Friday, February 19, 2010

Oh No He Didn't....

WFT is all I have to say.

I got home last night and saw that Duckie was lying on the air mattress in Leo’s room. Since we officially decided to split, we’ve taken turns sleeping on the air mattress and in our bed. He said it didn’t make sense for us, two perfectly capable adults, to sleep in the same bed if we weren’t going to ever get it on. Whatever! In my efforts to keep the peace, I agreed to the every other night thing and we’ve kept that up until last night.

So I saw him on the air mattress and reminded him it was his night to sleep in the bed. He said he had decided to stop sleeping in our bed. That it didn’t make sense and the bed “felt dirty.” If he only knew how "dirty" it really was. I literally almost did a little jig cause I love our, scratch that, MY bed. I said whatever and victoriously pranced into the bedroom for the night.

So tonight, after torturing me for two days, generally being a complete and total dick, Duckie waltzed in the bedroom and asked me a most peculiar question. He said, “Something’s been bugging me. If nothing is going on with anyone else, why don’t we just have sex to have sex?” Seriously!!!!! Really!!!!!! Can you imagine my shock and awe at the audaciousness of that question?

I mean, it’s not like for every one day you are “decent” to me there aren’t five where you are a complete and total ass Duckie! Now you think you can stroll in and ask for a pity fuck? A one last time screw? A goodbye lay? If I thought it'd talk him out of pursuing alimony I may very well give in ... Alas, I don't think that would change a thing and I'd just be even more pissed that he's going to get alimony from me the big p-tang.

Poor, poor Duckie. If I didn’t think it’d make him literally flip out, I’d tell him to go out and get him some. I seriously wouldn't mind, though that comes as no surprise to you.

Randomly, right after the first time I kissed Sawyer, I came home and had sex with Duckie. It was our last time together and it was like I was a freaking teenager. He noticed the difference and wondered aloud at it then. The bad thing was I couldn't explain why it was so different because instead of my standard thinking "I wonder how much longer this is going to take?" I was using all of my faculties to imagine Sawyer in the place of Duckie.

A few days later I realized the depth of what I was or perhaps I should say I wasn’t feeling and we haven’t had sex since. Weirdly, for a while afterwards we still kissed and hugged but I always felt like I was cheating on Sawyer when I did that with Duckie, my husband. That my blog friends is some messed up stuff! Hello! Can you say I have issues???

Miranda - who is happily sitting in her bed saying 13 days, 13 days, 13 days...

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