Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

In the last week small town life at it’s finest has nearly bitten me in my ass.  Early in the week Peabody, I and a couple friends were at their favorite place to eat in town. Now pre-Peabody I avoided this place like the plague because Coach always said all the girls who used to hate on me went there all the time. However since Peabody, we’ve been there quite a number of times and I’ve never even seen anyone in there I knew. Imagine that, Coach lying… I digress, so we are in there eating dinner and having a good time.  This place is set up with bar seating only and the bar is this long curvy thing that winds in and out all around the place.  Across the bar from me a movement caught my eye and I glanced that way to see who was sitting down and it was…. Coach’s ex-wife. HA!  I wasn’t sure if she knew who I was or not and clearly since the whole break up debacle she and I have had no bad blood but it was still hella awkward. I nugdged Peabody and filled him it and ...

So Sunday I found out my brother and his wife are expecting their first kid.  They’ve apparently been trying for quite a while and though they had a rough patch earlier this year, things are apparently on the up and up with them.  My mom is over the moon. It’s been a good while since we had a baby in the family and quite honestly I think we were all starting to wonder if they were ever going to have kids.  It’s nice though because this is the first big happy family thing that has affected all of us since my dad passed away.  I digress though… After they told me I met them at my mom’s house for a little family celebration time.  I queried if they’d told Duckie and the kids and they hadn’t so I called them up and put them on speaker phone.  I told them “we” had some special news for them and to turn their phone on speaker. They did and my sister in law started talking (without introducing herself) and said “I’m having a baby!” There was a moment...

I feel bad because we are all neglecting the blog so much but I guess that’s what happens when you actually start LIVING life and being happy.  I find it incredibly humorous that all three of us are incredibly happy dating guys we almost passed up for one reason or another. I keep thinking how funny little decisions like that can change your life so dramatically. Today as I was killing time at work I saw this advice and it made me think about my past dating habits – “Every online profile, every random dater, every TV single person all say they want the same thing in a mate: a sense of humor. From men and women. But the pressure to be funny, when mixed with a healthy dose of nerves, means that conversations easily veer into banter. But banter often flips directly into sarcasm and making jokes at your date's expense. Whatever happened to sincerity? Sincerity is wonderful. Sincerity is milk chocolate; sarcasm is a grapefruit. In the past, I was deeply in love with a wo...

I’ve been thankful that Peabody has his kids the same weekends I have mine. It definitely makes dating easier and allows our kids to spend time together too which I think it important.  Example – we’ve done everything from taking them to the fair to playing at home to lunch/movies with them as a group.  I think it’s a good think for the kids to get to know each other and for both Peabody and I to see each other acting as a parent and see how we get along with the other one’s kids.  All that being said, Sunday nights are really hard for him when the kids go back to their mom’s.  He’s only had the kids every other weekend (and a couple weeks in the summer) since they’ve been divorced and he really would like more time with them.  Something he is going to likely go back to court for this spring if his ex doesn’t want to compromise.  When they split, his kids were really little, like 6 months old and 2 years old, and everyone told him it was best for them...

Last night I had one of those random dreams that creeps you out and makes you wake up with your heart pounding and pulse racing.  It took me a while to calm back down and as I lay there my mind was drifting from topic to topic. I was thinking about Peabody and how all we did was hang out at home this weekend and it was a blast.  I was laughing at the fact he brought me a “good” voodoo doll back from New Orleans instead of an “evil” one because he was scared to bring it on the plane.  How my relationship with Peabody is so different from anything I’ve experience before. Thinking about how much things have changed in my life in the last year. Just those sorts of things. Somewhere along the way I started thinking about Duckie and how things were with him.  I like to reminisce that I was very protective of my relationship (till my downfall with Sawyer that is) and I was by and large. I didn’t flirt or go out with single girlfriends.  But then I started thinkin...

Yesterday, Russell and The Fisherman were supposed to meet on a hike, but it is winter in Hawaii and it rains a lot this time of year. Needless to say, no hike occurred. Russell suggested an afternoon of games on the porch drinking, but The Fisherman really wasn't into that idea so I simply invited him for dinner. after much discussion over what would be a suitable activity. He came over at the appointed time with 2 bottles of really nice wine, which made Russell instantly like him. LOL, Josie pointed out he knows his audience! We ate and they talked and talked. I went inside a few times for things and to tend to Chloe and such and they kept chatting away. It was really, really nice! I could tell they both liked each other. As I was leaving last night to go to The Fisherman's, where I pretty much spend every night and rush home in the am before Chloe gets up, I thanked Russell for being nice. He said it wasn't hard and he really liked him. He thanked The Fisherman befor...

Russell is back. I'm excited to have him home. The Fisherman seems less than thrilled b/c it's cutting into my time with him. I absolutely adore The Fisherman. I mean like in a way I see us being together for a very, very long time but his insecurity makes me a little crazy. I don't like this part of being in a relationship. I know it's weird. I know it's hard to wrap your head around if you don't know Russell and I, but it seems like I'm at a crossroads where I'm really going to have to make some decisions and I chose the bf. I've been apathetic about filing for divorce. I hate that kind of paperwork thing, so I was going to let Russell do it. Now that The Fisherman is around though and I finally have a job with benefits, I'm going to look into filing the paperwork myself to give him some peace of mind that I really am his. The Fisherman is coming for Thanksgiving, so I suspect they will meet each other very soon! Stay tuned for how that goes....

So Monday night I had a delightful conversation with Peabody where we were making plans to do things over the next few months including New Years Eve. When I got off the phone with him I sent a quick text to the girls saying that after making all these plans maybe I needed to let go of my insecurity related to him and just accept that he likes me. Gwyn queried why I was feeling that way, something I’ve discussed at some length with Jules (my private therapist) and I gave her my pat answer of it being because I’m dumb and get insecure. Tuesday morning I was ruminating about it a little and considering calling my trusty counselor for a checkup session when I hopped on my work’s employee benefits site to look at our Employee Assistance Program to see if they had a therapist I could do a couple free sessions with. As I read over some information something dawned on me that should have a long time ago. I know I have some minor form of PTSD from my dad’s suicide. Hell my whole fami...

This weekend Peabody took me to the mountains of Virginia for a music festival. It was really just want I needed to not be focused on the anniversary of my dad’s death and we had a fabulous time and I feel like it moved our relationship forward a little bit. We left Thursday afternoon and I will admit I was a wee bit nervous because I didn’t know how I’d feel crying in front of him (which I was surely going to do) and because this is the longest we’ve been together (just the two of us). I always think a “road trip” is an ultimate test of a relationship and I’m happy to say I feel like we passed with flying colors. Over a weekend of much drinking and indulging we met some of the craziest cast of characters ever. Hippies, stoners, old people, young people, people with names like Wild Bill, Jeb, Fireman Mick, Elvis, and much more. Hell we even met some swingers! Friday morning around the campfire we started talking to this couple who were really very nice.  Immediately s...

The Fisherman is very much into toys. He's into a lot of fun things and has really pushed me to be more dominant in bed, which is something it turns out I like way more than I anticipated having always been submissive in bed. We switch it up though and it turns out we both like spankings, a lot. I've taken my hairbrush to his ass a few times and I'm going to get one tonight like I give him but I really want one of these whips  from our favorite sex store, Eden Fantasys . I want him to know he's been spanked. ;) One of our other working fantasies is a swing. I'm pretty sure this is on my Christmas list!! He has a lanai that is ocean front, but the way the building is situated, no one can really see in. I want one of these swings  to hang outside so that we can go out there at night and fuck with the ocean behind us and rock both outside sex and swing sex at the same time!! I've never been in one of these but they look like soooooo much fun! The Fisherman is a...

Well well lesson learned big time by this ol’ girl.  After our “fight” the other night and me valiantly fighting my instincts of throwing a hissy fit and being an uber-bitch I managed to stick to my “feelings” words courtesy Rory Raye and boy did it every pay off. After the last text exchange, Peabody and I didn’t talk about Monday night. I did text him a simple good night but that was it till the next morning.  About 7:45 he texted me like normal and I responded and then he blew up my phone for the next few hours texting me.  Apparently he’d been doing a little research and found a music festival for this weekend he wanted to take me to out of the blue.  Note, from the time we started talking Tuesday morning I acted completely normal. I had processed my hurt feelings and let it go and I was not on a mission to make him feel bad or guilty or anything. After a couple hours of texting and working he called me at work, very out of the ordinary, to make sure it...

Well I had my first “fight” with Peabody Monday tonight.   I haven’t seen him for the last eight days.   Yes EIGHT days without sex or even a kiss.   First I had the kids back and then he was out of town the rest of the week and then we both had the kids and were running in opposite directions all weekend.   Sunday night he crashed early but we did have a good conversation about our “relationship” and all was well. Today was pretty normal, random outbursts of crying related to my dad not withstanding. Tonight we talked on the phone per our usual pattern on the way home and he said he’d call me in a little while after we both did some chores. We were talking on the phone about 6:30 when I heard one of his friends show up.   We got off the phone and he said he’d call me back in a few minutes. About 25 minutes later I texted him that his friend was a cock block and how was I supposed to get in his pants with him around.   He replied and said “well...

Thank you Erotic Adventures in Brisneyland for the following TMI Tuesday questions. The LONG and the SHORT of it 1. What is the longest relationship you have been in? 12 years - my marriage - Jules 11 years - my marriage - Miranda 6 years - with The Ex. The reason I may never get married lol. -Gwyn 2. What is the shortest relationship you have been in? One night (LOL) - Jules Ditto lol - Miranda Relationship - probably a couple of weeks or so. If we're talking sex then I'd say 15 minutes. -Gwyn 3. How often do you have sex? How often do you want sex? I have sex with The Fisherman at least once every single day, but often multiple times if we are able to do so. I want it daily, at least once! - Jules I'm a woman in her prime. I want sex every day.  Schedules damn me with Peabody though and we have it a couple times a week. I'd never turn him down if I could have him under the same roof as me every night though. - Miranda Right now I have sex about 4-5 t...

I have won it. I am so totally into The Fisherman it is insane. He continues to rock my world both on a romantic, sweet level and on a dirty, hot sexual level. We’ve started doing some things that I’ve never done like serious spanking. It seems not only does he like to give them nice and hard (yes, please!), but he also likes to get them equally as hard. I have fingerprint bruises on my ass right now as I type this. I spanked the holy hell out of him the other night and he loved it. I never thought I would like doing it, but I did. It was a total role reversal from my normally submissive self. My bff was here last week and they got along great except for one slightly heated political discussion, lol. It was a wonderful week of fun and I think her being here and really liking him has helped ease Chloe more and she’s gotten to the point in just 2 weeks where she really seems to like him more. This weekend after my bff left, we took Chloe snorkeling and swam with sea turtles and she...

Being happy girls makes for dull blogging or so it seems.  Our updates have really trickled down but being happy is good, right?  And who would have every thought all three of us would have NICE guys all at the same time. The universe has definitely turned us upside down lol. Me and Peabody are still trucking along. This past week I managed to find my words and we talked a bit about the state of our relationship and him being more emotionally protective than me.  He said he’s felt like all the drama with his parents and his ex have made him less able to focus on me and he feels bad about that and he’s trying to work through it.  He’s had some hard discussions with both his parents and his ex this past week and today he says is the “dawn of a new day” for him.  Peabody said he’s going to get back focused on his life and what he wants so we’ll see if that makes it easier for him to let his guard down. The whole crazy relationship with his parents still b...

Well the whole meet the parents thing did not go well. Not on my behalf by any means but by theirs.   Peabody has a ….. complex relationship with his parents. He’s an only child with very little external family.   I’ve gotten the distinct impression that there was a fair amount of hero worship for his father growing up though his parents have a fairly dysfunctional relationship with each other.   He says his mom has always been degrading to his father (which explains why Peabody ended up marrying an uber-controlling bitch but that’s a story for another time). And I think their relationship is still very much that way. As Peabody’s marriage fell apart and he strayed, he was eaten up with so much guilt that he confessed to his ex-wife, his parents, and what little family he has.   Everyone jumped his shit hard core and pretty much turned against him.   His parents have routinely belittled him, gotten between him and his ex-wife, and pretty much treated hi...

Miranda is a happy girl.  Peabody has been out of town all week at an intensive strategy planning retreat for his job so I haven’t seen him much less even been able to talk to him very much.  But he was home yesterday and surprised me by coming over with my favorite Japanese dinner! He chatted with the kids for a bit talking sports with Leo and listening to Ladybug read her latest book and then I sent them off to bed.  We ate and watched some of the Yankees game and then got down and dirty lol.  Afterwards we lay in bed and watched most of the rest of the game when he suddenly said, “Will 6:30 work for tomorrow?” I asked for what and he said to come over for his son’s birthday party and to meet his parents!  I’ve met his dad very briefly in passing before but for like two minutes and I’ve never met his mom.  What is it about the idea of meeting someone’s parents that immediately makes me feel like I’m about 16 years old?  Even meeting Gwy...

So despite continuing wonderful weeks with Peabody I’ve had a couple minutes of insecurity. Just here and there but nothing major or lasting by any means.  As I sat here today ruminating on why that is (and how crazy that is because literally everything he does says how much he likes me) and I was reflecting on why I’ve had any moments of doubt with him when something smacked me in the face. Do I think I’m unlovable? Obviously with this month leading up the third anniversary of my dad’s suicide it’s an emotion filled time.  But perhaps deep down in my psyche, his suicide created some underlying damage that makes me think because he didn’t love me enough to stay here and fight for me no one ever will.  Now before everyone freaks, I know that’s crazy.  I have read quite a bit on suicide and the effects on families, children, and particularly daughters who lose their fathers so I know similar thoughts plague many people.  But I’ve never really conside...

So this glorious holiday weekend has continued and it's been full of awesome. The Fisherman did make it to polo yesterday and he met Gwyn and her bff and Chloe's bff, who according to Chloe was the real test of whether he could stick around. He passed with flying colors though. Our polo field is on the beach here, so he played with the girls in the water and they were sold. Chloe said yesterday was less awkward and she does like him. Yay!!! After polo, we took the girls back to his pool and he played and swam around with them for a good hour and a half while I lounged between the hot tub and the pool. Then he suggested we take them to Chloe's favorite restaurant for dinner. We packed up, showered, and then he came over and we went out to a fabulous dinner. His next door neighbor joined us for a few drinks after dinner and she's a sweet lady. She and I talked and talked, but as we talked I could tell we were losing the rest of the table to fatigue. They had worn themse...

Everything just keeps going along well with Peabody.   I’ve been working hard on being really open, especially about how I’m feeling in regards to my dad, and working on continuing to take things slowly and easily with him.   Weekend before last we took the kids to a concert and it was a worlds colliding moment with all my old party friends there and Peabody and a bunch of his friends who are fast becoming my friends. My friend D, the country party girl, was there of course and I think it made her mad I wasn’t throwing down with her but hell I had my kids there and it was really not the right venue, nor am I the same girl I was the last time I went out with her like that (back right after the period of grounding). Anyways we had a ton of fun that night with the kids running around playing on the bouncy slide and hula hoops while we listened to music.   That Sunday morning, Ladybug got up and announced that she was making Peabody a picture.   Awwww! ...

I swear I am more and more into The Fisherman every day. He is awesome! We spent Friday day working and doing our own thing. I met him right after he got off at his place and he poured me a glass of wine and I sat on the lanai drinking it while watching the waves and sea turtles as he showered. We went to a seafood festival Friday night at a gorgeous resort here and it was pure heaven. We did a wine tasting, so much wine was flowing, ate tons of amazing food, and listened to some bands play. One of the bands that played was one I saw with The Chilean a few months ago and I was afraid he might be there since he loves her, but I didn't see him! We came home and actually passed out together having sex. I remember waking up to him taking a toy out of me and admitting he'd fallen asleep too. I woke up yesterday morning about 6am to him rubbing against me. As I became more and more awake, it heated up and we had spooning sex. I can honestly say I've never had sex in that positi...

I know you are all tired of the sappy love story with The Fisherman, so Jules is going to give you a hot sex story. He is my sexual soul mate. I swear I have never been with a man that can and wants to fuck as much as I do until this one. I have spent every night with him this week and it’s been OMG great, but last night was one of the hottest. I went to his place after work and I still had on my work clothes b/c I looked nice and he was taking me to my favorite Indian place for dinner.  I walked in and he kissed me and told me how hot I looked and how much he wanted to bend me over the bed right then. I asked what was stopping him and the next thing I knew, my panties were coming down, my skirt was being pushed up, and he was deep inside me. He fucked my kitty for a long time and then moved to my ass. I came and came and came and finally he pulled out and came so hard he shot cum literally all across the bed. It was hot. We cleaned up and went to sit on his lanai and have a g...

The Fisherman continues to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. I know I’ve been horrible about blogging lately, but if I’m not with Chloe or at work, I’m with him. It’s been a whirlwind romance but I have to tell you guys I am just completely head over heels for him.  Since I last blogged about him, we have literally seen each other pretty much every day. He comes over most nights after Chloe is in bed. I’ve cooked dinner for him several nights and getting to know him and falling in love with him is just simply amazing. Did you guys ever think you would hear this from Jules??!   Here’s an example of his awesomeness, last week I was talking to my bff. She’s going through some shit and I was lamenting how much I miss her and I hate being so far from here in times like this. He says “bring her over”. I laughed and said that would be awesome, but neither she nor I could afford a ticket for her at this time. He said “I’m paying”.  People, he bought my bff a ticket ...

So I had a wee bit of crazy sneak in this weekend.  Friday night I went to bed and everything felt fine with Peabody.  Saturday morning I woke up paralyzed with the idea that he didn’t like me as much as I like him. Where did this devilish little thought come from?  I have no freaking clue. It certainly wasn’t because of anything he did or didn’t do. That day I had to work a large part of it so I didn’t see him until the night.  That period of absence seemed to make my crazy grow exponentially. It resulted in me being stilted and awkward that whole night and a good portion of Sunday.  Peabody asked me several times if I was having fun(we were at a concert) and if everything was ok and I valiantly tried to paint a “I’m not freaking out” smile on my face and act normal but judging from the number of times he asked I’m pretty sure I failed. Sunday evening I was at home and got determined to squash this weird insecurity I was feeling by just addressing it ...

Things have been an amazing whirlwind with The Fisherman that I don't even know where to start since I've been without my computer and the ability to blog regularly. First of all, let's start with Owen. I saw him last week and felt so incredibly guilty that I just knew I couldn't do it again. He texted me about meeting up last Friday and I told him I could not and that I'd met someone who was rocking my world and I needed time to explore that. He was sweet about it and told me I totally deserve someone awesome in my life. Oddly his reaction made it harder, but I did it. I freaked out a little and cried afterwards, but I felt like it was totally the right decision. He texted me again last night and I stood firm telling him I seriously need some time. He said he's willing to give me that and if I want to ever see him, he will be waiting. I don't do goodbyes, ever. I suck at that so I've just put him on hold but have been very open about my feeling for The ...