up with the same guys yet again. Now obviously Jules is a sex maniac so she knows her “flaw” though how being a sex freak is a flaw is beyond me. Gwyn readily admits that she has problems opening up to people and she knows she pushes guys away. So what’s my deal? Yes, I’m a little ADD about boys. Whoever is in front of me at the moment is winning the Miranda Olympics. And I’ve said more than once in the past I have a need for attention though I’ve made great strides in that are

It's another day in the neighborhood, won't you please be my neighbor? Ok, I date myself but I loved Mr. Rogers. So my new hood is rolling along nicely...I came home today to my new dog greeting me at my car, kids on my porch, and Gavin getting up to get me a glass of wine as I walked into the door. Then, the man did homework with my daughter. Homework is my least favorite time of the day and he totally rocked it. It was hilarious listening to him with her, but super cute too. I'll say it again...it doesn't suck to be me right now. I had to give Gavin some tough love tonight though and admittedly he took it better than expected. He continues to whine about what a horrible gf the gf is...I finally laid it out. I told him that I thought 99.9% of his current problems could in fact be traced back to her, that she's a toxic human being, etc, etc. (He did kind of ask...) I explained that I can actually remove myself and say this in an objective manner (hence why I'

I’m grumpy about boys. Imagine that! HA! In all seriousness, I am a little over the whole trying to figure out what I want thing. Thanks to damn Venus and this weird contemplative period, I’ve been in the last month or so, I’m a little weary of being inside my own mind. Life was ever so much more tolerable when I was being a slut. Why can’t it be easy like in the movies? Girl meets Boy’s eyes from across a crowded room. Boy is instantly struck by Girl’s beauty while admiring Girl’s obvious intellect. Boy approaches Girl. Boy asks Girl out. Girl accepts and effortlessly throws together an awesome date outfit. Boy and Girl have awesome first date. First date turns to second date and then fifth dates, etc. Boy and Girl get married and live happily ever after. I mean really. Is that too much to ask? Instead, it’s more like... Girl sees Boy across room. Girl stares at Boy, Boy stares at Girl, Girl averts gaze as to not appear too available. Boy leaves. Two weeks later, Girl sees Boy

This roommate thing is really working out for me so far. I think he may just be the best roomie ever. I woke up this morning to him sweeping the house. Once he saw I was awake, he brought me coffee...in bed. Holy Crap...even if there were NO sex involved, he'd still be awesome. Now I say that and I must clarify that I'm not developing any deeper feelings...it's just so nice to be taken care of for the first time in a long time. Russell certainly did an excellent job of taking care of me financially (and still is) and cooking, but he quit doing these kinds of things years ago. After coffee, he helped me move some stuff around the house and then he washed all three of our cars. (Didn't I just say it? Perfect roommate...) We took some separate time today. He took his son out and I went and studied at the beach for hours. We met back up at the house tonight and after Chloe went to bed, we were watching TV (I've watched more TV this past week than I have in months...bu

This morning started out like any other Saturday morning...I woke up to coffee made (ha...yeah right). Ok, in this crazy alternate universe I now live in that actually did happen, and I didn't have to make it. Gavin is proving to be an excellent roommate. From this point on though, it kind of went downhill until later in the evening. He tried to go get the rest of his belongings and could not. This ended up being a good thing because on such short notice he couldn't find any help and needed the gf's truck. He asked if she could come over and I agreed to this one emergency situation...awkward! Fortunately, it didn't pan out and I get to go another day without crossing paths with her. We decided to go grocery shopping a few hours later and on the way, he wanted to stop at the police station to see if he could do anything to counteract his current crazy landlord situation.  As it turns out, there's a pending felony charge out on him. As he's sitting down to start

Just wanted to share a link with everyone, I found this interesting: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/13/opinion/13wolfers.html?_r=1 Not in much of a blogging mood today.....have a close friend with a very sick little baby and it's making all of this seem a little insignificant to me right now. I'll be back though, just need to process for a couple of days : ) -Gwyn

Well today ranks right up there with one of my stranger days in life. Although Gavin and I have been talking about him moving in all week, it didn't really occur to me that it would actually happen...yet it has. I got a call about 8:30am from him saying that his former landlord had evicted him effective immediately and he needed to know if he could start moving stuff in ASAP. I said he could, reminded him he had a key, and told him to get to it. Then I texted Russell, who had apparently planned to use the house for sex today...he was quite displeased with me but ultimately I told him I wasn't asking his permission since he'd already approved Gavin moving in, but pretty much saying that he's coming now.  It didn't go over well, but he seemed to get over himself in the end. I must report that so far, so good. I got home from work today to chaos in my house, but chaos happens when you move....so I went and sat on my porch and had some wine. Russell and Bob joined me a

Twin has been very “normal” and appropriate since we popped the cherry on our relationship Monday night. So yesterday morning I was enjoying my commute to work with me and Ladybug jamming out to a little Eminem, don’t worry it was the radio edited versions. I sent off a funny text or two to Gwyn and Jules about this and then decided to send one to Twin. I said, “Me and ladybug are jamming to Eminem. Does this make me a bad mom or an awesome mom?” He replied, “LOL I’ll have to think about that. But you’re an awesome girlfriend.” Holly hell! He dropped the G bomb! I ignored that text entirely and proceeded to hyperventilate. Once I was at work, Twin and I were emailing like normal and randomly were talking about how he had changed the locks on his house the night before. I said one of the reasons I chose to live in an apartment and on the third floor as a single woman was because there was only one way in and one way out. His reply, “Well you weren’t single Monday night!” Eeeeeek!!!!

Ok, so last night I went to Clark's after school. We had super intense sex and collapsed. He held my hand for a long time afterward and finally we rolled over to sleep. Gavin had called me about 4pm to tell me that he and his son were hanging at my house, but he was going home to sleep that night. I thought I was "safe" from having to reveal my whereabouts. I was wrong. He inquired several times today about my whereabouts last night until I finally declared "Enough". I left Clark's this morning with a very long, sensual kiss and thinking the universe was good for Jules Appreciation Day. Last night felt like we connected on new ground...apparently break up ground. Around 1pm, I texted him and told him I'd told Owen about him. It was a total setup and I guess I get what I get for doing it, but I was testing the waters since Gavin is back to moving in. I thought I would put Owen up as the sacrificial lamb since we've seen precious little of each other

I woke up yesterday with that wonderful, happy, content feeling of “it doesn’t suck to be me right now”.  Gavin came over Tuesday afternoon and sat with me on the porch (with his pants zipped this time) and had a few beers. We’ve discovered that we actually like hanging out with each other. Before when I used the term FWB, it was less friends, more benefits. I mean we liked each other, but we’re really getting to know each other right now on a whole new level.  Chloe drew a picture of our family while we were hanging out and came out to show us and he asked her to draw him in…lol. Miranda says he’s angling to be my pt husband now. Anyway, I took Chloe to hula and he asked if he could stay and hang out until I got home. When I arrived back at the homestead, he was there with our dinner plates ready. He heated everything up for us and I swear I may have fallen in love with him when I looked over and saw he’d cut up Chloe’s chicken. The night before, he had sort of snorted at me when I d