Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

Miranda has requested that I share one of my dating techniques with you all, after I shared it with her last week while telling her about a recent experience with Romeo. In a nutshell, I do not kiss guys on the lips unless they are my boyfriend (there are a few other exceptions I will explain). I know lots of you may instantly think I copied Julia Robert's character in Pretty Woman when coming up with this no-lips policy. But that's not the case, my inspiration came from The Ex. When we had been together for about 6 months he instituted a no kissing on the mouth policy. Now, the insane-ness of this policy and his motives behind it are for another post but I wanted to give you a little background as to how I came up with my current rules. At first, I was really bummed about not kissing him on the lips because he had been such a good kisser and at that time I was a big fan of kissing. But as time wore on I got used to it and the desire to kiss on the mouth kind of just went awa...

Last night was the basketball game that I took Leo, my nephew, and Coach to.   It was a blast!   Coach was incredibly cute with the boys. It’s funny, while we were sitting there eating dinner I kept thinking about past team members and how they would have acted around the boys. FJB would have been incredibly awkward and probably wouldn’t have related unless they had a pile of Legos that he could use his engineering knowledge on and even then I think the boys would have treated him with some level of weirdness.   Lawyer Boy would have tried but he’d have been such a spaz and probably started talking about dance music so the boys probably wouldn’t have given him the time of day.   Crazy IT would have probably scared the boys to death with his intensity and impossibly high standards.   SoCo would have been ok though I don’t see him holding real conversation with the boys and he definitely wouldn’t have been as comfortable as Coach was. I’m sure Coach’s comfor...

To pick up where I left off yesterday, Gavin didn't show for dinner. I was pissed about it, but assumed it was payback for my throwing him out the night before. He's not normally petty, but who knows these days. Penn texted me later in the evening and asked if I could come see him and I said "Yes"! I got into town and as I'm turning the corner literally 3 blocks from his apartment, I get a ticket for failing to fully stop at a red light. Seriously...I'm Southern. We don't fully stop and FYI we don't use turn signals either. I didn't put any effort into defending myself, especially since it was a female cop and just mentally willed her to hurry the fuck up. I had a horrible time finding parking, but finally made it up to his place. He greeted me sweetly and opened a bottle of wine for us. We sat on his porch drinking and talking while looking at the city lights. He's a really nice guy. He told me how handy he is and offered if I ever need car ...

Just a quick update to let you know I went ahead and bit the bullet and introduced Coach to the kids yesterday.   Kind of spur of the moment he came over last night and I forewarned him that if he came before 9:30 my wild heathens would be up but I was fine with him meeting the kids.   Leo was going to meet him tonight anyways so it wasn’t really a big deal for him.   Ladybug started begging to meet Coach as soon as I mentioned his name last night so I figured she was prime for it too.   As soon as Coach knocked on the door the kids pounced on him, even insisting on answering the door.   Coach shook both of their hands which was very cute!   Leo started grilling him on baseball and Ladybug, who has never met a stranger in her life, immediately gave him a tour of the apartment.   Then she started sneaking up to pinch him which has been her favorite game as of late. I let them spend about 15 minutes in the living room with us before I sent them off ...

I started off today having a really shitty day. Actually, I've been in a mood for the last few days. I've been cooped up in a house with a bunch of kids running around all hopped up on sugar. It's been raining like a mother fucker on this island and I was ready to build an ark. (Sit and laugh about the irony of that statement for a few.) I can take about a day of that, but 5 is a bit more than mama's nerves can take on. The last two nights, I've agreed to let Chloe have kids over for sleepovers. I'm not terribly fond of the set of twins she had over last night and they were stressing me out some. Gavin came by and then bolted after a few minutes - wishing me "good luck with that".  He came back over later, but he pissed me off and I sent him home. Penn texted me for birthday sex last night since it was his birthday, but I had kids home alone so I had to decline. I promised to make it up to him though. Ok, so I wake up this morning still pissed at Gav...

Last night Coach came over for a little while.  With the kids I’ve been on lockdown and thankfully he’s been more than content to come hang out for a couple hours after the kids have gone to bed.  Just another check mark on the manifesto list for him.  If you’re keeping track, now he’s hitting 24 out of my 25 requirements! So then the funniest thing happened last night. We were snuggling on the couch (don’t gag Gwyn!) and we started laughing about how since that first night, it’s been like we’ve been in high school.  Just making out and always with a chaperone near by (i.e. the kids).  This cracked us up greatly and led to a lot of funny high school story sharing. During this time, my mom kept texting me. I always feel compelled to answer when she texts or calls because I know if I don’t she starts freaking out about me not responding.  Plus I just feel like I need to give her more attention since my dad died. Anyway, she texts several times and I text he...

Much like Jules I’m ready for this holiday season to be over with and a new year to get underway. Soon after the New Year we’re supposed to contact the divorce attorney so he can get the papers ready to be filed as soon as March gets here.  How crazy to think I only have three more months of being “married.” This past year has flown by! Things with Coach are motoring along.  He calls when he says he’s going to call, he communicates well, he’s affectionate, he’s busy enough with his own life to not be a clinger, he’s making plans for us.  I can’t help but feel like I’ve hit a home run here.  I keep feeling like I’m waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop but all seems well on the home front at the moment.  I’m excited to go out with him on an “official” date on New Year’s Eve. Every other time we’ve been together it’s either been a casual thing with other friends or just at my place which doesn’t nearly count as a date.  At any rate, with as much time...

This was a strange Christmas. Much like my dear friend, Miranda's...it was completely different than last year. Last year, I was so over being married. I was sad and miserable being away from my family and spending the day with someone I knew I didn't want to be with any longer...yet I actually chose to spend yesterday with him and it was really nice. Obviously, I'm talking about Russell. He was fairly melancholy yesterday during the morning and finally told me that he doesn't know how many more Christmas mornings he'll get to see Chloe wake up and do Santa. I told him as many as he wants...that he's always welcome on Christmas morning. He said "What if you marry someone that doesn't like me?". I said, "Can you honestly see me marrying anyone that would tell me that you couldn't be around Chloe on Christmas??". C'mon now...he seemed to feel better after that though I'm sure it's one of those things he'll have to see as...

This has been quite the different Christmas.  Last year this time I was still devastated about my dad and I was living in the aftermath of telling Duckie I thought our marriage was over.  Every day I dreaded going home not knowing if he would be screaming and yelling or just glaring at me in stony silence.  I was still breaking down a lot about my dad and the poor kids were so confused by all the swirling emotions I can’t even imagine what they thought was going on. To say the least, home was not a happy place last Christmas.  This year has been quite delightful though!  Christmas Eve was spent with my family where my mom’s “new guy” was there for the family gathering. He’s an old friend of the family who I’ve known my whole life and I think he’s been subtly moving in on her the last month or so. She maintains they are just friends but hearing her talk and giggle about him paints quite the different picture. It’s weird to say the least but as long as she’s happ...

Happy holidays blog readers!   I keep thinking of a hundred things I want to post about but then I can’t seem to find the freaking time to do an actual post!   So in short order expect posts on my identity crisis, accepting myself as a party girl, more on how things are developing with Coach, how a strange boy in his 20s that Gwyn and I work with is weirdly texting me, and something poignant about how different this Christmas is from last.   But for today a quick Coach update and a funny story about Duckie.   So earlier this week I’d taken my wedding dress to work.   There are a lot of details that don’t really matter about why I took it because the funny thing was when I brought it home.   Now the kids had told me that Duckie’s girlfriend was in the hospital (emergency appendectomy) so we’re coming home on Wednesday and I notice Duckie’s car in the parking lot.   I stood in the parking lot for a minute trying to decide what to do about my wedding...

Take that however you want to because Jules has had a  busy week! Last night, I was texting with Texas and Penn sends me a text asking me to come over. Oh Lord, here we go again. I said it would be about an hour and a half before I could get there and he said that was perfect. What...no back and forth about the drive, your roommates,  etc?? Be still my heart. When I arrived his perfectly tanned, chiseled self was waiting outside for me and helped me find a place to park (parking in town is a bitch and men have in fact been eliminated from my dating pool based on their location and parking availability - not kidding). I swear that man was cut from some great genetics. He's just so yummy. We went up to his apartment and started watching a movie (the reason for the invite btw, yeah right). We were laying on his bed and he was behind me intertwined in my legs and arms. Then he broke out the move that melts me like butter every single time....he started kissing my neck and behi...

So today was one of those totally weird days...the holidays are making my men extra sweet and super horny. Here's how it started. Well, actually it started last night. I was still pissed at the team last night, so I opted for some stranger sex. He was cute and eager at 25, but he lacked size and we all know by now I love a big dick. He scratched the itch, but he won't be invited back for round 2. Penn was supposed to come over last night, but didn't and finally I called him out on his lack of availability and other issues. He apologized in a meager way and he's on probation at the moment. Today was a clusterfuck of wtf. If you followed that, extra points for you because I'm drunk and high typing this. Owen sent me a text this morning saying that today would be a great day to hook up. It was rainy and nasty here on the North Shore and there was not much else to do but fuck. I had Chloe though, home sick and napping. We had some super hot phone sex. I mean like the...

How often do you wear something sexy to get attention? Um, anytime I leave the house.  Ok  maybe that's an overstatement but I generally try to at least look cute.  I definitely wear something sexy any time I go out at night. - Miranda When I'm going to see someone I like or if there is the possibility of seeing someone I like. I pretty much live in short shorts and a tank top or my bikini, so if that's sexy to you then I can answer all the time. ;) - Jules I wouldn't say I wear something sexy for attention but I do try to amp up the sex factor to get what I want - discount on an oil change...no phone activation fee...a raise...etc. -Gwyn Have you ever bought an adult magazine? No I've never bought one. Though I used to sneak my dad's Penthouse Forums into my room as a kid and read them.  "Dear Penthouse I never thought it would happen to me..." - Miranda Yes, I subscribed to Playgirl one year but found it ridiculously dull. - Jules No. I'v...

So I have to eat my words a little from Miranda’s Manifesto Part 2 based on my behavior Friday night. Coach is a guy I’ve known for a couple of months. He and I met a little while back on a crazy night out with SoCo and his friends. That night he seemed to find everything I said and did quite funny. At the end of that night, Coach had definitely made some overtures that he liked me but he was also supposed to be moving out of state a few days later so I didn’t think much about it. I liked him but I figured it wasn’t worth the time/effort if he was moving. We texted some over the next few days and for whatever reason he chose not to move and we’ve kept up a random text correspondence since then. FYI – Coach and SoCo have some of the same friends but they are not “friends” per se. About a month ago I asked Coach if he’d help coach my softball team in the spring (he was a big time ball player back in the day) and it flared up the texting a little between us. A couple of times he’s said...

I've about had it with the men in my life. I mean seriously, I am in great shape, pretty, extremely intelligent (if I do say so myself), easy going, fun, and require very little in return except hot sex. How many men would not kill to be on the receiving end of this deal? Why am I plagued with men that are forced to act like idiots?? I'm not a girl that requires conversations about where we are in our relationship, if you see us going anywhere...none of that shit. I don't do it because I don't get overly attached and why don't I get attached b/c I've learned over the years that people will always let you down when you set expectations for them. No Expectations=No Disappointments. Now, I'm currently pissed because my team of men are acting like total fucking retards and all I expect from them is the aforementioned hot sex something you would think any straight man with half a brain would trip over his dick to give me. I assumed it was low enough on the expect...

At long last, part 2 of Miranda’s Manifesto.   It’s funny; I envisioned part 2 as this hard core set of rules for myself about dating.   I’ve been pulling together bits and pieces of all these blogs I read, tidbits from He’s Just Not That Into You , and even pieces from The Rules .   But I’m finding part 2 of the manifesto to be quite a bit different than I planned. I’ve been joking with Gwyn that I felt like I was on some path of enlightenment this week that all came together with me reading this book called How to Be Single . It’s by Liz Tuccillo, one of the writers from He’s Just Not That Into You, and it’s loosely based on her personal experiences and her travels around the world to see how single women in their 30s deal with relationships.   Even though it’s fiction, there are tons of anecdotes in there that made me reflect on my own life and my friends’ lives.   I’ve been trying to write this post since Friday and it took yet another crazy night out o...

Today's post is about a phenomenon I've been wanting to discuss for awhile now. If you're a regular follower of the blog you know that I'm about the manly man - part of my downfall, since clearly my aim is off and although I want "manly man" I actually get "asshole". But, that being said, I rather be with an asshole than a whiny baby boy any day. At least you can cuss out an asshole. But it seems like these days men are becoming so whiny I can't take it. Put on your big boy pants and man up. I'm tired of hearing it already. I thought women were supposed to be the weaker sex. I thought we were the ones who cry all the time and talk about feelings and get all bent out of shape when we don't get our way. Well I need some proof because if I meet another 'man' who is whinier than my best friend's 8 year old niece I'm going to kick someone in the mouth with my soccer cleats. Do you need examples? Let's see....we have Amy...

It seems this new title has been bestowed upon me by Gavin and his friend. Last night, Gavin showed up about 8:30 at my house with a friend of his. It seems he brought this friend over as a present to me...a threesome present. Once I warmed up to the idea and after some mild protest where I told him I'm not his whore, I was pretty into it. We've actually discussed it before and I'd told him I was down with it, but he'd never materialized anyone so I thought he was just turned on by the idea. No, it seems he wanted some real , live porn. By the way, my protest was merely for show because I fucking love three ways. He pulled me into my bedroom and told me that he wanted to watch me with his friend. (This friend is visiting from Maui, so we won't bother naming him.) He told me that his friend (who is like 6'4") is super hung. I'm not entirely sure how he knows this, but he wasn't exaggerating. Damn, thanks for the gift Gavin! I blew the two of them a...

Stolen from "The Adventures of a Sexy PTA Mom." Gwyn is indisposed at the moment and will add her answers later if possible. Or maybe she won't, you know she's kind of tight lipped sometimes - LOL! On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your life? 8 - Jules 7 - Miranda 8 - Gwyn On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your sex life? 9- Jules 5 - Miranda 9 - Gwyn What is you least favorite sexual position? Missionary - I drifted off just thinking about it. - Jules As Kenny said, K-9 Style - Just doesn't do much for me. – Miranda Missionary. BORING! -Gwyn What is the easiest way for you to reach orgasm? Flip me over and fuck me super hard - works every single time! - Jules By myself - LOL! Miranda Every way is an easy way I've never really had trouble with that issue. -Gwyn Would you rather have your significant other have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else? [You...

I'm taking a little much needed space right now and reflecting. Miranda's Manifesto got me thinking and I guess I'm in the end of year reflection period most people go through.  Am I happy? Yes, I'm pretty happy but I'm also a little restless. I remember thinking when I moved here how I wanted one of those hot surfer guys I saw on the beach. Well, the universe landed me two of them...both attached. I suppose I should have been more specific in my requests. That being said, I'm also not at a point where I want a boyfriend per say either so maybe the universe gave me what I needed at the time. I'm perfectly content with the Owen situation, other than the fact that I'd like to see him more frequently. The Gavin situation is another ball of wax though. Obviously it's causing me to ponder and I'm not sure why because I kind of dig the arrangement on a lot of levels. I think I'm apprehensive about it's potential to change though and if it he...

For those of you following this blog for any length of time, you know I attract gimps.  Boys who don’t know what they want, say they want one thing and really want another, boys who want all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment, and boys whose emotions befuddle them to such a degree that it pretty much cripples their interaction with girls.  Why? I don’t know. I’m a firm believer that you get what you give but I really don’t think I’m the Gimp Queen or anything. I mean I know a vacillate between wanting a relationship and being content with my single status but it’s not like my emotions are beyond my control. So after my last few funky weeks, I’ve decided it’s time to reroute this train before it careens off the tracks and down into the valley of broken boys forever.  That’s right; it’s time for Miranda’s Manifesto.  It’s time for me to draw the line in the sand and say what I want and what I’m not going to put up with anymore.  I’ve been a ve...

So yesterday I had my first real run-in with Duckie’s girlfriend.   She was laden down with bags and we met on the stairs of our apartment building and exchanged awkward ex-wife/girlfriend pleasantries. Being the stepford ex that I am, I offered to help her carry her stuff upstairs.   Part of it was being nice but it was also with the idea that maybe I’d get a sneak peek at her apartment. You know she has photos of the two of them on display.   Alas, my good deed went undone because she declined and we parted ways. After shopping I headed over to Gwyn’s house to birthday her roommate.   We did the girl thing hanging out, drinking wine, and laughing our asses off. We had a hilarious conversation about her roommate watching porn on her laptop with earphones on so Gwyn wouldn’t hear.   Another friend asked if the headphones got in the way when she was masturbating which started the hysterics. I don’t know what she’s doing when she masturbates but I know my ears ...

Top Ten Signs Things Might Not Be Working In Your Relationship 1. She puts your stuff in the yard sale box upon moving in.  2. She refuses to give you Internet on the computer in your house after you let her move in (for free). 3. Her kid hates you...still (7 years later). 4. You get yelled at all day long at home (and did I mention this is after you let her move in for free??). 5. Your friends refuse to be around her. 6. Your friends are all tired of hearing you complain about her and have thus decreased their contact with you. 7. She complains about everything you do for her, even the nice things. 8. She cheats on you.  9. You cheat on her the entire time you've been back together (since March). 10. You call your pt gf (see #9) to ask if you can move back in for a week just to get away from her.  I'm just saying...   In happy news, my STD results came back today with an all clear. At least her cheating on him didn't infect me with anything...thankfully. I...