Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

Well the good news is Miranda’s not crazy, I just have a lot of unresolved grief and anger issues lol. I went to see my counselor, who is the bomb, yesterday and spilled my guts over the whole Coach issue and not being able to let go. Basically it boils down to this: I’m mad at myself for tolerating Coach’s bs for so long. I know I deserve better. I’m mad and grieving that my life hasn’t turned out like I expected it. Not saying my life is bad, hell I feel ungrateful for not being perfectly content. But I didn’t sign up for a Dad who’d commit suicide, a divorce, sharing my kids, and getting into a relationship with a compulsive liar who I thought would “fix” everything that I didn’t like about my life. I’m mad at Coach for not loving me enough to change his ways. Though really it's not that he doesn't love me enough, it's that he doesn't love himself enough to want to be a better person. I’m mad at my Dad for abandoning me and not loving me enough to stay here and ...

This week’s  TMI Tuesday  is about sex and romance. Who doesn’t enjoy a little romance or the art of seduction before engaging in sex? Often times the prelude is better than the actual ‘event’. Gwyn is being a hostess/tour guide again this week, so she can post her answers in time.  1. You are sitting alone in a restaurant because your lunch date is late. Do you: a) Throw something and then make out with the waiter. b) Check to make sure he or she didn’t get into an accident, then wait patiently for two hours and use the time to compose a love song or poem. c) Send a nasty text followed up by a voice mail telling him/her that “romance is dead and so are you!” d) Wait for 20 minutes, and then text-message a pal to join you for lunch. D - I live in HI and no one is ever on time here...ever. Until last week when it almost backfired on me, I've taken to telling Owen 30 minutes ahead of the time I really want to see him...not kidding. - Jules D - Then if they don't show ...

I feel like a great deal of the last two years has been a roller coaster with some amazingly fun highs and some devastatingly, dark lows.   A lot of this has centered on my relationship with Coach. There’s something about him that has changed the very essence of me. Something that takes me away from my normal stable, easy going self into the land of insecurity, anger, and irrationality.   Despite my attempts to keep him at arm’s length, he continues to find ways to get under my skin. Ways that ultimately are my own issue at being unable to cut off contact with him completely and remove myself from situations involving him. After the incident a couple weeks ago (the night he almost beat up my boss’s boyfriend) I did finally cut off contact.   I did because the depth of my anger scared me that night.   But as things always seem to go, after about a week he started leaking back in.   I had blocked him on both Facebook and on my phone but then I got curious. So...

So I met a new guy on Pof last week. He’s not my typical “type” but look how well that’s been working out for me lol. Chef (he’s practically a gourmet cook) is 33, about 5’11, he’s been married (twice – eek), and has primary custody of his 4 year old daughter. He owns his own business – something to do with working with car dealerships to repair alloy wheels and windshields. Chef also has a great sense of humor – much like mine – which means he laughs at the most random things and finds life pretty amusing all the time. And the cherry on the cake, he doesn’t have the same name as Coach or Kansas or the other 10 guys I’ve dated who all have the same name lol. We exchanged a few messages and then texted back and forth and talked on the phone. He invited me to have dinner with him Saturday evening and I accepted. I walked up his driveway with hesitancy (I’ve been burned one too many times lately) and was quite pleased to see him come out the door to greet me and he was exactly as pro...

Well it was quite an interesting lunch break here today! I met Owen for some steamy hot sex this afternoon. He's leaving tomorrow night for a week and we had planned to meet up today for lunch and we're planning tomorrow for breakfast. So, everyone was home here today and his house is a constant stream of people. He has an apt. at his house that they rent out and in addition to those tenants, there is a surf kid staying with them right now too. Therefore, my presence would be fairly detectable at his place, especially since I cannot for the life of me fuck him quietly. I suggested that he drive up near the town I'm doing my practicum in and we would meet up on this road nearby with just pineapple fields for miles and I'd hop into his van. We had some super awesome sex and then as we're getting dressed and talking...up rolls a cop. He pulls in behind my car, which is parked behind his van and turns on his light. I almost had a panic attack. I do not want Owen to ge...

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As we are all painfully aware from my multitude of posts about it, Gavin fucked with my head and my heart. I let him, so I own that. I fell for him even though I knew how toxic he was for me and that it wouldn't end well. In the past few months I've done a lot of soul searching b/c of cutting him and my Dad out of my life. Neither decision was easy and I still hate it a lot....daily. I miss both of them much more than the ice queen cares to admit. I re-read old posts on here and realize that there are a lot of things about him that I don't miss, but there were a shit ton of good, fun times that I do. I've even gone so far as to justify my feelings for Gavin as playing into the whole Electra complex. Gavin is a younger version of my Dad in many, many ways. He's charming, funny, sweet, thoughtful, and an addict which makes him a selfish asshole at times and when their addictions are in full force those times outweigh the good times tenfold. Anyway they have both bee...

So after the demise of Kansas, Saturday night I was going out with my boss and her new man and his midget friend (seriously dude is like 5’2 and thought he had a shot with me – I told him it’d make me feel like a pedophile kissing someone that short). Just before we headed out to see a friend’s band play, Coach messaged me via Facebook. He does it off and on and I largely ignore him. He told me he was going to see the band play and asked if I was going. I didn’t answer but it did cause a dilemma. In large, I’ve avoided being anywhere in the same vicinity as him. But everyone was already on the way to pick me up and they all really wanted to see this band. So I just sucked it up, pulled my hat a little lower over my eyes and hoped for the best. We got there and right off the bat Coach came over to say hello. I said hello back and made a beeline for a beer and we set ourselves up on the opposite side of the room from him. Everything was good for the first few two hours. Coach was cl...

Tonight I was browsing Eden Fantasys for some fun new toys for Owen and I to play with and I ordered a new glass dildo for myself and a Tenga egg for him. I hear those eggs are supposed to be amazing and because it was on sale I threw one in the cart for him. I hope he likes it! It occurs to me that I've never bought a toy that was just for him before. Actually, I've never bought him anything before. (Don't read into this...I'm just feeling awesome after 2 days of sex.) Anyway, I ventured over into the Eden Cafe section of the website and stumbled across this article about strap on play. It is a post all about a bf who dreams of having his gf do him with a strap on. I've seen one once at a swingers party with Gavin. Needless to say, he avoided it at all costs (though he did love some rimming). Capt. Awesome recently brought up having a strap on used, though he seems to have fizzled out. It made me wonder if I would be comfortable doing that to a guy. After this ...

Like I said on TMI, Cupid hit Owen in the ass a few years ago and that man loves to fuck me, which is awesome b/c I love fucking him. Sunday night he was texting me and telling me how awesome he thought  Friday's lunch time had been and how much fun he'd had. I asked him what his week was like this week and he didn't reply until the next morning. I hate when he falls asleep when we're texting, but honestly I've done it too...lol.  He said that he was free right then (Monday morning) for a little while and that he could also probably see me Tuesday and/or Wednesday.  As luck would have it, I was home on Monday and we met up for a quickie first thing. I didn't even shower. I figure after 3 years he can finally see me with minimal makeup and my hair up in a ponytail. I walked up to meet him near my house and here's a funny story for you. I put the We Vibe in and headed out. The We Vibe had been inserted into my kitty and my ass, until I started walking. As I w...

A week without an update. I think that’s a record for me. And while there’s lots to tell, there really has been very little going on. So last week proceeded and Kansas’ birthday was on Thursday. The week before I’d said something about cooking dinner for him on his birthday but we didn’t make any set plans. Monday he was supposed to come over but he was sick. Tuesday he came over and brought me dinner and we just hung out for a little while. I didn’t see him Wednesday but I did text him as reiterate that I’d like to cook him dinner Thursday for his birthday. What followed was an inane series of texts that ultimately ended with him saying he didn’t really like to celebrate his birthday and he didn’t want me to go out of my way to spend any money on him. I was irritated because he’s done so much nice stuff for me that it just seems ridiculous that he wouldn’t let me return the favor with something as simple as cooking. Thursday comes and I refused to wish him a happy birthday, I said h...

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or think it’s a consumer-oriented, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance, just have yourself some fun by answering these TMI Tuesday questions. Gwyn is living it up as a tour guide this week, so she'll have to put her answers in later!  Cupid is the god of desire, affection, and erotic love. As the myth goes, a person who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire. On your behalf, who would you like Cupid to shoot? Imaginary Baby Daddy.  I don't want anything from him but sex. Even though it would be oh so wrong. - Miranda Well it seems Cupid shot Owen a few years back! That man has some serious uncontrollable desire and I love it. I wouldn't be upset if Cupid found me an unmarried version of him (minus the cheater trait...lol). - Jules Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in th...

Actually,  it was some of our very best yet in my opinion!! Owen has been sick all week! (You thought this was going to go another way didn't you...lol) He came back from an outer island trip with his son and caught a nasty cold. I didn't see him Wednesday morning b/c I didn't want to catch it and apparently he was just gross that day (according to him). We had talked about seeing each other for lunch today and him coming to the house to teach me how to work my new drill press. I cleared the house of all other inhabitants and we were set and then last night I discovered that I also have a cold. It seems the entire island is suffering from this cold and someone was nice enough to pass it along...awesome, thanks. Fortunately since we both have it, we didn't have to worry about infecting the other one so we were ON. He came in and got right now to business...me. He started licking me and fingering me and made me cum several times this way and then he pulled out the we vi...

Eden Fantasys is heating things up in time for Valentine’s Day! Jules is NOT a fan of the sappy Hallmark holiday per say, but if it’s an occasion for hot sex and sex toys than bring it on!! Capt. Awesome is desperately trying to reschedule from last weekend and we are talking about planning a sick day. I actually refused Valentine’s Day as an option because of the pressure of such a day. Anyway, this is NOT an anti Valentine’s Day post…it’s a buy your lover something sexy and fun post!! If any of the team were so inclined to purchase me toys for this holiday, I would not turn them down and I would recommend where they shopped ( Eden Fantasys …duh). Eden Fantasys is currently having a cute Valentine's Day advent calendar of daily specials to countdown the days. What a fabulous idea!! Of course, this could get costly for me since I love a deal and I love toys. Another super fun V Day promotion currently going on is BOGO. You buy one toy and you get one FREE. They are also st...