Free Marriage Advice
So after two random good days where Duckie and I were incredibly civil to each other, today all hell broke loose again. Tonight he jumped all over me for no reason. He wanted to know again the reasons why I didn’t want to stay in our relationship. As I restated for the millionth time what was wrong, he’d interrupt me every two seconds to tell me how I was crazy, how I was having a mid-life crisis, and how I was an awful person.
For those of you pondering the mid-life crisis comment – he claims I’m in the midst of one because I wear skirts, sweaters, and knee high boots to work. Oh and I listen to Beyonce. Ooookkkkkaaaayyyyy. Well as far as the clothes, that’s called fashion and the Beyonce, well you bought me the freaking CD! And on top of all that, 33 is not mid-life, nor old! Since when was I supposed to be wearing prairie skirts and listening to Barry Manilow at 33????
After the screaming wound down, he left me with this “zinger.” Tell the “the next guy I marry, I would ruin his life like I’ve ruined his.” Drama much?
It’s hard because I do feel bad for Duckie. I know he loves me and I know his emotional immaturity doesn’t make handling this split any easier. I know he feels hurt, betrayed, and lost. So I really don’t hold all this drama and ridiculousness against him.
At the same time, I want so badly to tell him to grow the fuck up and deal with it already. To stop denying that we didn’t have this amazing relationship/connection he claims we had. I know I didn’t tell everyone much about what was going on with us, including Duckie, but in no way were we living the dream.
My family was quite shocked when I revealed all that was going on and now they say they can look back and see signs. They just didn’t at the time because I’m so freaking good at concealing what’s going on. Guess that’s both a curse and a blessing.
11 more days, 11 more days. I know a lot of the time on this blog I sound bitter, mean, and condescending to Duckie but he’s really not a bad guy. He just needs to do a lot of freaking growing up before he’s ever gonna get laid again. There I go being mean again! Sheesh! ;)
Miranda
For those of you pondering the mid-life crisis comment – he claims I’m in the midst of one because I wear skirts, sweaters, and knee high boots to work. Oh and I listen to Beyonce. Ooookkkkkaaaayyyyy. Well as far as the clothes, that’s called fashion and the Beyonce, well you bought me the freaking CD! And on top of all that, 33 is not mid-life, nor old! Since when was I supposed to be wearing prairie skirts and listening to Barry Manilow at 33????
After the screaming wound down, he left me with this “zinger.” Tell the “the next guy I marry, I would ruin his life like I’ve ruined his.” Drama much?
It’s hard because I do feel bad for Duckie. I know he loves me and I know his emotional immaturity doesn’t make handling this split any easier. I know he feels hurt, betrayed, and lost. So I really don’t hold all this drama and ridiculousness against him.
At the same time, I want so badly to tell him to grow the fuck up and deal with it already. To stop denying that we didn’t have this amazing relationship/connection he claims we had. I know I didn’t tell everyone much about what was going on with us, including Duckie, but in no way were we living the dream.
My family was quite shocked when I revealed all that was going on and now they say they can look back and see signs. They just didn’t at the time because I’m so freaking good at concealing what’s going on. Guess that’s both a curse and a blessing.
11 more days, 11 more days. I know a lot of the time on this blog I sound bitter, mean, and condescending to Duckie but he’s really not a bad guy. He just needs to do a lot of freaking growing up before he’s ever gonna get laid again. There I go being mean again! Sheesh! ;)
Miranda
Ok, at the risk of sounding like I'm sticking up for your dumbass husband, I do have one thing to say with regard to your comment about him acting like you had this "amazing relationship/connection". Maybe, in his mind - or rather to him, the connection did seem amazing. If he's as emotionally immature as you say, then he probably doesn't really even understand his own feelings. I'm sure you've probably heard the saying that "perception is reality". Well...sounds to me like Duckie perceives a much better, fuller relationship than what it is. And so, to him, THAT's reality.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you already know all this though and are trying to cut him some slack. I have told Jules that I can't imagine what it must be like to be in you guys' shoes - sad, weird, uncomfortable and exciting all at the same time! So, hang in there and just remember - if someone truly is a dumbass, they probably don't realize they're a dumbass, ya know? To some extent, they really can't help it.
Thx Adam. Weird as it sounds, I do totally cut him a lot of slack. That's not to say he doesn't piss me off daily throughout this period, but at the end of the day I know he's handling it the best he knows how and I really don't hold it against him. Just further shows me that our relationship is doomed.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very weird place to be in my life that's the truth. I am sure it's a very weird place for him too.