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Saturday, February 13, 2010

What am I getting for Valentine’s Day – Served with Legal Papers!

Thursday evening, Duckie and I had a very civil conversation about dividing up our property. All went well, I even got my bed which was number one on my list – you must try a Beauty Rest bed if you haven’t already – it’s quite dreamy. As we wrapped up our conversation he dropped this bombshell, “Oh and I just want to tell you that you will be receiving some paperwork certified mail tomorrow. I retained a lawyer a few weeks ago so you’ll need to sign for the letter.”

WTF!!!!! We had agreed to do this separation thing without lawyers. Until this point things had been relatively peaceful. I asked what exactly this paperwork was and he couldn’t really tell me (should have been warning sign #1) but he did so kindly point out that there was some “language” around custody and not to freak out he had already addressed the fact that we are doing 50/50 custody with his lawyer. That whatever this “paperwork” said didn’t change all the other stuff we had agreed on to this point.

So I immediately hopped on the trusty internet and started researching what exactly this paperwork could be. Then I spent most of a sleepless night fretting and tossing and turning. If only I could have pooped a quick one off with Sawyer I damn sure would have slept better – ha!

The next AM I confronted him and asked if he was asking for child/spousal support and he said in his very manly ‘I have teeny tiny balls way’ “Maybe.”

I attempted to work for half a day and rushed home to try to beat the mail. No way was I going to drag this out any longer wondering what in the hell he was up to. Turns out the mail lady was on beat for a change and beat me here. I pretty much stalked the post office for the next few hours waiting for her to return from her route so I could claim my certified mail – Happy Valentine’s Day to me!

It’s a Civil Summons for Divorce of Bed and Board, included a bunch of legalese about custody and spousal support. I understandably freaked out then ranted, raved, and essentially lost it. It’s scary getting legal papers and especially when you thought everything had been going fine. After much ranting and raving Duckie started to look a little scared that I might smother him in his sleep. Friday night was ugly I admit especially when he started talking about wanting alimony.

Interestingly, the more I looked on the internet and tried to decipher this legalese the more I realized that this “Divorce of Bed and Board” in no way fits our situation. I’m not going to go in the details because you can Google it yourself but it clearly doesn’t fit our situation in any way, shape, or form.

Today after I had considerably calmed down, I asked Duckie if he had even had his lawyer explain all this legalese stuff to him. The answer folks…. “No.” WTF WTF WTF!!!!!! Who signs legal papers without understanding what they say???? Apparently my dumb ass husband that’s who. I made him sit down with me at the computer and start deciphering the “allegation” in the paperwork. I saw the beautiful light dawn on him that he was in fact a walking, talking dumb ass and I do mean that in the most insulting way.

No he’s back peddling and trying to be all nice and offer to call his lawyer and tell him to pull the papers. He still wants alimony though to the tune of something like $700 for 2 years and then $400 for 2 more years so he can “continue to live the lifestyle he’s become accustomed to.” Now I do make quite a bit more than him but we ain’t talking mega bucks by any means. I’m guess the gloves are coming off and I’m going to be meeting with a lawyer this week to see what this is all about and does he even stand a chance to get spousal support and if so, how much. Never knew being married to a dumb ass would cost me in the end.

Oh and now he’s trying to have balls by saying he doesn’t want “child support” cause he doesn’t want to be that kind of dad. But you want “spousal support” asshole? So you can be a “manly” dad and I use the term “manly” very loosely pertaining to him but apparently you are a pussy of a husband.

Lessons to be learned today ladies – 1 – never marry a man who makes less than you do and 2 – if you so happen to fall for a guy who makes less than you, a pre-nup is a must no matter how little you actually make/own. Trust me, whatever money I have to pay him, if I even have to pay him, will be well worth it to get his sorry ass out of my life.

Not my finest moment, but I admit that I took out a little aggression on Duckie by dunking his toothbrush in the toilet a time or two today and scrubbing it on the bottom of my shoe. Childish, gross, ridiculous I know – but something’s got to give at some point.

I shall look back upon the last few days as the icing on the cake before I get to be with Sawyer on Monday. Nothing like a little (or a lot of) naughty neighbor nookie to make a few bad days seem a hell of a lot better.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Miranda...poor poor stupid men...$700 a month...are you freaking kidding me?? What a pussy!! You have some fun on Monday!
    -Jules

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