Sunday, November 6, 2011

A New Day

It’s no question Miranda has had a hell of a ride dating over the last year and a half.  I’ve dated way above me and way below me.  I’ve fallen hard for guys who didn’t care about me and had guys fall hard for me who I’d never see as a long term prospect.  I’ve dated rednecks, lawyers, military guys, IT nerds, blue collar, white collar, and everything else in between.  I’ve kissed inappropriate guys and had sex with losers.  I’ve had hot dirty sex and sweet passionate sex that can only be called making love (cringe).  I’ve had hot one night stands, failed attempts at FWB situations, and a long term boyfriend who I thought I very well may end up marrying.   And here I am, standing alone, ready to finally make the most important choice I’ve made about men…. I CHOOSE ME.

Yep, I choose me.  I am so over dating guys who are not worth my time and effort.  I’m over guys thinking they can get what they want from me.  I’m over thinking if I sleep with a guy it will somehow make him like me more. I’m done thinking that guys will change to be the man I need them to be.  I’m done making concessions for a guy’s bad habits or issues.  I’m over feeling like I have to fill my every spare minute talking or texting or seeing a guy.  I am done with guys who act like frat boys, guys who act like they are they shit, and guys who need their hands held because their mom didn’t cut off the tit soon enough.  I’m freaking done with it all!

Does this mean Miranda’s suddenly not going to have anything to do with guys? Is Miranda going lez?  Hell no!  It means I’m putting myself first from here on out.  I’m not wasting one more second of my time on a guy who isn’t willing to make me a priority in his life. I’m not chasing, waiting for, or taking care of another guy.  I’m no longer playing the roles of therapist,  fun time girl,  sex toy, divorce counselor, time filler, comedian, fantasy, or anything else for any man.  I am the awesome mother fucking Miranda that I am and if that’s not good enough for some guy, too damn bad for him.

And part of this “choosing of me” means that I’m not giving it up anymore to a guy who is one ounce less than worthy.  I’ve done good the last two months and have held strong. Hell this is the longest amount of time I’ve not had sex since my daughter was born!  And it’s hard and it’s not always fun. I’ve been mighty tempted but I’m proud that I haven’t given in.  Do I really need to have more random guys as part of my sexual history?  Hell no!  I know it won’t always be easy, but I care about myself enough to stop letting guys who don’t deserve it join the exclusive club of Miranda.

If you look around the blog world, there are a lot of us struggling with ourselves.  Hell that’s why most of us started a blog in the first place! We had issues we needed to therapize and we chose writing as the way to do it.  I think a lot more of us would be happy if we’d just start choosing ourselves. The first time I choose myself I found the strength to walk away from a failing marriage.  That girl - that strong, powerful brave girl - I’ve lost her some over the last year but I’m finding my way back to her. 

And for God’s sake, will you people start choosing yourself too!


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