Thursday, January 5, 2012

Missing the Good Parts, Hating the Bad Parts

I’ve been in a funk for the last 2 days. I miss the good parts of Gavin and I hate myself for falling for him b/c of all the bad parts.  Sometimes I’m thankful for the fun times we had and other times I wish we’d never met. I really, really need him to leave ASAP.  His truck is still for sale, so I’m hoping he’s out of here soon. He told Damien the 16th when they initially discussed it. I don’t know now…I don’t know if he has to wait until it sells. If that’s the case, he may never leave…sigh. I tried to convince Gwyn to buy it.
Every time someone sees him, they tell me. Damien sees him all the time b/c he buys weed from him. Gwyn saw him at Waimea today on the way home this morning. Russell saw him last week near our house. I see him a lot too when I’m driving. I’m tired of Gavin sightings. I’m tired of occupying the same small strip of land with him.
He called me from a pay phone this morning.  I answered it b/c I thought it was a landline and might have been Chloe’s school. Hearing his voice, hit me like a freaking ton of bricks.  I’d already been thinking about him. He has the uncanny ability to sense that, always has. I didn’t mean to be thinking about him. I don’t want to think about him, I just was. Anyway, I answered and heard his voice and went into defensive mode.  I immediately said “I can’t talk, I’m at work.”. He asked me to call him later so we could talk about something. I assume it’s about his stuff still at my house, which I’m honestly not overly inclined to return in a timely fashion at the moment because Gwyn is still using his dresser and b/c after all the money I put into him and never got back, I’d just let it go if I were him. I simply replied “maybe…” and hung up.  I have no intentions of calling him back.  It’s been 2 months, but I still don’t want to talk to him.

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