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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Accusations - WARNING - Don't Read if You Have an Issue with TMI!

So Duckie told me he has questioned whether or not I'm having an affair. Which obviously dear blog readers I am, the kicker is he thinks if I'm having one it is with my boss. Because having an affair with the boss is so freaking smart, not that having an affair with the next door neighbor is much better but still. Now I have made a few affair errors in the last few months which I will share at another time but here are his reasons for suspicion as it stands:

1 - If I'm not having sex with him, I must be having it somewhere. Now the irony is that in our marriage, IF we had sex once a month that was a banner freaking month for us. So why would he think I was this highly sexual person who had to be having sex? The reality is I'm rediscovering that I am that same highly sexual girl I was back before him. Apparently all these years he's just killed my sex drive.

2 - I own and wore a thong. Just one. Years ago I tried wearing them and just didn't like it. Now I've decided to give them another try so I bought one, yes just one. Apparently one day he was doing some snooping of his own and saw it in my laundry. When he first brought this up, I stormed in our room, pulled out all gazillion pairs of underwear I own to prove that I only had one. Now I will admit I didn't buy the thong until after the affair and I may very well show it to Sawyer one day but I sure haven't yet.

3 - I text. Hello everyone texts! The irony here - Sawyer doesn't even text. So even if I wanted to I couldn't be sexting with him!

4 - Here's the TMI - Last chance to look away!!!!! I had a yeast infection a couple of weeks ago. Apparently he thinks the only way you get one is from having sex. Why I have no idea? I maintain it was from all the stress.
14 more days, 14 more days... Miranda

2 comments:

  1. OMG the more you post more of a dumbass I think Duckie is! You can get that from taking anti-biotics, it has very little to do with sex. Unless of course your affair is with the Pillsbury Doughboy...

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  2. That doughboy is pretty hot. Maybe I should give him a ring and see if he giggles when I poke him in the belly...

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