The next morning we stumbled from bed and went to the nearest diner for a grease fest that is so much needed after two nights of drinking. As we sat at the table laughing at all the people stumbling in in last night’s clothes (we did manage to change ours), it’s like the world tilted on its access. My phone started blowing up. Blowing up people! I was getting 5-6 text messages every few minutes all from different boys. We were cracking up big time. She said maybe the Viagra kicked my pheromones into overdrive and they somehow permeated my phone via texting.
We headed back to her house to be totally lazy and watch movies all day and the texting continued in insane proportions. I was seriously texting with six different guys all at the same time. How my alcohol addled brain kept it all straight I’ll never now. The landscaper from the night before was texting me hard core. He apologized for drinking one too many shots and started working it hard to get me to see him that night. I was holding him at bay though because I was so tired I just didn’t think I could do anything else that night. Between him and the others I got asked out for four different dates that very night! Four!
At one point I got online to check my PoF account and I had 20 new messages. I guess everyone was on the New Year, new girl plan. And then this little gem happened. I looked at this one guy and had an "OMG it was the weird head, mushroom teeth guy from the bar on Friday" moment. He had hunted me down apparently lol. He sent me about 10 messages in the space of two minutes. All saying how beautiful I was and how much he enjoyed meeting me and “what a nice frame I had” whatever that means. And even better, as I talked to him a little, I remembered he was the guy that I talked to very briefly last fall that worked at the Dollar Tree! AHHHHHH! Now he’s messaging me like crazy despite me telling him I wouldn’t date someone who made less money than me or someone who lives with his “mommy.” His word, not mine. HA!
I finally rolled home late that afternoon and the landscaper was continuing to try to convince me to do something that night. I finally gave it and did my best to throw myself together and not look like I’d been partying for 48 hours straight. A little about him, he’s 41, 6’0, one kid age 11, was married in his early 20s for a few short years (not to the kid’s mom), he lives about 15 minutes from me, and he owns his own landscaping business. Brown eyes, brown hair with just a little grey peppered in. And he’s a party boy; he goes out about like me. I wonder what happens when a party girl dates a party boy.
Anyways, we just hung out for a while and watched TV. We talked a bunch and just sat in companionable silence at times. It felt kinda good to be comfortable just sitting there together. He apologized again for “the one shot too many” last night and said how beautiful I was on more than one occasion. My cat loved him and he gave the cat ample attention which is always earns a good mark in my book. As things go after a while we got closer and closer and eventually he moved in for the New Year’s kiss he’d missed the night before. And it was a kiss worth waiting for. A really good kiss with just the right amount of lips and tongue. With his hands buried in my hair. So good.
We kissed for a while and then talked more and kissed for a while again and talked more and eventually had a full on dry humping make out session that any high schooler would have raved about. And since we’re not high schoolers it went a little beyond dry humping, perilously close to breaking my celibacy vow, so close I’m shocked I was able to stop at all but I did stop it. We finally had to let things cool down and I got up to go brush my hair because it was totally looking like “I’ve just been doing something naughty” hair. When I looked in the mirror I busted out laughing. The landscaper has a goatee and I was totally chafed and red faced from it. Total beard burn!
When I came back in the living room he pulled me over so I was half lying across his lap and he rubbed my back and played with my hair for the next hour until I was nearly asleep. Finally about 1 am I made him leave because I was half a second from inviting him to stay the night, sleeping in the bed only people, but I figured it was a dangerous move considering how close we had been earlier.
Monday I slept in gloriously late and woke up close to 11, still exhausted, with my phone blowing up again. The amount of guys texting me was insane. I seriously cannot overstate that. And guess who threw themselves into the crazy mix that day – Sawyer. He literally begged to come see me. I told him no but he stopped by anyways. We chatted for a just a few minutes and he said he really wanted to see me but also wanted to “see my furniture” so he could help planning my move at the end of this month. Yes he’s going to help me move again and frankly I’m taking anyone who says they will help at this point. I told him to keep his hands to himself and he looked shocked.
We talked a little more about my move and I filled him in on who I thought I’d have to help and then walked him to the door. I looked back to make sure my cat wasn’t trying to sneak out the door and when I turned around he was in my face and damn it if he didn’t kiss me. I pushed him off and told him just because he wanted to bring on the bad karma didn’t mean I wanted to. He pouted for a minute and said he was sorry but he couldn’t help it and that he wished we could be together like we used to. I told him that wasn’t going to happen because it led to nothing but me being hurt in the end and he looked quite shocked that I’d said that. I proceeded to lecture him on respecting my boundaries or he wouldn’t get to have my friendship on any level. He apologized again and left.
I spent the rest of the day with the kids and running errands. I honestly felt like my face is half raw from making out with two different guys with facial hair and like I needed toothpicks to hold my eyes open. I did not win the parent of the year award this afternoon for sure lol.
What a crazy three days. If this is any indication of 2012 will be like, I better start a flow chart for you because it looks like Miranda’s going to be a very busy girl!