Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Seduced By Chicken AKA The Night I Lost My Underwear - Literally

So I met a new guy on Pof last week. He’s not my typical “type” but look how well that’s been working out for me lol.

Chef (he’s practically a gourmet cook) is 33, about 5’11, he’s been married (twice – eek), and has primary custody of his 4 year old daughter. He owns his own business – something to do with working with car dealerships to repair alloy wheels and windshields. Chef also has a great sense of humor – much like mine – which means he laughs at the most random things and finds life pretty amusing all the time. And the cherry on the cake, he doesn’t have the same name as Coach or Kansas or the other 10 guys I’ve dated who all have the same name lol.

We exchanged a few messages and then texted back and forth and talked on the phone. He invited me to have dinner with him Saturday evening and I accepted. I walked up his driveway with hesitancy (I’ve been burned one too many times lately) and was quite pleased to see him come out the door to greet me and he was exactly as promised!

We had great conversation and watching him cook this unbelievably delicious meal from scratch was super sexy. He made garlic herbed chicken with a lemon caper sauce, potatoes, and peas (at my request – I love peas!) We talked a ton and laughed and I really found myself starting to let my guard down some and actually like him. Chef is Mr. Entrepreneur and has started a couple businesses and has all sorts of plans for the future with other businesses and hopes to one day own his own restaurant. Over all this conversation we finished one bottle of wine and ended up going to get another though we only drank a couple glasses out of it.

Now obviously, the no sex till monogamy thing was going strong until I slipped with the landscaper, then with Kansas, and well I slipped again with Chef. I swear he seduced me with the chicken. It was so delicious. And the talking and the having plans for the future and the wine and the humor. It was just a perfect storm for Miranda.

We were in Chef’s living room making out and stuff and one thing led to another and I ended up having the best oral sex I’ve ever had. At one point I remember thinking I was going to pass out it was so good lol. We started to have sex and he pulled me up and suggested we go to his bedroom in case his roommate (who’s a bouncer at a strip club lol the things we do for our friends) came home.

We started things back up and he went down on me more! That man loves to do that! And he made me laugh because (TMI Gwyn – look away!) he kept telling me how good I tasted….like candy. It was almost enough to make me laugh out loud for real haha. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and we had sex. Three times in a row. Yep. Three long times in a row. Three!

Sometime later we were laying there and he went to get us both a glass of water and when he came back he brought the clothes I’d left in the living room along with my purse in case I needed it. We passed out and somewhere around 5 am he woke me up rubbing my back and we had sex AGAIN. Yep, time number four. Shew!

We fell back asleep and around 10 the next morning I drug myself out of bed because I had an appointment to go get some work done on my car. Chef went out in the kitchen to start cleaning up as I got dressed. Camisole - check. Bra - check. Shoes - check. Jewelry – check. Dress – check. Purse – check. Hmmm, what was I missing…? MY FREAKING UNDERWEAR! I looked all over his room high and low and could not for the life of me find my underwear. I stood there for about 10 minutes debating what to do.

I could just not say anything and leave without them but then what if his daughter found them? Or his roommate? Or he thought I was being a d-bag girl leaving something behind? Plus they are my very favorite sexy pair! Or I could bite the bullet, put on my big girl panties (proverbially since I was currently pantless), and ask him to help me find them.

I took a big gulp and sauntered my way into the kitchen like I didn’t have a care in the world. We chatted for a minute and then I coyly said, “Um, I have a little problem. Um, well, see, I didn’t want you to think I was trying to be super sexy or anything but I can’t seem to find my underwear.” Chef laughed so hard he had tears streaming down his face lol. We went in the living room to look around and I did my best not to look sheepish and he said, “Wait, I think I know where they are.” He took off to his room and said he remembered seeing them on his dresser. He handed them to me with a laugh and I just slid them into my purse. It’s not like I was gonna put them on right then and there lol!

He walked me to the door, gave me a very sweet kiss, and then I managed to make it inside my car before I started laughing over the whole missing underwear incident. That is definitely one of the funnier things that have happened to me in a long time.

We’ve been texting and talking ever since and sadly our schedules kid wise are clashing this week so it will probably be the weekend before I see him again. Chef is definitely different from my norm so it will be interesting to see how this unfolds.



  1. Can it actually unfold much more than that?

  2. I'm now laughing at that ^ comment.

    And have forgotten what I was going to say.