Psychological Warfare and Other Musings
I left for NC THE same night that I asked for a divorce. In some ways the timing was great and in others, it blew. It was what it was though and I wasn't skipping a trip to see my family and friends just because my marriage was finally blowing up. In many ways, it was very cathartic. Here's what's been up since I got home though...much less cathartic.
While I was in NC, I took off my wedding ring. Actually the 26th, I gave him back the engagement ring to return to his mother. He gave it right back though and told me to keep it for Chloe. Ok, whatever...so, when I told him I'd taken off my rings he told me that he had done the same thing. I think these pieces of jewelry are very symbolic and it felt fake for me to keep wearing them. We didn't discuss it again. THEN I get home and he picks us up from the airport, wearing HIS ring. WTF?? He's had it on every since then. I finally asked about it because it's driving me batshit crazy. He tells me not to worry about it, that he's dealing with things in his own way. How can I NOT worry about it?! It sends quite the message...I don't know what message exactly because he's the one that made the poor choices for me to tell him I want out.
So, Wednesday I went out on a date. The guy seemed nice enough, not the hottest guy in the world, but I needed a practice run. It's been like a freaking decade since I've been out on a real date and all. I'll also insert here that I kind of did it to piss Russell off too. I want him to see that I'm moving on and that other men do in fact find me hot and irresistible. ;) I had an ok time on said date. There was NO chemistry, but he was a nice guy and easy to talk to...although he's just leaving an unhappy marriage as well and thought I might want to hear ALL about it...I didn't. Russell had invited a friend over for movies, beer, and scratching that night while I was out. When this guy left, he looks at me with tears in his eyes and tells me how hard tonight was and he was glad someone was here to distract him. Seriously?? Dude, you've been "dating" for months behind my back.
The final event thus far of the week is this...and I'm probably just being petty here...so feel free to weigh in. I told Russell that when he's off on Sunday we should take Chloe out to do something family style. I suggested hiking to Ka'ena Point b/c it's whale season and it's gorgeous out there. He loves it out there and Chloe and I just went for the first time with him a few weeks ago. He said he'd rather go to a waterfall, so I agreed since he thinks I always get my way. Today, Chloe is out of school for Furlough Friday here in Hawaii...so what does Russell decide to do with her? You guessed it, hike to Ka'ena Point while I'm working. Again, seriously?
In other news, Owen is so up my butt these days. I didn't tell him about the separation until right before I came back to Hawaii. Since then, it's been extra super hot texting and emailing going on but we have NOT been able to see each other this week. We used to rarely email and only text right before we were going to meet. Sometimes we would tease in between, but mostly just to set up our next time. I'm not sure where this is going now. I cannot get attached to him, so I wish he'd back off a little. I have no willpower with him to do it myself, sadly. Tuesday, our "normal" day, the kids were out of school. Thursday, our sometimes normal day, his wife decided that they should have lunch with their kids at school...like totally out of the blue that morning. Since he was working across the street from their school that day, there was little he could say/do to get out of it...and what could I say? Of course his kids should come first...always! Then today we were going to meet after I left work early. I raced across the island to get to him and it took too long with traffic, so he had to go back to work. Apparently the guys he was working with today are not cool about extended breaks. I need a big ole bottle of wine now.
-Jules
While I was in NC, I took off my wedding ring. Actually the 26th, I gave him back the engagement ring to return to his mother. He gave it right back though and told me to keep it for Chloe. Ok, whatever...so, when I told him I'd taken off my rings he told me that he had done the same thing. I think these pieces of jewelry are very symbolic and it felt fake for me to keep wearing them. We didn't discuss it again. THEN I get home and he picks us up from the airport, wearing HIS ring. WTF?? He's had it on every since then. I finally asked about it because it's driving me batshit crazy. He tells me not to worry about it, that he's dealing with things in his own way. How can I NOT worry about it?! It sends quite the message...I don't know what message exactly because he's the one that made the poor choices for me to tell him I want out.
So, Wednesday I went out on a date. The guy seemed nice enough, not the hottest guy in the world, but I needed a practice run. It's been like a freaking decade since I've been out on a real date and all. I'll also insert here that I kind of did it to piss Russell off too. I want him to see that I'm moving on and that other men do in fact find me hot and irresistible. ;) I had an ok time on said date. There was NO chemistry, but he was a nice guy and easy to talk to...although he's just leaving an unhappy marriage as well and thought I might want to hear ALL about it...I didn't. Russell had invited a friend over for movies, beer, and scratching that night while I was out. When this guy left, he looks at me with tears in his eyes and tells me how hard tonight was and he was glad someone was here to distract him. Seriously?? Dude, you've been "dating" for months behind my back.
The final event thus far of the week is this...and I'm probably just being petty here...so feel free to weigh in. I told Russell that when he's off on Sunday we should take Chloe out to do something family style. I suggested hiking to Ka'ena Point b/c it's whale season and it's gorgeous out there. He loves it out there and Chloe and I just went for the first time with him a few weeks ago. He said he'd rather go to a waterfall, so I agreed since he thinks I always get my way. Today, Chloe is out of school for Furlough Friday here in Hawaii...so what does Russell decide to do with her? You guessed it, hike to Ka'ena Point while I'm working. Again, seriously?
In other news, Owen is so up my butt these days. I didn't tell him about the separation until right before I came back to Hawaii. Since then, it's been extra super hot texting and emailing going on but we have NOT been able to see each other this week. We used to rarely email and only text right before we were going to meet. Sometimes we would tease in between, but mostly just to set up our next time. I'm not sure where this is going now. I cannot get attached to him, so I wish he'd back off a little. I have no willpower with him to do it myself, sadly. Tuesday, our "normal" day, the kids were out of school. Thursday, our sometimes normal day, his wife decided that they should have lunch with their kids at school...like totally out of the blue that morning. Since he was working across the street from their school that day, there was little he could say/do to get out of it...and what could I say? Of course his kids should come first...always! Then today we were going to meet after I left work early. I raced across the island to get to him and it took too long with traffic, so he had to go back to work. Apparently the guys he was working with today are not cool about extended breaks. I need a big ole bottle of wine now.
-Jules
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