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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Super Snoopy

A week without an update. I think that’s a record for me. And while there’s lots to tell, there really has been very little going on. So last week proceeded and Kansas’ birthday was on Thursday. The week before I’d said something about cooking dinner for him on his birthday but we didn’t make any set plans. Monday he was supposed to come over but he was sick. Tuesday he came over and brought me dinner and we just hung out for a little while. I didn’t see him Wednesday but I did text him as reiterate that I’d like to cook him dinner Thursday for his birthday. What followed was an inane series of texts that ultimately ended with him saying he didn’t really like to celebrate his birthday and he didn’t want me to go out of my way to spend any money on him.

I was irritated because he’s done so much nice stuff for me that it just seems ridiculous that he wouldn’t let me return the favor with something as simple as cooking. Thursday comes and I refused to wish him a happy birthday, I said happy Thursday instead. We text off and on all day and into the evening. That night he said he’d like us to get together to have dinner and watch a movie Friday night. Ok whatever. I was still irritated by the whole birthday thing. I told me I was going to see a friend’s band Saturday night and asked if he was interested in going. He passed. WTF! I mean really, it’s my kid free week and I’m only going to have seen him two times. Whatever, next, time to move on!

Friday comes and he’s right over about 6:30 and guess what he shows up with. Dinner, movie, bottle of my favorite wine, and a freaking VALENTINE’S DAY present. I laughed when I opened the door then promptly put the gift in a chair and refused to open it for the next almost two hours.

We ate and started watching a movie. At this point my general agitation had already led me to finish off most of a bottle of wine when he paused the movie and said I should open my gift. I told him I didn’t think it was fair that he could give me a gift and I couldn’t give him one in return (note I had actually bought him a shirt with his college basketball team on it for his birthday and had actually put it in the mail to return it that very morning). He laughed at me and told me to open the present and that he'd brought it that night because he wouldn't see me on the actual Valentine's Day because I would have the kids. Hello! The kids go to bed you dumbass!

With great trepidation I picked up the bag and it was pleasantly heavy. My mind wandered to the possibility that he’d bought me something for the house or some lovely Bath & Body Works items. I reached in to the bag and pulled out……. A foot tall Snoopy stuffed animal. I sat in stunned silence and reached for my glass of wine and mustered up a half hearted “Oh Snoopy.” He took it from me, made it stand on the table and pressed a button and low and behold, Snoopy makes kissing noises and claps his hands. (Crickets chirping) I took another swig of wine and reached in the bag with even greater trepidation and pulled out the biggest giant red cellophane heart of Russell Stover chocolates that Wal-Mart could sell. I finished off my glass, brightly said thanks, and uncorked my second bottle of the night. (Check out my Twitter page for a picture my friends.)

Side note - I'm fully aware this post makes me sound like a raging bitch for not appreciating the gift.  But you know why I didn't appreciate it?  Because it was given to me three days before Valentine's Day when he could have given it to me on the actual day - if he cared enough.  Because while the thought counts - if the thought show you have no conception of what the other person likes/appreciates/enjoys, then the thought only counts as shit.  And because it was a freaking gift that you grab last minute and it's a gift even my teenage self would have thought was juveline! Yeah I'm a bitch, deal with it.

We finished watching the movie as I furiously texted the girls and told them what a wondrous gift I had received. The movie ended and we made some chit chat and Kansas announced he was going to head home because he had to work in the morning. It was 10 pm people. On a Friday. And I was a bottle and a half in. I just laughed at him and told him to drive safe. I don’t think I even kissed him when he left.

Then I proceeded to throw on my favorite jeans and I went and met D and her boyfriend at a bar where I flirted with Imaginary Baby Daddy and sat in stun at the presents a 14 year old Miranda would have loved but a 35 year old one not so much. Especially from a guy who has been as weird as Kansas.

I made it home that night, threw Snoopy to the floor for the cat to play with, did a little random texting with stupid boys and slept for a blissful 8 hours.

The next morning I texted Kansas and told him his behavior was entirely too confusing and that it made my head hurt to think about it. He said, “Then don’t think about it lol. That’s usually what gets people in trouble.” I told him I FELT like he was just passing time with me and that I didn’t want to do this half relationship thing where he got all the benefits and I felt like he was holding me at arm’s length. He offered up some sort of explanation that he just didn’t really want anything serious right now and that he was confused by it all because he may not even stay in this area much longer. I told him I knew all that and I wasn’t trying to make this something it wasn’t. Kansas asked if there was anything else I wanted to say and I said no.

He texted me off and on like normal all that day but I was already shutting the door on him and moving on. I don’t have time for someone who doesn’t know what they want or who wants a relationship that is on their terms only. He’s texted me like normal since then and even texted me a Happy Valentine’s Day this morning but I’m so over it. Kansas has turned out to be like one of the chocolates in that box of candy he bought me. From the outside he looks normal and pretty and tasty but when I finally bite down he’s filled with the mysterious goo you can’t quite figure out the flavor of but you know you don’t like the taste of it in your mouth!

Miranda

1 comment:

  1. I love the chocolate mystery goo analogy. I'm sorry he sucks and is a gimp...I vote for going off line to find men b/c clearly the ones online are nut jobs. I don't care what they say about X amt of relationships starting online these days. Weirdos!
    -Jules
    PS I would have been so wtfever about a stuffed kissing Snoopy too...doesn't make you a bitch, it makes you an adult.

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