Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I really need to learn to walk away. Monday night I ended up going out very impromptu for a with D to this bluegrass jam thing that goes on in this hole in the wall place. Very cool, relaxing vibe. While we’re there, I told her about Coach and his craziness from Sunday and how he’d been texting me all weekend saying he was lonely and whatnot. When I told her that, she told me he was out Friday night drinking and in all the places that caused us so much trouble when we were together and with the same old crowd of people. I can’t say I was shocked but I was surprised. Though I really shouldn’t be at this point. She also told me (which she’s said this multiple times but never quite so funnily) that she didn’t know what we lasted as long as we did because it seemed like all we did was make each other miserable. And the more I thought about it, that was really true. At least from my end. I mean every weekend something happened that caused a fight or argument. I told her the problem was n...

Today's TMI questions taken from the TMI Tuesday Blog ...enjoy! 1. Finish this thought: Nerds make me ____ ? (idea from PocketRockettz) Feel right at home. -Gwyn Horny. No wait, right now everything is making me horny.  3 months is a long time for this girl. Nerds make me comfortable. They are easy to get along with and fun to tease (in a non-sexual flirty way) or (a sexual way). Damnit there I go again.... - Miranda 2. If you were in a beauty pageant, which would be your ticket to the tiara? (heard on the Newlywed Game) a. Talent b. Interview c. Swimsuit d. Evening wear (i.e., gown, tuxedo) I'd have to say Interview would be my best shot unless juggling a soccer ball on stage in my gown would be considered a talent. -Gwyn Does drinking a lot of alcohol and not having a hangover count as a talent?  - Miranda 3. On your body what is eye candy and what is an eyesore? Eye candy - legs. Eyesore - my lips when I pick them (it's a bad bad habit I've had my whol...

Hello faithful readers, it's me OprahGwyn. I'm back with another change-your-life post. And by 'change-your-life post' I mean one where I ask you all why in the world so many people are totally changing their lives by going gay!!! It all started for me about a year ago when one of my best friends, whom I've known since we were 14 years old, told me that she was a lesbian. Now, this wouldn't be so shocking if it wasn't coming from a girl who has slept with no less than 300 men and is one of the most penis loving women I know. When she told me, it was about 10 months after she separated from her husband (they were married for a year). I personally think she is a nymphomaniac and also bi-polar but clearly my diagnosis was off, she's not a crazy slut she's just a lesbian (I joke). At the time of this revelation, she was working in an office with a lesbian of the butch variety. She told me that she felt a very strong attraction to the girl, who happen...

So Coach has been driving me a little crazy. After my post a week or so ago about not letting him pay for stuff any longer when we were in group settings or even really seeing him in group settings, I’ve dialed back my responsiveness to his texts hugely. I probably only answer one out of every ten text. Generally his texts are random “Hello. What’s up?” kinds of things or just things he feels he has to share with me throughout his day. Like I said, I pretty much don’t respond to anything other than direct questions now. Well over the Thanksgiving weekend, he asked me to do things with him several times – dinner, take the kids (mine) bowling, just hang out and watch a movie, etc. I said no thanks every time for the obvious reasons. Sunday morning he asked again if I wanted to take the kids to Cracker Barrel, his treat. I said a polite no thanks and he came back and said “When are you ever going to stop saying no to me?” I said when and if I ever felt like things had actually change...

Given my recent funkiness, I’ve decided to refocus my energies and make a list of things I’m thankful for.  Enjoy!  I’m thankful that even though I’m broker than hell and there’s very little “fun” money, all my bills are being paid, I have a fridge full of food, a closet full of clothes, and I good roof over my head. I’m thankful the only thing I caught during the hey-day of my sexual escapades was Chlamydia and not something much worse or life altering. I'm thankful my bangs are almost fully grown out now so I don't have to worry that I look like a third grader who decided to hack off her own hair. I’m thankful I can do an hour on the elliptical and still manage to climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment. I’m thankful for my new job that fascinates me, entertains me, and requires much less effort and responsibility on my part. I’m thankful I’m no longer the boss and I don’t have a flaming idiot working for me who can’t function in the adult world. I’m thankfu...

It’s been a weird Thanksgiving day for me - one filled with moments of feeling greatly thankful and other moments of feeling greatly unthankful.  Last night I had dinner with Jules, Josie, Short Girl, and a few other of my long time friends and we had a blast. Though it was very surreal to realize our “kids table” was larger than ours.  That led me to going to bed with a very thankful mindset of having such good, fun people in my life. I woke up with a chip on my shoulder though. Not sure why.  Just a general mood of grumpiness and as I lay in bed listening to the kids good naturedly argue over what to watch on TV, my phone started chiming, and chiming, and chiming. Over the span of an hour I had no less than 10-15 text wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving and most including a comment about how wonderful I was.  They were all from ex-Team Miranda members.  Motorcycle Man, McKing, Grandpa Twin, College Crush, other random guys, and of course Coach.  I even got ...

I wish I'd never, ever turned my parents onto texting. They have traumatized me with it this week. Some things in life, a daughter should not have to read. It's just not right. The first in this line of texts I wish I could erase from my brain included my mother and her new bf. Now, I'll say that I'm super happy for my mother b/c she has finally met a man that makes her giddy, like school girl giddy. My mother has not been happy in a very, very long time and she deserves this. I met him with my brother, his wife, my new niece, my daughter, his daughter, and her daughter over lunch this week. It was a bit awkward because of the forced nature of the event, but I liked him. I could tell that he was a really nice man. That afternoon from my brother's house, my mother tried to text him. She failed at this task and brought me her phone. She said "I was trying to send this to the bf and I can't. Will you forward him this message?" I go into her phone to ...

Well, no not literally. Actually, I hate my gut. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and push it all the way out to imagine myself as I would look pregnant and I'm scared at how realistic it looks. Other times when my period has been late I've stood in front of the mirror for 30 minutes looking at my gut and trying to determine if its size is the result of the munchies or if there is, in fact, a baby in there. But on with the post.... Since I am now the only one of the girls in a committed relationship and it's actually a relationship I enjoy with a man I really like, I've decided to become the Oprah of our blog. Ok so maybe I've also been watching lots of the OWN Network lately and I thought it would be fun to start my own lifeclass just like Oprah...either way I'm dishing out some advice. I haven't been sexually abused nor accused of being a lesbian but I think since I'm living in Hawaii at the age of 31, not working by choice and seemingly runn...

Well Friday night went to hell in a hand basket but Miranda was a good girl in the end. We started off the night with me, D, and Coach trying to go eat some dinner (D’s boyfriend was late getting off work and he was meeting up with us a little later). We walked into one place in town and it was slam packed. As we stood there for about two minutes trying to decide what we wanted to do when BLAMO – that skank who’s husband contacted Coach via Facebook walked right up and hugged all over him. Now honestly after how bitchy she was/has been to me, I pretty much loathe this woman. When she hugged him she looked over and saw me and I swear I saw an “Oh shit” thought bubble over her head. I really didn’t care a bit that she hugged him (she can have him for all I care) but my intense dislike of this woman still caused me to shoot eye daggers in her direction. We decided not to wait to eat there and when we walked out Coach said something to the effect of I can’t believe that just happened...

Miranda has been playing with fire lately. Well almost playing with fire. And why in the hell do I keep talking about myself in third person? A little back story, while I was in Hawaii Coach finally had his back surgery. He has been recuperating here with his family and he’s been in and out of the hospital with complications and infections. Before Hawaii, I hardly ever talked to him and then it was only the random text. Well after I got back and he started going in and out of the hospital, he started texting me more often and I started answering more often. I was answering out of concern for his health and because I know his family is pretty shitty at taking care of each other and I didn’t like the thought of him feeling all alone in the hospital. After a couple close calls with almost caving and going to see him in the hospital I held firm and kept it at texting only. I did go see him one time (with Gwyn’s permission lol) but it was no big deal. Week before last he was well enoug...

We got this idea from Hedone ! The Infidelity Chronicles girls are obsessed with Mad Men. Actually, Gwyn told me last night that they are going to do all the way through Season 7...girly squeal!! You can do this for yourself at  http://www.amctv.com/madmenyourself/ . Jules would totally be in the bedroom, in a night gown, with a martini...yes, please! Miranda would totally be on the "scene" with a drink in her hand! Gwyn smoking a cig and winking (just for you Miranda!) by the pool! 

Today’s TMI Tuesday consist of Formspring questions pulled from around the Web. The NY Times called  Formspring  “An E-vite to Insults and Crude Queries.” I admit, I pulled the tame, less crude questions. 1. What is your favorite type of weather? Um, hot...I live in Hawaii. It's always summer.  - Jules Hot.  I hate being cold. And when it's cold, my hands stay bone achingly cold all the time.  Not the best for playtime with anyone. I seriously used to do the Mr. Miagi magic had rubbing treatment to warm them up before I'd touch Coach. - Miranda Hawaii weather of course, 81-83 pretty much year round (last night it got down to a chilly 75 and we talked about needing sweatshirts!) with some nice trade winds. Summers in NC are a little too hot for me but I did enjoy the fall weather there, just not the getting dark at 5pm part of fall. -Gwyn  2. How do you sustain the motivation and energy needed to write erotica regularly? I have a huge basis upon which to...

I hesitate to say this, because every time that I do he surfaces again with some inane thing, but I haven’t heard a peep from Gavin in several days.   Last contact was him threatening me via email and I sent him an email back telling him that if he did not immediately stop that I would file for a restraining order and file harassment charges. I told him that I would not communicate with him in this form and that no further words were needed on my part. As I have mentioned, he has a conditional release from probation, so I think he knew I’d follow through with it and has decided to just let things go…at least that’s my hope. In a weird “Bros over Hos”    kind of way, Damien has kind of backed off too. He was super helpful in working through this with Gavin, but they are friends and Damien knows that he doesn’t have a chance in hell of being with me.    We were supposed to work out together Saturday morning, but he went off the grid and when I questioned him on it...

This “non-boy focused time” is rocking right now I must say.   My apartment’s never been cleaner, I’ve read so many books, I’m double-timing it at the gym, and I’ve even made a semi-scary decision – I’m attempting to buy a house. Yep I’m attempting to take the plunge into home ownership.   My sister (a real estate agent and pretty much every other adult in my life) has been harassing me for a while now about buying a place. My original thought was I’d wait until next March when I’m done paying alimony but finding out the rent on my apartment is going up next year has upped that timeline. After spending way too many hours on Listingbook (aka house porn) and a full day of driving around actually looking at houses/neighborhoods I stumbled upon a gem.   It’s a three bedroom townhouse right around the corner, less than a mile, from where I live now. It’s about the same size as my apartment which is perfect because this is more than enough space for me and the kids and sin...

Know your opponent. Clearly, Gavin doesn't know this very simplistic rule. I am a far more intelligent opponent than he's ever imagined. I actually own shoes that are smarter than he is. Here's the latest. He's continued to send emails threatening me. I've resisted responding, but his latest one is about to earn him a TRO. Here's the cut and pasted version because honestly, I can't misspell this many words all at once to re-type it. "  you r fucked up ,my gilrfriend is ready to kill herself over the shit you said, i am also soooo hurt ,i hope your happy r u, and my son's trip is also totalled.we all are missserable, and please find something better to do instead of hacking into my comp.stuff. if anyhting happens to the gf.i will fuck your life up.yuo now the shit i now about you.and i will not stop untill you lose your kid ,job house and get kicked off the island,i dont want to put energy int you at all.you should call the gf or text her your li...

After all the drama this week I feel the need to lighten things up a bit. So I present to you my random "news" of the day... The Top 10 Most Amazing Penises! http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/the-top-10-most-amazing-penises/  Yep that's his scrotum!  Click the link above for more!  Happy Friday - Miranda!

I’ve never written a soap opera before, so I guess for ease of reading I’ll divide it by cast. It feels like a cast. It feels like this is all so surreal that it can’t be real. It is though…very real. Owen I am done with him, but here’s the continued saga. He called me this morning to tell me that the Dr. told him that it was Herpes Simplex 1. It’s the oral strain that most people have, but he happened to have it on his genitals. They are giving him a viral medication for 3 days even though it’s healed and are very nonchalant about it according to him. He went home and told his wife and she panicked, but didn’t assume it was a STD. She did question why it was there and he relayed what the dr. said in that the dr. thinks he also had staph and that the staph aggravated this and caused an outbreak. I don’t know or care…just praying I don’t have something horrible.    This did give me some peace of mind though b/c it wasn’t the bad strain according to him and like he pointed out h...

I'm in talks with CBS to pick this up as a new soap opera. At least if my life is going to fucking suck, maybe I can make a dollar off my own misery. My world completely imploded today...or maybe exploded b/c the shit went all around. I'm not even sure where to start. It's such a tangled web that's been woven. I got a text from Owen today that his herpes test came back positive. We freaked and then I called my Dr. They said since I have no sores to culture, they can't reliably test me. They said that blood tests are almost never valid b/c they test for both strains of herpes and almost everyone has been exposed to the oral one. As Owen and I texted throughout the day, I found out that he's seen the ex-gf and that she miraculously tested positive today too. He's flipping out that he's going to tell his wife and lose the kids and the house and everything. I questioned him on WTF was wrong with him, but felt really hypocritical b/c it could have easily go...

It’s no question Miranda has had a hell of a ride dating over the last year and a half.  I’ve dated way above me and way below me.  I’ve fallen hard for guys who didn’t care about me and had guys fall hard for me who I’d never see as a long term prospect.  I’ve dated rednecks, lawyers, military guys, IT nerds, blue collar, white collar, and everything else in between.  I’ve kissed inappropriate guys and had sex with losers.  I’ve had hot dirty sex and sweet passionate sex that can only be called making love (cringe).  I’ve had hot one night stands, failed attempts at FWB situations, and a long term boyfriend who I thought I very well may end up marrying.   And here I am, standing alone, ready to finally make the most important choice I’ve made about men…. I CHOOSE ME. Yep, I choose me.  I am so over dating guys who are not worth my time and effort.  I’m over guys thinking they can get what they want from me.  I’m over thinking if I slee...

Friday night Owen sent me a text that he was in Northern CA, all healed from his staph infection, and SUPER horny. I replied that I was unfortunately in HI, also super horny, and dying to see him. He replied with a pic. ;) After his son went to sleep (they are on a father-son trip), he proceeded to beg me to sext and take pictures for him. I was sitting on the porch with Gwyn, McDreamy, and Russell and put him off for a while, but he kept coming back for more so I excused myself to bed and spent the next 2 hours going back and forth and cumming like crazy with him on the phone. That man can turn me on like crazy from 3000 miles away! In the midst of this, Gavin kept calling. I ignored all of them, except for one where I accidentally answered and just hung up. I didn't want him to come over and I didn't really want to talk to him right then either because I was loving the back and forth with Owen. I answered his last call after midnight and told him I was asleep and hung up ag...

So certain funny things in life happen to me and this is one of them. The new guy I referenced in the last post did the funniest thing on Thursday. So he and I have been talking/texting for a little while now and I’ve been on the fence about him. He’s cute and he’s an EMT but he’s got a couple strikes against him. #1 – he’s got two kids by two different women. #2 – he’s currently living with his sister; he moved here a few months ago and it’s supposedly temporary but he doesn’t seem to be beating the bushes looking for a new place yet. And this is not technically a strike but he always wants to talk on the phone and he uses a headset so it’s hard to hear him (I feel like I’m constantly asking “what” and “huh”). Miranda is not a big phone talker with people she doesn’t know well and the headset issues have annoyed me to death. I find it challenging to stay engaged in the conversation. I will text you like mad but I really don’t like trying to make conversation via phone if we haven’...