TKO

So after the demise of Kansas, Saturday night I was going out with my boss and her new man and his midget friend (seriously dude is like 5’2 and thought he had a shot with me – I told him it’d make me feel like a pedophile kissing someone that short). Just before we headed out to see a friend’s band play, Coach messaged me via Facebook. He does it off and on and I largely ignore him. He told me he was going to see the band play and asked if I was going. I didn’t answer but it did cause a dilemma.


In large, I’ve avoided being anywhere in the same vicinity as him. But everyone was already on the way to pick me up and they all really wanted to see this band. So I just sucked it up, pulled my hat a little lower over my eyes and hoped for the best.

We got there and right off the bat Coach came over to say hello. I said hello back and made a beeline for a beer and we set ourselves up on the opposite side of the room from him. Everything was good for the first few two hours. Coach was clearly getting super drunk, like normal, and acting like a fool dancing with girls and letting them rub all over him. He kept dancing with his hands behind his back like he was at a strip club which was making me laugh. I knew it would set him off so I was actually behaving pretty well and I didn’t dance with anyone other than Coach’s sister’s boyfriend (I work with his sister so we’re still friendly) and 1-2 times with my boss’s boyfriend.

Side note – my boss and her boyfriend are ridiculously cute together. They have swept each other off their feet and they were totally the couple everyone was watching that night – dancing up a storm, kissing, making a general fun spectacle of themselves.

So it was about midnight and the dance floor was packed. Coach was right up front waving his hands to the music like a drunken baboon. My boss and her BF were a couple feet behind him slow dancing and kissing. I was standing over to the side of the dance floor because it was a slow song. Coach turns around and walks up behind her BF, puffs out his chest against his back, and glares down at him. I immediately saw what was about to happen and I swear I saw a million colors of rage. Funnily enough, my boss and her BF were so wrapped up in each other they didn’t even notice Coach.

I stomped out on the dance floor and pushed between Coach and the BF and started pushing him back. I got in his drunken face and told him to back the fuck off, open up his eyes, and realize that that guy was my boss’s boyfriend. Coach looked confused and tried to push me out of the way and I pushed him as hard as I could and he finally stepped back.

I told my boss and her man to get off the dance floor just in case and about that time Coach’s sister and her man saw what was going on and they got Coach off the dance floor too. I stood there with literal visions of breaking my beer bottle and slicing Coach’s throat open while taking deep breaths to calm down. His sister came over to me and asked that I go talk to Coach to try to calm him down. I walked over to where he was sitting and told him he needed to calm the fuck down. Coach drunkenly rambled about how I was a date that night and dancing with all the guys and his sister told him he was insane. That I had talked to her and her BF all night and that the only guys I’d danced with were her BF and my boss’s BF. I was so seriously enraged I don’t even remember the rest of the conversation except that he was stupidly rambling and all I could think of was how good it would feel to really hit him. At one point I do remember catching myself making a fist and I had to laugh at myself because while it metaphorically would have felt good to hit him, it’d only hurt my hand in the end.

I saw my boss and her man out of the corner of my eye motioning that they had paid our bill and we got the hell out of there before Coach went all Incredibly Hulk on us. I will admit I sent some quite pointed messages to Coach when I got home letting him know how stupid he was and that he could go die in a fire for all I cared. Sunday he messaged me a couple times saying he was sorry and that he didn’t remember anything I was talking about. A while later he said he’d talked to his sister and realized what all went on and that he was sorry. I did message him back on time and used every combination of curse words I could imagine.

On Monday he messaged me and said how sorry he was again and he realized one of the pills he’s still taking from his surgery shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol and maybe that’s why it hit him so hard and he acted so stupid. I replied that he was always a drunken asshole who didn’t remember what he’d done the night before but that was because he drank like a fish, not because of any medication. Then I hit the damn block button and severed all ties with him.

Before Saturday night, I’ll admit I was struggling a bit like Jules has been, especially seeing how my boss and her BF are acting because that’s just like how Coach and I were (when we weren’t fighting and me throwing his shit off the balcony haha). But honestly, I’ve never felt surer that I’m completely and finally over him. And that my friends, is the best damn Valentine’s Day present I could have given myself!

Miranda