- I’m mad at myself for tolerating Coach’s bs for so long. I know I deserve better.
- I’m mad and grieving that my life hasn’t turned out like I expected it. Not saying my life is bad, hell I feel ungrateful for not being perfectly content. But I didn’t sign up for a Dad who’d commit suicide, a divorce, sharing my kids, and getting into a relationship with a compulsive liar who I thought would “fix” everything that I didn’t like about my life.
- I’m mad at Coach for not loving me enough to change his ways. Though really it's not that he doesn't love me enough, it's that he doesn't love himself enough to want to be a better person.
- I’m mad at my Dad for abandoning me and not loving me enough to stay here and fight. Though I understand he wasn't in any capacity for logical thinking.
- I’ve got unresolved grief over the end of mine and Coach’s relationship because when we broke up I only focused on being angry to prevent myself from getting back together with him.
- I’ve got unresolved grief from my Dad – I need to talk to him and let him know how I feel.
- Coach reminds me of my dad (personality wise) so he receives both his well deserved anger and a portion of my anger at my Dad since I can’t express it to him directly.
- Coach is a selfish bastard for continuing to try to lure me back because he knows how much he's tormented me and if he really loved me , he’d leave me alone and go do the work he needs to be doing to be a better man.
She thought my 30 day grounding was a brilliant step and I’m supposed to spend the next month working on these issues and avoiding contact with Coach at all costs. I have to find it within myself to stay away from him and give up my anger to God/the universe and let him take care of the burden of Coach. I need to let myself feel sad about the end of our relationship and realize that feeling sad is ok. I need to find a way to communicate to my Dad to let those feelings out and find peace again. And I need to remember that grief is something that comes and goes. Just because I thought I was find with all my Dad stuff doesn’t mean it’s true. Grief can cause issues for years to come and likely it’s extra strong right now because of all the stress I went through buying my house and feeling like I didn’t have someone to lean on.