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Friday, January 6, 2012

Insanity Has Ensued

I don't even know where to start this one. Yesterday was an incredibly weird day that has morphed into today being weird too. It started with Gavin calling me, followed by me emailing with Damien. I was telling him about Gavin calling and we discussed that situation and then he asked something about the married guy (aka Owen). I said I didn't want to talk about it and that nothing I said was going to be the right answer unless it was that I was totally done with him. Wrong answer...

He emailed me a few lines about how he couldn't believe that I'd let this guy back into my life and such. About 9pm, Gwyn and I went over to his house for something and he proceeds to talk my damn ear off about it, all while his gf is in the house! He tells me how horrible this thing with Owen is for me and how horribly it's going to end b/c it's a small island and it will get out (it hasn't in 3 years, so not overly worried about that one). He tells me how I'm not even taking into account his feelings and how he set me up with Gavin as a test b/c he thought I would see Gavin for who he is (which I did, actually) and see that he, Damien, was the better man and that I should have chosen him. It was a super intense conversation that went from his front door all the way up to my car where Gwyn witnessed a load of this crazy mess too. It just went on and on. Finally, we left and said we would be back the next evening to work out.

Today when I'm leaving practicum, I noticed he had called and returned his call. He proceeded to literally lecture me for the next 20 minutes on how I'm such a sex addict and how far I've regressed since November when I said I was finished with Owen and Gavin. He goes on and on about it and when he gets wound up, he just talks over you. I finally yelled at him that if he wanted to have a fucking conversation about it, that it would be nice if he would listen when I talk. I was super pissed. He said Owen likely gave me a disease (I will go to my grave convinced it was Gavin who gave me HSV1) and how he cannot believe I would go back to someone like him. He said he's never going to leave his wife for me and I pointed out that I don't want him to do that. If I wanted an actual relationship with someone, I would go find one. I just have absolutely no interest in that right now. I want a bf like I want a hole in my head. He said he's jealous and that he doesn't understand why I keep making such bad decisions in men. I would like to take this second to point out that Damien is Muslim, a pot dealer, has served time in federal prison, and lives on an animal farm. If you have read this blog from the beginning, you know what kind of crazy he brings to the table...but I clearly should be with him in his eyes. He said he's waited almost 2 years for me.

Gwyn and I arrive for our workout tonight and I'm just pissed. He's pissed at me too and it was really bad energy. He keeps going on and on about my sexual addictions and how Owen treats me like a prostitute and I need to be with someone like him. He kept telling me how much better he is than Owen...better body, better sex, etc. I was so damn angry at him through our entire workout until the end when things lightened up a little bit. He just doesn't get me. He even threatened to figure out who Owen is, something I jumped all over and told him to quit meddling in my affairs. I told him it's none of his business who I fuck. At one point last night in that convo, I told him to set me up with someone else then. I swear he looked like I had slapped him. I don't get this. He claims to be in love with me, yet he practically lives with his gf (she was home tonight during our workout and fight). He told me that now that he's with her, I should wait his current relationship out to be with him and that if I can "purify" myself for 90 days that he'll forget all the other stuff about me. I keep telling him how horrible I am for him and how vastly different our ideologies are and how doomed us being together would be. I've tried every angle.

I like him. I like working out with him. I even like hanging out with him when he's not being crazy. I did contact him again when the whole Gavin thing was going South and quite honestly I did it because I knew things would eventually end poorly and I knew that he would buffer Gavin. I was not incorrect, but I didn't anticipate him deciding that he would want to be with me again. I feel like I've jumped from the frying pan into the fire.
-Jules

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