I’ve never written a soap opera before, so I guess for ease of reading I’ll divide it by cast. It feels like a cast. It feels like this is all so surreal that it can’t be real. It is though…very real.
I am done with him, but here’s the continued saga. He called me this morning to tell me that the Dr. told him that it was Herpes Simplex 1. It’s the oral strain that most people have, but he happened to have it on his genitals. They are giving him a viral medication for 3 days even though it’s healed and are very nonchalant about it according to him. He went home and told his wife and she panicked, but didn’t assume it was a STD. She did question why it was there and he relayed what the dr. said in that the dr. thinks he also had staph and that the staph aggravated this and caused an outbreak. I don’t know or care…just praying I don’t have something horrible. This did give me some peace of mind though b/c it wasn’t the bad strain according to him and like he pointed out he really doesn’t have any more reasons to lie at this stage of the game. He is lying still though to her by not telling her about the affairs, which I suspect will come to light at some point. He’s agreed to keep my name out of it though. I’m sure she could find out if she snooped enough.
This is still a hot freaking mess…shocker. I am done with him too. I mean completely done. There is a point of absolute no return and I finally reached it. It feels amazing to be free of him. I don’t know what I ever saw in him looking back right now. He’s spiraling. He went to go see Damien last night and it seems Damien is protecting me and told him not to touch me. He called me this morning and left a hateful voice mail that he was going to find out who Owen is and tell his wife. I blocked his calls after this and then he sent me a friend request on FB (wtf??) and a nasty message. I replied and then blocked him and reported him for harassing me on there. I shouldn’t have replied, but I couldn’t help it.
Then, I got scared that he might show up. I discussed a TRO with Damien, but he advised me strongly against it. He said it would essentially be an open invitation for him to come over and that it would also give him a chance to totally rail against me in open court. He advised me to call Gavin and hear him out. I did. I asked him what he wanted and he told me to contact the gf and tell her I lied. I asked him if I did that, would he totally disappear from my life and never contact me or anyone in my life again. He said he would and we hung up. He has got to be the most selfish and stupid individual I’ve ever crossed paths with and it makes me really sad I spent so long caught up with him.
We both called Damien right afterwards and Damien talked to him first so that he could tell me what to do with knowledge related to where Gavin is at this point. It’s all such HS drama. Damien told me not to have any further contact with the gf and that lying more was just plain stupid. I agreed, but told him I was willing to do it b/c I could care less what she thinks about me and I just want him out of my life forever. I have decided to listen to him though and not do it. I’m not communicating with either of them any further and I’m hoping that they will just disappear. I’m going home to NC next week for 10 days. He’s supposed to go to CA for a race with his son…maybe they will work it out while he’s there and live happily ever after…haha. Incidentally, he told Damien that I blew him recently with a cold sore and that’s how he got it. First he lies about having it and then he makes up a totally bogus story? I haven’t had a cold sore since I was a kid, like 25 years ago. I didn’t blow him then, but whatever he needs to do to reconcile this in his head.
He's called once since this morning from another number and we had a hateful exchange where he noted I had not contacted her. I told him I wasn't lying anymore. He threatened me some more and hung up. He can do whatever he wants to try to do at this point. I don't care.
I can’t help but think that the universe brought all of this, so I’m listening. I’m fairly unscathed in this and I have actually come out ahead in a lot of regards b/c it’s ended some really destructive relationships that I had going on. It is time for me to seriously re-evaluate my life and my choices though and to learn from this and move on. I doubt it’s all simply over, but I’m done. I’m taking the signs given to me and I’m listening to the proverbial higher power to accept the things that I cannot change and change the things that I can. I’ve been a shitty mom for the past year plus. I’ve made horrible choices that could have had catastrophic effects on my life and my family. I need to sit back and figure that out. When I get back from NC, I’m finding a counselor. I’m not telling the counselor what I do and I’m going to listen and learn. I want to be a patient and not a colleague. (I actually have an appt. for Dec. 1st with Russell's therapist. He seems to really like him and we tend to like the same people. )
Better things are out there for me. Now that I’ve let go of all the bad, negative, toxic crap, it will come in time. I’m oddly sitting here in a pretty good place at the moment. I feel free, truly free this time. I was sad yesterday that it all came to a screeching halt, but today I’m realizing that none of the things that I thought were bringing me happiness were and I’m excited to see what the universe has in store (mostly, because I anticipate some more drama out of this first…).