So one of my guilty pleasures is watching The Bachelor and seeing all the “mistakes” women make and laughing at their general depiction of the worst of the female species. I never in a million years would go on a show like that. NEVER. Watching these delusional women cry when the Bachelor sends them home is hilarious. I know they must watch the show afterwards and feel so embarrassed by their reactions and how the guy is never really what he seems.
Last night during a particularly hilarious episode, a girl on there – Kacie S if you must know – was called out for having feelings for her ex-boyfriend back at home. At first she denied it and then in true Bachelor glory she broke down in sobs as she recounted that she did still have feelings but he didn’t want to ever get married and she wasn’t willing to settle. And as she sobbed a small drop of warmth for this girl entered Miranda’s cold dead heart when Kacie said now she has to go home and just deal with it; that this doesn’t change anything; she still can’t be with the person she wants to be with.
In that flood of bad television co-mingled with sexual frustration for Kansas being “sick” (ha Jules we both got the sick excuse) and sleeping through what should have been some big cocked sex, I was willing to be honest enough to admit I know exactly how she feels. I still have feelings for Coach despite my best attempts to rip them out at the shreds and I’m starting to adjust to the fact that maybe I always will. Maybe this is what genuine grown up heartbreak is like. It’s a ton better now than it was at first but it’s still there under the surface. But it doesn’t change a damn thing as far as he and I are concerned. Despite his continual attempts to convince me he’s changed, I don’t believe him. And I more than likely never will. Which is why I refuse to let myself even spend one millisecond considering getting back together with him.
This is probably all brought back up by him emailing me the other day and saying he was moving in to an apartment in my tiny town this weekend and that he’d be working back in this area within a month. Given his penchant for lying and general fuckwittagery, I’m hoping this is all false and his normal over promise and under deliver.
Y’all know I don’t like him being in my town but I guess I better prepare myself to get used to it just in case he really does move back here. In other more fun boy news, Kansas is supposed to come over and make up for last night tonight, McKing popped back up and said he has a housewarming gift for me and that he wants to bring it by this week, the Landscaper is trying to get an invite to see the new place, and even Sawyer finally caved to my silence since the move and he emailed me today. I am such a gimp magnet!
And my boss met an awesome guy at the bar the Friday night before I moved and they are like peas and carrots. I’m hoping he has a friend because he’s a cowboy and he’s super nice. Maybe she can bring some good boy luck my way.