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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Last Friday Night - Part 1 of a Party Girl Weekend

OMG so much has happened over the last few days. This may be an epically long blog post.  Actually I know there’s no way to cover it all in one post so this will be a hopefully hysterical, over the top multi-part post. 

After the pilot bust on Wednesday, something happened. Something clicked.  Something turned my proverbial “sign” into day glow super shine like the kind you could see from miles away and I’ve literally been dripping in guys – and booze but that’s because I’ve been drunk pretty much since Friday. 

Thursday I took a new picture of myself and put it on my PoF account.  It made things explode.  I’ve been getting so many messages I can’t even keep up with them. I don’t understand why. It’s a good picture but I certainly didn’t expect that to happen.  So anyways, I’d been talking to a few guys on there or texting and a few more got added in to the mix thanks to the new picture.

I had planned to spend the whole weekend pretty much with my boss.  We seriously have more and more in common and I am finding her to be a great party girl friend.  It’s still sort of weird to know so much personally about my boss and I do find myself holding back on revealing some information but I’m having a great time hanging out with her. 

So Friday night one of my friend’s bands was playing at a new bar and out we went.  I had been talking to one guy and had invited him to meet us but then made the fatal mistake of telling another guy where I was going to be that night and realized I had set myself up.  I quickly told the both guys I wasn’t sure how long I’d be there and ended up discouraging them both from coming. HA!  So out we go and the first guy shows up and I just wasn’t impressed. I was already in party girl mode and had four of my favorite party friends there and frankly, he just wasn’t having that much fun and I ended up pretty much ignoring him. 

A cute guy came in and I gave my boss the mission to hit on him.  He looked vaguely Italian and he was dressed super nice.  I went off on my merry way to give her some space and started dancing with the girls. Next thing I knew I looked over and my boss and the hot guy were intensely chatting. You go boss lady!  I walked back over to chat with them and we talked for a few minutes when this guy walked up and started talking to me. 

He was cute!  Stupid obviously from his conversation skills but pretty hot still. Then he took off his hat.  Big bowling ball head.  Actually not even that.  It was shaped more like a baby’s head after it’s been squeezed out of its mom. You know what I mean? Sort of lumpy and cone shaped.  Why is it that guys can look so cute in a ball cap but them they take it off and there’s all kinds of mess going on.  I guess it’s the equivalent of how girls look in sunglasses.  Anyways, we chatted a little more and I couldn’t stop thinking about his weird head until I noticed his teeth.  My boss said I declared them mushroom teeth because they were shaped like upside down mushrooms.  I was clearly a little loony. 

After talking to him for maybe 10 minutes I was done with him due to the aforementioned reasons and because I had noticed a girl he’d come in with was giving me the evil eye and getting in a bar fight over a lumpy headed mushroom teeth guy is so not worth it.

About this time my boss was wanting a little alone time with the hot guy so I gave her my keys and she said she’d be back to get me.  As she went out the door of the bar, she told the bouncer at the door he should talk to me.  I was back on the dance floor when he came over and pulled me to the side. First thing I thought was WTF did I do to get kicked out of the bar! HA!  I ended up standing up by the door as the self proclaimed “coat check” girl and talking to him for most of the next hour. He was cute in a meat head sort of way though he did freak me out a little because his extremely muscular pecs were two times the size of my own boobs and imagining those boobs pressed against mine was just weird.

Eventually it was the end of the night and I called her to come get me.  The cute guy was in the car with her and we headed back to her house.  On the way I noticed how much she was bossing him around and it was hysterical. As we turned on to her road I complained about how these branches where in the road every time I came there.  She made him get out of the car and move the branches out of the road. And he did it!  Didn’t even bat an eye!

We got back to her house and things went epically insane. I proclaimed the hot guy to be a Jew-a-Rican because he was half Jewish and half Puerto Rican. Apparently we made him empty his pockets and laughed hysterically that he has a text only phone and that he had Viagra in his pocket – which we stole the next morning.  The three of us laid on her bed and she and I picked on him and laughed for the next two hours while he kept trying to convince us to have a threesome.  We started taking random hangover style pictures too at some point which proved quite hilarious the next day. Eventually we settled down and she told me I was not allowed to leave her alone with him or she’d fire me lol.  At some point he got up and took off all his clothes except for this teal blue manties (FYI – man panties). This cracked us up again and he ended up getting under the covers and going to sleep. It was close to 4 am by now and I think we all fell asleep in her bed (him under the covers, us on top) and at some point I woke up and got up and went to my own bed. 

The next morning when I woke up, I texted her and asked if he was still wearing his manties and I heard her bust out laughing from the other side of her house.  She and I convened in the kitchen and she begged me to take him home because she didn’t want the neighbors to see her walking a strange guy out of her house.  I agreed to take one for the team and drove him home.  On the way (to his parents’ house where he lives) he made me laugh by talking about how amazing and fun we were.  Then I died laughing on the inside when I realized he wasn’t wearing socks. I dropped him off after I promised we’d tell him where we were going that night.
Our souvenirs - socks, bracelet, Viagra

When I got back to the house, she greeted me at the door with the exciting news that he had left us souvenirs.  He’d left his socks, his packet of Viagra, a man bracelet with a compass on it, and $1.25 in quarters.  I thought I’d never stop laughing. I can see forgetting all those things but the socks??? How do you go home and not realize you don’t have on your socks???

Stay tuned for part 2 and 3 of a party girl weekend bonanza!

Miranda

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