Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I don't get why men think they can come back after I've finished with them. If I've quit fucking you, I'm over it. I'm done...I've moved on. You really should too, otherwise it's just a little pathetic. Furthermore, if we chat and I haven't met you before now...there's probably a good reason and I'm not overly invested in trying again. Life is short, I'm getting older, and I have less patience. The last few weeks has brought a resurgence of former boy toys and contacts.  It's been really kind of overwhelming actually. It started with "The Baby" and you guys know that tale. Then I got an email like 3 days after I hooked up with him from a guy I'd talked to earlier in the year and hadn't met yet either. He's cute, but he works insane hours and we just never found a time. We're talking about hanging out Thursday, though that remains to be seen. He's 25 and I'm kind of over men younger than 30 right now. Th...

My name is Gwyn and I have made a very bad decision. On Saturday night I found myself in my bed at 3am having sex with The Inmate . When I say 'found myself' I mean that I saw him at the club...proceeded to drink heavily...listened to him flirt and game me all night long...left the club with him to go get my car...drove home intoxicated and had him follow me there. No, I'm not proud. But, yes the sex was really good - and I have to give it to the guy he's hands down the best kisser I've ever been with. It was completely and totally random. I went to the club with three of my guy friends with no intention of behaving like a slut. I left my phone at the house (first time I've EVER done that) and was supposed to call Romeo when I got back to my phone because he was going to be partying in my city that night too. In my head, I figured I would go get drunk at the club then get Romeo to pick me up from my friend's house and we would go back to my house an...

Do you keep up with when you see a guy for sex or dating? Yes, I do for several reasons. I keep up with it via the blog, but I also mark the day with their initial in my day timer. The first reason is so I can remember who I saw and when. because I have a horrible memory. The second reason is just in case anything ever happens, I have a trail. I understand that sometimes my lifestyle is risky. If I were to get something or should the pill fail, I need to know who to call. - Jules I do via the blog. When I had the whole STD debacle in the summer it proved quite helpful in tracking down who needed to be notified and who was in the clear.  When I'm power dating, I do keep a schedule with who, when, where, and what. HA! - Miranda For sex, no. For dating, sometimes. Depending on the guy and the situation, I sometimes mark on my Outlook Calendar when the last time we hung out was. Mainly, I do this because it prevents me from being a nagging girlfriend/pseudo-girlfriend. This way, I c...

What a difference a year makes. I was thinking today how different things were last year at this very time. My family was incredibly fractured from my Dad’s death. Duckie and I were in the first throes of breaking up. I was in the early stages of my affair with Sawyer and shocked at my own behavior while beginning to imagine that there was something lasting between he and I. I pretty much sat around the house freaked out thinking about divorce and alternately crying over the loss of my Dad and the forthcoming loss of my “family.” Basically, I was a whole different person than I am today. Jules and I were both saying the other day it’s a little discomfiting to read old posts and see how things were. I guess that’s a big benefit of this blog, the ability to re-read our thoughts and feelings and see them from a whole new perspective. I wish we’d started this blog earlier so I could see where my mind was a year ago. Sawyer has been emailing me again today. Other than the occasionally ...

Well the holidays make us all a little crazy...some of us more so than others. I got up this morning and was in a horrible mood. Gavin could not understand this after the sex we'd had last night, but I was just in a funk. Truth be told I was a little pissy about the prospects of him moving in with the gf. Although I think I misheard that conversation because he was at my house this afternoon looking at 1 bedroom apartments on CL and he would need 2 bedrooms if he moved in with her due to her kid. I still refused to ask. He originally came over this afternoon to see if I wanted to take Chloe and her friend to a resort in town that has an awesome pool and hot tub. It seems that the wild sex last night threw out his back. I agreed and he went home to do a few things and came back ready to go. We headed over there and had a wonderful afternoon. I had a gallon of wine though and made the mistake of calling my Dad back on the way home. It seems that Daddy had also been in the alcohol ...

Ok, I have to admit I like having Gavin around...especially since he now has his own space to go too. I have really enjoyed the last few days with my pt bf. Wednesday night, he came over about 10pm high as a kite. Russell and Bob were on the porch and I was frantically baking pies, stuffing, and such for Thanksgiving. He kept begging me to stop and come play with him, but I was super busy in the kitchen and it was fun to tease him. Every so often, I would walk into my room and blow him for literally a minute or two and then leave. It was driving him nuts. Finally, the last pies came out of the oven. Russell passed out and Bob was sort of wandering around the house. Bob finally went into Russell's room and I raced into my room, got high with Gavin, and proceeded to have OMFG amazing sex with him. It was the kind where I just came continuously and felt uber content afterward. He left to go to his place for the night about 1am and I fell into my bed. Thanksgiving was fun here in HI....

Well I’m pretty sure that SoCo has found out about my naughty Friday night .  At the beginning of the week things seemed fine but he’s become increasingly distant.  The week started off normal enough contact wise but then by Wednesday he pretty much wasn’t initiating any texting at all.  Wednesday night he told me he was going out and thanks to Facebook which revels all, I saw that he was going to a bar event at the bar where the Friend and all our joint friends spend most of their time. So even if he didn’t know before Wednesday, I’m sure something was said at some level that night.  I don’t think the Friend would have been the one to say it.  But I bet one of the other people alluded or straight out told SoCo the Friend took me home last Friday.  And even if that’s all that was said, me and SoCo used that exact same line when we first started hooking up and our joint friends were asking questions.  He may not have a college degree but he’s not enti...

Does it read, Jules XXX - Therapist?? No, no it doesn't and would you like to know why? I don't care! I am a great social worker because I can case manage things and go on. I can problem solve quickly and take care of business. I am great with resources and outsourcing therapeutic interventions. I do not like to provide those interventions, especially in my personal life. Gavin seems to be catching onto this...slowly. He came over tonight and plopped onto my porch with a beer to tell me he and the gf had broken up again today. I rolled my eyes and he said "You really don't want to hear about this, do you?". I promptly replied. "No, no I don't". He proceeded somewhat until I stopped him by literally interrupting him. He told me that the gf found out he was chatting with some old gf from CA (who lives in CA mind you) and she was pissed. He shook his head and said "I'm not looking for anyone else. The only person I've cheated on her with ...

If you could be born again would choose to be a different sex to what you are? No way. I love being a girl. When I was little I always wished I was a boy because I was a huge tomboy and wanted to do all the things boys could. But now that I'm older and women have more opportunities (when I was growing up there weren't even girls sports teams...for Lord's sake that was only 25 years ago) I wouldn't trade being a girl for the world. Sure they say men have the power but we all know that women run the world - like it or not. We're just not out there shouting about how great and powerful we are, we're working behind the scenes to make sure all you men don't blow the entire planet up. - Gwyn I wouldn't mind being a boy for a few days but not for my whole life.  Walking around with a penis shaking around would be incredibly distracting.  The only good things I can imagine about being a boy are being able to stand up and pee, being stronger than girls, and not...

Hi Everyone, it's me Gwyn the cold-hearted ice queen you've all come to know and love. I realized today that I haven't posted in a LONG LONG time and I think it's time to end the drought. There are many reasons for my lack of posting including craziness at work...my own personal episode of mystery diagnosis that I've been trapped in for months...lack of crazy boy activity....etc. The quick and dirty update is that I'm still seeing Romeo and he is still not my boyfriend - although I will admint I like to call him that around Miranda to get her good and riled up. We had a crazy night on Halloween that involved me losing my phone, screaming at him in in front of his co-workers about dancing with some girl all while dressed in a sexy referee costume (dang I should've used my whistle!), giving his friends the silent treatment the entire ride home, getting into a screaming argument with my bff in front of him which finally ended when he told me to take her a bl...

I feel a little like a sex offender today. Ok let me back up slightly, you MUST be old enough to buy booze to hop on this ride....so he's 21 at least...21 and 11 months to be precise. I felt so naughty when I left though. Here's how it went down. I referenced this kid last week. He and I chatted last year sometime and we could never work out a time to hook up. He moved and now he's back for like a month before he moves to Colorado. Apparently he has the whole cougar fantasy thing going, which with  my being 13 years older I was able to fulfill for him today. I chatted back and forth with him all weekend and he was pressuring me hardcore to come see him one day during lunch or right after work. I work really close to where he lives (with his parents). Because of the holidays, I got off early today and decided to swing by his place for a quickie on the way home. I met him out in his driveway and he took my hand (isn't that cute?), told me I was much more beautiful in pe...

So outside of my outrageously trashy Friday night the weekend was pretty quiet for me.   I took a 24 hour vow of solitude Saturday night-Sunday night. Why? I don’t know really.   I just felt like I needed some time to process my Friday night behavior and you all know I’m not the best at being alone so I figured a 24 hour challenge was in order. I didn’t talk to anyone I didn’t have to (especially boys) and I didn’t go anywhere to interact with anyone.   Hell I was even in bed asleep by 11 on Saturday.   Sacrilege!   Sunday I did a bunch of work and cleaned and spent a lot of time thinking about my life. Not too long ago, ok a little over two months ago, I proclaimed I “ wanted the fairy tale .” But when I look at my behavior I really haven’t put any effort into finding the fairy tale or damn even acting like I wanted the fairy tale. I mean I settled down a bit but I’ve still had my wild nights then I started hanging out with SoCo and then the thing happene...

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Last night I was both very smart and very stupid.   Let’s catch up a bit.   Earlier in the week SoCo up and disappeared on me for a couple days. I sent a couple courtesy texts figuring he was busy or whatever and still no reply.   Finally, to Gwyn’s dismay, I sent a text late on Tuesday asking what was wrong.   Turns out he thought a flippant comment of mine meant I was irritated with him and instead of manning up and asking, he retreated into his gimpy turtle shell and hid out.   Anyway, we straightened it out and everything was back on course. I spent Wednesday night with him and had yet another fun night.   He’s dialed back some of the comments he was making which is good.   This weekend, SoCo is off fishing in the mountains with a friend which leads me to last night. I went out with some of my girls to our usually bar and we were having so much fun.   About 10:45 my phone rings, it’s freaking Sawyer.    His wife is out of town ...

Nope, we skipped HNT this week...but Josie sent this to me today and said it made her think of Gavin. I died laughing in a car full of people that I could not explain this to, which made it even funnier. -Jules

Hello I'm Jules...I'm a sex and wine addict. Before tonight it had been 1 1/2 weeks since I'd had sex and approximately 12 hours since I'd had wine. Lately I've been a little concerned about my addictions and working to regain control over them. Clearly I am addicted to the aforementioned items, but a girl has needs. In the grander scheme of things, it could be far worse. It's not like I'm snorting and gambling all of my money away...sex and wine are fairly "normal" addictions. Anyway, the first thing you will notice about addicts is their ability to justify their addictions. So I have been a little worried lately that I've been drinking wayyyy too much and I've been having sex with the wrong people (ie Clark). I'm officially over Clark, but Gavin has been irking me a little recently and so I've been re-evaluating things.  I had the most helpful conversation with Josie tonight via text that totally justified my FWB relationship wit...

We live in a wonderful world of technology that opens so many doors to new ideas, new connections, and new ways to interact with the world around us. It’s crazy to think that you can be in touch via cell phone or internet from practically anywhere in the world these days. And yet these new technologies have made the world of dating incredibly complicated. I mean in the “good old days” it was meet a person face to face, the guy asks for your phone number, he calls you at home. If you’re not there, he leaves a message on your answering machine. You would race home to check your messages and delightedly squeal and call him back. Now we meet people online, email, Facebook each other, text, maybe squeeze in a phone call, instant message, etc. And for a lot of people it gets even more complicated depending on how many phone numbers they have (work, home, cell, work cell) or email addresses! And everybody has a different preference. Some people only want to text; some people never text. S...

1. Have you ever shared sleeping accommodations with someone of the opposite sex without anything steamy happening?   Of course I have...hell I was married to a gay man for 9 years, hello! Outside of my marriage, yes once...he held my hair as I puked massive amts of booze out of my system. It seems that's a turnoff. - Jules Yes, plenty of times with various guy friends. -Gwyn Other than with Duckie, very few times do I end up in bed without some sort of hanky panky going on. And yes, I did just use the term hanky panky. - Miranda 2. Have you ever streaked, flashed, or otherwise partially or totally exposed yourself in public before (or after) an informal, unofficial gathering of people? I've flashed my boobs before, naturally. - Jules Not since I was about four years old - as a kid streaking was hands down my favorite past time. -Gwyn One time last year or so I went to get lunch.  Somehow or another I managed to fall in the parking lot and flashed my kibbles and bits t...

So I didn't hear a word from Gavin all day today, which is not like him. He clearly knew he was in the dog house. Around 6pm, who pulls up at my house? Yep...with flowers in hand and food. He knows I love, love, love tuna and he brought me a yummy appetizer and we sat on the couch and watched part of a completely stupid movie he brought over. He told me that he wanted to have sex last night, but he was just too high and then he heard my message and said to himself "OMG I love this girl". Fortunately, I was a little tipsy...so I just laughed that off. We don't use the L word...hello! Chloe went up the street to play with a friend right after he got here and so we're sitting on the couch and he kind of rolls around on top of me. I was like "What are you doing?" He said "You look extra pretty today and I don't know...I just wanted to hug you.". I told him that wasn't really our thing, but kind of attempted to hug him back somewhat awkwar...

Well this sabbatical thing might just make me crazy...I don't know that I'm cut out for it. Here's what happened this weekend. First of all, I almost killed myself from alcohol poisoning Thursday night/Friday morning. Friday after work, I came home and laid my ass on the couch and I didn't move from it until I moved my ass to the bed about 11pm. Gavin called and I pretty much blew him off and told him I didn't feel good and had no plans to move said ass off said couch. Saturday morning he called and asked what I was doing...I had a ton of stuff to do and told him as much. I spent the whole day having fun with Chloe and it was awesome. We had a great day and at one point I even left my phone at home (which was a good thing...rare, but gave her gobs more attention). Saturday night he called and asked if he could come over. I told him my gays were home, but yeah he could come hang on the porch and drink with us if he wanted to do so. He showed up shortly thereafter a...

I'm officially on a sabbatical. It's been 1 week since I had sex and I must say I feel well rested, clear headed, and happier than I have in months. WTF? I LOVE sex, so why do I suddenly feel awesome after not getting it for a week...um, it's a power trip. I feel like I've taken the power back in my life. My new found ability to say "No" is working to empower me to make smarter choices. Miranda, you were onto something with this...I'm loving it. I don't know how long it will last, but with the exception of Owen...I'm over the menfolk for now. I was a much better parent today, having fun with Chloe, and NOT worried about what the men in my life were doing or when I would see them again or texting with them when I should be spending time with my kid. Sabbatical, we're on... -Jules

Tonight was my sister’s birthday “dinner” and weirdly enough it was adults only. So earlier in the week I had to put on my big girl panties and ask Duckie to watch the kids so I could go.   Thankfully he readily agreed.   So tonight when I headed over to drop off the kids, who should be there – the girlfriend.   If you haven’t been reading Duckie’s girlfriend lives in the same freaking apartment building as me!   It’s interesting to say the least. So I have been looking forward to this first “meeting” even though she and I already knew each other.   I jumped out of the car and started strolling to the door, looking mighty fly if I do say so myself, and before I could even make it halfway down the driveway, Duckie rushed outside to meet me. I guess he was trying to put off the face to face meeting.   It was quite funny how nervous he looked. So off I went to dinner with my sister and all her church friends.   In the past they talked to me in defere...

Not a ton has been going in on Miranda-land. SoCo has pretty much received my undivided attention since last weekend. I did go over and hang out with him Monday night after my game. It was interesting to say the least. I found myself actually letting go and liking him a little bit. Now that I’ve settled on the idea that he’s Mr. Right Now it was pretty easy to let go of the pressure and stress. We just chilled and watched TV for a while, football to be exact. That fact gave Jules, and Gwyn, and Josie great delight where they all repeatedly texted me and said that made SoCo my boyfriend. We watched the game and talked and had a low key fun time. He even gave me control of his phone and let me text our mutual friends from it and pretty much do whatever. If he was a smarter guy I’d think he was trying to show that he trusted me and had nothing to hide by letting me go through his phone. As it is, I think he was just happy to have me hang out with him despite my serious dislike of foo...

It’s odd not having Gavin around after him being under foot for the past few weeks. I’ve still seen him everyday except today though, just in smaller quantity.   Saturday he came home and said he was moving to the house right up the road for free for the rest of the month. He paid us for the week he was here this month and Monday moved some things up there. Monday night, he came to our house and cooked Russell a steak dinner for his 40 th birthday. I went back up to his new place and saw the changes he’s made…holy crap, it looked so much better. He cleaned and moved some things around – big improvement! We hung out all night and he left around bedtime and slept at his new place. It was a really fun evening though…lots of laughing and playing around. Yesterday I worked and when I got home had an hour and a half to clean before I had to take Chloe to dance lessons.   He stopped by, went into his room, and took a nap on the bed he left in there while I vacuumed and ...

Alabama isn't usually the leader of the pack when it comes to being open-minded but this story seems to suggest otherwise.....take a look! -Gwyn

What is your bra size? What is your favorite place to get lingerie? 36C. I'm a Victoria's Secret girl all the way. - Gwyn 36 B.  My momma always said her boobs doubled in size after having kids and I held great hope for that to happen to me.  Alas it did not. - Miranda 34C and I shop wherever for lingerie (Macy's, Target...doesn't matter and options are limited here). - Jules If asked to, would you perform a striptease for your special someone in the presence of others? No. In private, sure. If I'm stripping in front of people then I better be getting paid for it. -Gwyn No way.  I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face in private much less being able to do it with any degree of seriousness in public. I've done a half hearted attempt and it went fine though I think with the right recreational substance I might be able to get the job done. - Miranda I'm actually going to go with a no on that one...I'm not into the whole striptease thing pe...

Damn it. Another perfectly good FWB situation seems to have morphed on me yet again. I really need to follow Gwyn’s FWB rules better and maybe I wouldn’t find myself in this same situation over and over and over and over…. Friday afternoon, SoCo texted me and said he didn’t want to go to that party after all but that he still wanted to do something with me. At first, I agreed but later punked out because I was freaking exhausted from all our Thursday night fun. That same afternoon, freaking Sawyer called me to remind me his wife will be out of town in a couple weeks and that he wanted to spend some time with me. I told him I didn’t think that was such a good idea and even called him a chump. However, I think my flip attitude set off his “gotta have her” meter because he’s been emailing me like crazy since then. That same afternoon To put the cherry on the crazy for the day, Friday afternoon damn Motorcycle Man texted me out of the blue asking when I was going to let him take “my...