Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I didn't do a specific post on it, but divorce day was yesterday. One year ago (from yesterday), I sat on my favorite beach and hashed out the details of my divorce with Russell. We've come a long way this year. The irony of the whole thing is that he's actually in San Francisco this week, which is where we started our honeymoon 10 1/2 years ago. I sent him a 'Happy Divorce Day' text yesterday that made him laugh. Today he sent me a text asking me for the name of the street for the B&B we stayed in on our honeymoon. I laughed out loud at him and told him I had NO idea. I mean I walked into my kitchen three times this morning before I remembered that I was in there to make myself breakfast....seriously. I cannot be expected to remember the name of the street of a B&B that I stayed in over a decade ago...lmao. Today was a good, low key day. I was off from work, but had school tonight. Gavin called me this morning to see what I was up to and to come pick up m...

HAHAHA! Jules I think you took me way too literally. By saying women need to chill and let men be men I in no way meant that it’s ok for guys to be weak, whipped, embryo men or assholes who treat you like crap. Just that women need to chill out in trying to make relationships (and men) be things that they aren’t. Women need to love themselves enough to get out of bad relationships and find guys who are ready to be strong, manly men who take care of business and not be led around like a puppy. I think far too many men are weak, pathetic examples of men because all their lives they’ve been “managed” by women. First their mothers and then later their girlfriends and wives. I think in the right situation with the right woman, almost every man can earn back their balls and step their game up. And I think there are men, like Coach, who have always had good game - hopefully because their moms didn’t let them puss out on life – which is something I work hard on with Leo. I’m determined he...

Miranda, my dear Miranda...clearly you have gone over the edge. I love you and I'll be here on both sides of this for you...but holy mother of god, have you lost your mind?! Women DO NOT need to chill....men NEED to pick up their game...here's an example. Gavin and I have not had sex (prior to today) in a few weeks. I was pissed at him over the whole pill thing and some shit he told Gwyn and Miranda...but I'm officially over it. First of all, he agreed to pick up Chloe not only today but tomorrow as well and 2 days in February when Russell is off the island. You have  got to LOVE a man that picks up your kid and even more so when your kid is super psyched about it....SCORE. It's an added bonus when he picks them up HOURS before closing time and actually dedicates time to them. He actually took Chloe surfing today and she "caught" a wave. This earned him some hard core sex. I got home to dinner ready and a glass of chilled wine sitting on the counter for me....

Well Coach is definitely moving to DC for three months. He leaves in mid-February and will hopefully be back by the end of May at the latest. Thankfully he will be home just about every other weekend to see his kids (and me) and he’s already said he’s going to fly me up there most other weekends. (Incidentally he’s also talking about taking me on a cruise, to a Caribbean island, and back to Hawaii in August – yeah I scored big time with this one!) Despite his promised continued contact, I have to admit I’m pretty bummed about it. We have been spending an increasing amount of time together and he’s just freaking awesome. Knowing that our face time is limited, I think I’ve seen him just about every day this month so far, outside of Hawaii time. He’s been killer with the kids and they are always so excited to see him. He’s taken me and the kids out for multiple dinners and last night he even bought them both a little present. If he wasn’t already golden with the kids that surely did it...

I don't believe in god, so these accusations really are lost on me but if I did, I'd say that they were pretty spot on. I'm enjoying the hell out of it though. Guess I'll be bummed in a few years if I'm wrong and burn in hell for eternity, but since I'm also not a future thinker at all...I'll worry about it when the time comes. Where is this coming from? Two places... First off, Clark clearly missed his calling in the military and if the Navy had known what an awesome psychological warfare tool he is I'm sure they would have kept him on. Oddly enough, they still haven't processed him out. I did find out that when they do, he's leaving the island.  I opened this can of worms by responding to him IM Saturday...so I own that. Here's where I'm not sure how to proceed though. I've mentioned that I am scared of him and I really mean that. I've responded to most of his texts (many, many texts) the past few days because I'm honestl...

Men are driving me nuts again like to the point where I may take a break from them all (except for Owen). Gavin and Russell decided at the same time to sober up for the past 2 weeks. I found it excruciating...sobriety is not allowed in this house. Russell and I spent a few hours last night kicking back with some margaritas, so that was nice. Alcohol keeps the peace here very well. Gavin came over after Russell went to bed and we got each other off on the couch. He'd been out drinking and was horny. Thank god because when he's sober, he bores the shit out of me. Things seem more normal on that front, but I'm feeling a little pissy with him over the pill thing and then his remarks to Miranda and Gwyn that seemingly implied I complicate his life and have issues with his gf, which is not the case in life. I need him to babysit Chloe some for me this week with Russell being gone, so I've basically just withdrawing from him and I'm not confronting him on it yet. Penn is...

Yet another fabulous trip to Hawaii has come to an end. Now I just have to wait seven months to go back! Hey Josie – start saving your money now because you’re coming next time! We’re planning for August! In all seriousness it really was a fabulous trip and much more peaceful than my last one when Jules and Russell were in a shall we say “volatile” frame of mind. They are seriously the best hosts ever. I keep telling Jules she needs to open up a bed and breakfast and I totally mean it! We were little nature girls as Hawaii pretty much demands and did all sorts of things from whale watching to hiking (me 5 miles in a broken flip flop) to spending copious amounts of time watching huge waves crash on the beautiful beaches of Hawaii. We were very well behaved! It’s funny. I always expect us to be balls to the wall when we’re together but it’s like we get in this close, chummy girl zone where we talk about boys but they pretty much cease to matter. Even on my first trip we only had the ...

Penn texted me today to see if I could come over after class. Russell thought he had plans to go out, so I said I couldn't unless I got out of class early and could swing by for a quickie. We ended up scheduling a between work and school super hot fuck instead. Daytime sex is so different than nighttime sex. I noticed things today that I haven't seen before in the many weeks I've now known him. For example, he has a tattoo across his back. In the dark, I guess it's possible I've just missed it. I also noticed just how big his cock is. I've had it everywhere inside of me, but I caught a full on visual today of it in the sunlight and for some reason I was surprised. I'm sore for a full day after I'm with him, so again I'm not sure why this got by me before today. Things just look differently during the day. On a funny note, he put on Pandora when we laid down on his bed and in the midst of our afternoon rendezvous, cheesy love songs started playing...

Wow, we've had a fun trip! I'll let them fill you guys in on all the sightseeing stuff if they are so inclined but we do have a few good stories! Mostly, we were calm and well behaved though and much to their dismay, none of my team got a 4sum. Last Tuesday, Gavin took me to lunch and grocery shopping and during the drive insisted on picked Gwyn and Miranda up at the airport. Gavin's not always the most reliable person, so I was nervous about this but I need him to watch Chloe some for me over the next month and decided this would be a good trial run. He showed up on time (though Russell was on standby bless him) and appropriately lei'd them. He took them to a cool local restaurant and they got liquored up before coming home. As soon as I got out of class, I raced home and we had a lovely dinner. We spent the night tying one on though and at some point I passed out. The next morning I woke up looking for my birth control pills to see if I had remembered to take the on...

I know we've been MIA since we've all been together in Hawaii but believe me, we've been having an amazing time!  Details to come soon!

We made it! After an indeterminably long flight Gwyn and I touched down in Hawaii Wednesday afternoon to be picked up by none other than Jules’ part time boyfriend – Gavin.   After hearing so much about Gavin it was quite delightful to be greeted by him where he promptly lei’d us both at the airport.   He was chattering a mile a minute and determined to do Jules proud so he took us to a local Pearl City hotspot where we drank many mai-tais and started struggling with our jet lag.    After a deluge in which we were convinced everything we owned was soaking wet in the back of Gavin’s truck (side note Gwyn was almost in tears in the front seat and Gavin acted like we were on a roller coaster ride   while repeatedly saying, “don’t worry Jules has two dryers. Luggage is made to get wet.”), we arrived at Jules’ Hawaiian paradise where Russell greeted us with a big glass of wine and a smile.   After Jules got home much drinking ensued and it was quite the uniq...

Actually, I'm not much of a game player. I think I've mentioned this before but my Daddy raised me to think that if you play hard to get, men will play who the hell wants you. (Seriously...direct quote.) It's served me well though because men think I'm a cool chick because I don't do drama and I don't play stupid games. I haven't started, but I've noticed my lack of recent availability has really gotten the team riled up and I have to admit I kind of like it. Penn and I hooked up Thursday. We texted some over the weekend, but I was kind of busy and just not available. Sunday night, he was all twisted about me coming over. Russell went to the gym after work and he didn't get home until really late. By the time he got home, I wasn't leaving the flannel pants and sweatshirt I'd donned for anyone. Sexy, huh? While we were texting, Penn finally busted out with the request that when Miranda and Gwyn visit this week that we all hook up. Dude, wh...

So it's less than 48 hours until Miranda and I arrive in the paradise known as Hawaii for our weeklong visit with Jules!!! And it's safe to say I have officially gone off the reservation and into Hawaii la la land.... Let me give you a brief breakdown of my activities/thoughts over the past five days: 1. Talk about Hawaii to everyone I possibly can, including store clerks, co-workers, friends, frienemies, family members, etc. 2. Obsessively check the weather radar over NC, IL, CA and HI 3. Try on summer clothes, pack, upack, re-pack, obsess over packing, try on more clothes 4. Resist the urge to shop for new clothes for Hawaii 5. Sext with Popeye...who lives in Hawaii 6. Look at Google Street View of Jules' house 7. Run to Wal-Mart at 11:30pm to buy 3oz containers for all of my toiletries 8. Constantly check Hawaii time and then discuss with Miranda what we would be doing if we were there 9. Sell gold jewelry to the pawn shop to earn extra spending money for Hawa...

So one thing I’ve really noticed (aside from my outrageous levels of happiness and contentment – though that is also due in part to all the awesome sex I’ve been having) since I’ve been seeing Coach is how much it pays to have a boyfriend. Or man-friend. Or part-time boyfriend (haha Jules). Or hell, just a man who acts like a man and takes care of shit for you. What I mean is that I don’t pay for jack these days. Not meals. Not drinks. Not entertainment. And now I’ve got a story to top it all. A few days ago Coach and I were hanging out and I told him I needed to update my mp3 player for my Hawaii trip. Using the “feelings” words Gwyn and I have been working on I said, “I feel like my mp3 player isn’t meeting my needs and it makes me frustrated.” And yes I did the complete little girl pouty face when I said that. Now every time I’ve used these “feelings” phrases in the past with Coach he’s jumped right on it and turned into my knight in shining armor. These words really arouse ...

After all the craziness the rest of this week has been fairly quiet.   Thankfully Duckie and his girlfriend made up.   He didn’t really share any details about what happened other than they had just had a misunderstanding and “he thought she was seeing his point of view.” I can’t help but wonder if maybe one of them was ready to push for the engagement or shacking up or something and the other one wasn’t ready. Who knows, I’m just glad they got back together. Coach ’s crazy ex hasn’t had much to say other than suggesting that Coach delete his entire Facebook page. Yeah, because that makes a lot of sense.   He pretty much told her to get a life and leave him (and me) alone.   But I’m not holding my breath that she’s going to keep the peace in the days to come. He and I have been spending a lot of time together.   Now that I think about it. I might have seen him every day since last Friday.   That’s interesting now that I think about it. Hmmmm.   He...

I rarely get pissed at the team because honestly when you're just fucking someone...what is there to get really pissed about? I've been pissed at Gavin like 2 or 3 times and he's quickly figured out the way to win the apology. Wednesday night, he showed up for dinner with oysters and beer. How can you stay mad at a man that brings you that for dinner? I sure couldn't. During the evening, he was looking at me and said the funniest thing to me..."You're really pretty even when I'm sober." I laughed and told him I'm always pretty regardless of his drunken state. No Miranda, no further declarations of love. There were definitely some declarations of jealousy though. During the time he was here, I was texting with Penn, Bob, Russell, and Miranda. He said something about how my phone goes off ALL the time. I told him I can't help it people love me and I shared a few of the "safe" ones with him. He was assuming they were all from guys I...

While yesterday afternoon was the highlight of my freaking sex life, yesterday evening was really weird. I am hesitant to blog about this too much, because Russell slipped and said something one day that made me paranoid that he’s onto the blog. He knows Clark’s real name but he called him “Clark” one day in conversation. Now it could have been a slip because they are very similar, but what kind of coincidence is that?? Russell is obviously not on Team Gavin and I don’t want to add anything to fuel the fire. He tolerates Gavin because I like him and Chloe likes him, but that’s it. Anyway, the storm has passed it seems from our being busted Monday night. Gavin came over last night while Russell was working and as he was leaving the first time, he said “Ok, love you…” on the way out. My emotionally gimpy self laughed and said “Mmmm hmm” in response. I was totally freaking out.  Then he came back later…sadly.  I wish that had been the end of the night. When he came...

Let me give all you adult women a piece of advice – GROW THE FUCK UP! First off there was the crazy 42 year old “ I can be your best friend or your worst enemy” woman from New Years. Sunday night Coach was at my place when he started getting text from this woman. Supposedly one of her friends was interested in Coach and she just wanted to check with Coach to see what he wanted her to tell her friend. I quickly set him straight and let him know that this crazy woman was the one interested. It’s classic girl diversionary tactics to claim someone else is interested. Poor sweet Coach was astounded by the depths of girl trickery. Coach told her, and I paraphrase, “You know I have a girlfriend. Stop acting like this.” We laughed about this and I shared some of mine and my friends’ crazy stories about things we’ve done when the hormones took over our brains and we got obsessed with guys. Then he suggested we make it real public and go on the record on Facebook as being in a relationship...

I have always, always, always wanted to have sex out on the beach in broad day light. I've asked Owen a few times to fuck outside, but we've never done it...until today. Since he's married, he's less adventurous in this regards but I guess he finally decided it sounded like hot fun. Yesterday, he sent me a text asking me what my fantasy would be today if we could play. I thought better of asking for a threesome with Gavin or Penn, so I asked again for outside beach sex. Then, I asked to be tied up if he didn't want to do the outside thing. I think it's good to give men options...plan "B"s if you will. This morning he sent me a text saying that he didn't think he could get away today to meet at lunch, but maybe we could hook up on Friday. I said ok and hit the beach (my standard plan "B"). I was laying out on my most favorite beach (incidentally where they filmed Lost which I'm now watching compulsively on hulu) and Owen texts me. ...

So far 2011 has been a pretty shitty year for Gwyn. I spent the last day of 2010 at the hospital with a close friend while her baby was in intensive care. On January 1, The Ex came over and told me that he recently had a baby with another girl (will post on that later but right now I'm trying to pretend it never happened). On January 3, Miranda and I's first day back to work since before Christmas, we were called to a meeting where we were told our department is merging with another one effective Feb 1 and that they don't "anticipate" eliminating any postions. On January 4 (today), I'm in full freak out mode as my friend's baby is undergoing open heart surgery  for the third time - for those of you who pray she sure could use your prayers right now. Needless to say, I'm a little on edge for what the rest of 2011 has in store. But, I guess it can only get better from here - knock on wood. Luckily, I have had some good moments mixed in with a...