Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

 After the Return of Sawyer debacle I went back to online dating and discovered a string of totally unsuitable and unappetizing guys but they gave me some good laughs. There was a friend of Peabody’s who remembered meeting me but I didn’t remember meeting him.   He was super conservative and a Trump lover but I went out with him out of spite just hoping it would get back around to Peabody.   We had a very unremarkable date in the small town I live in – again hoping someone would see me and get back to Peabody (I’m nothing if not a little petty).   We talked and he gave me a sob story about having a legit crazy ex-wife and wanted a lot of details about Peabody.   Gossip travels fast in this small town I suppose.   We kissed a little at the end of the night and it wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t anything to want to take your pants off about.   Then there was the vet, as in veterinarian, who was so old fashioned he didn’t have a cell phone – at least th...

 So yeah Sawyer and I finally got our practically healthy grown up relationship. I realize how much of an oxymoron that sounds but if you read any of the old blog where he and I were “dating” we were so immature and ridiculous then.  The first night he came over we just hung out for a while and of course he laid one of his trademark knee melting kisses on me right away.   The chemistry between us has always been incredible, definitely unmatched with anyone I’ve been with in my history. We sat on the couch for a while and just talked.   Caught up on the years and how life had been and all that stuff.   He suggested we grab some takeout so we went out and he held the door open for me in his giant ass truck and helped me get it.   As I was sitting in his truck waiting for him to get in, it was totally surreal.   We drove down the road and he started laughing and said exactly what I was thinking – how weird it was after all these years and all history to...

After I got over the “ick” of the ending with the Rock Star, I floundered for a few weeks.  I tried to not do the dating apps but of course I was swiping like it was an Olympic sport.  In the midst of all that I had a little too much to drink one night and ended up texting Sawyer…. Yes the SAWYER (read back on the blog to see the whole details of that relationship) – the cliff notes version is he’s someone I fell for at the end of my relationship with Duckie (the kids dad) and got caught in a toxic cycle of him wanting me to be his girlfriend while I was single and he was not. After our powerful albeit brief and twisted relationship ended, we ran into each other over the years totally innocently.   I was with Peabody and I’d see him at the grocery store or for one fun basketball season Sawyer’s son played on a rival team of Peabody’s son and we had to sit across the gym from each other and not make eye contact.   Peabody knew about Sawyer and had a massive insecu...

During my painful 18 month split from Peabody, I, thanks in part to a tremendous therapist, realized that Peabody was a narcissist.  And in those final days of dating the Rock Star I realized that he too was a narcissist.  And in fact, when I look back over the years, a lot of guys I’ve dated have been various forms of narcissists. WTF! I read so much on narcissism during my Peabody split I could write a dissertation on them at this point.   For Peabody, he was a Vulnerable Narcissist.   Vulnerable narcissists are self-absorbed, entitled, exploitative, unempathetic, manipulative, and aggressive, and they fear criticism so much that they shy away from attention. They lack autonomy, have imposter syndrome, a weak sense of self, are self-alienated and unable to master their environment.   Vulnerable narcissists are insecure and unhappy with their lives and they experience more distress, anxiety, guilt, depression, hypersensitivity, and shame. They’re co...

So after the failure of the relationship with JJ, I got back on the dating apps.  It was the early days of Covid so life was weird and there wasn’t much to do.  In an odd sort of way those early days when the world was literally shut down may have finally been what taught Miranda to be still and be able to just be home.  After a few weeks I started working the dating apps in ernest and was not seeing much out there besides guys who wanted Covid pen pals.   I kept running into guys who were recently separated (like a doctor who works for the same company I work for – awkward), I talked to a veterinarian for a while who didn’t have a cellphone – that’s right he gave me his email address and landline lol, and then I finally expanded my parameters to people up to about 50 or so miles away from where I live.   Still hitting nothing exciting I opted to upgrade my Bumble membership to see people who had already liked me and lightening hit. Enter the Rockstar… The...

 I know I keep saying the words are coming but it’s been a struggle for the first time in my life.  The last two years and especially the last six months have really been transformative for me.  For the first time, maybe ever in my life, I feel very comfortable just being myself.  Weird I know.  But now I want to start catching up on everything that’s happened…. This isn’t the story of Peabody, I’m not ready for that yet, just know it was horribly messy and verbally/emotionally abusive and I literally turned myself inside out to try to save that marriage and thanks to my awesome therapist, I somehow found myself in the middle of the mess and got myself out of it as methodically, intelligently and blunting some, but not all, of the trauma.   But this isn’t that story, this is the story of JJ … on the heels of moving out and into my own house, what did Miranda do?   Signed right up for the dating apps.   Y’all know single Miranda is never not da...

Men suck. That’s all I really have to say about that topic.  My words are starting to find their way back to me. I need the catharsis of writing. Get ready... Miranda - the disgruntled lol

  I know, I know. I was all “Miranda is back!” And then I disappeared – or as the young folk say I ghosted you.   The truth is I’m struggling to find my voice.   I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago – hell I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago. But then none of us are. I’m dating – a lot lol. That part of Miranda hasn’t changed.   Since I left Peabody, I’ve had two relationships, I had a “situationship” with Sawyer – yes the Sawyer from the past  – that almost became a real thing much to my shock, and then I’ve been on dozens of dates with multiple random other guys. I’m finding that even over the last year alone I’ve really started to figure out, or at least get closer to figuring out what exactly I want. I’ve dated guys with wildly differing income levels, life experiences, education and career pursuits.   I feel like I’m being really honest with myself and with them about when things aren’t a good fit.   In essence, I’m trying to dat...

Man looking back at that last post sucks.   Four years and some months later I’m sitting at the other end of the infidelity matrix.   Yep, a mere 15 months after Peabody and I got married - he started having an affair that turned into 18 months of hell with him making me think I was crazy, me being forced to hang out with what was his “friend” and HER husband (yes she was married as well), him becoming verbally and mentally abusive and finally, finally him getting busted, fessed up to it and then him going INSANE when I told him I wouldn’t forgive him.   The story is long and complicated and painful.   The full story will come eventually. I cried more in those 18 months than I have in my whole life combined.   I fought for him and for the relationship – even when he was at his most abusive.   But ultimately I knew I would never forgive him or trust him again, and I deserve a hell of a lot better life than that.   So I left his sorry ass.   O...

Every once in a while fairytales, albeit sometimes long twisting ones, come true. Miranda and Peabody tied the knot. Thank you for the therapy and laughs. Farewell friends.

This is always a popular theme this time of year, but I have taken it by the balls and made it my mantra for 2016! Things with The Captain were going great until he pushed me to finally file my divorce with the Fisherman. I filed last week and he got really squirrelly and said he thought we should put our relationship on hold until it was finalized. Um, what? I did what you asked and now because things might be a little rough (and by that I mean I may have to appear before a judge instead of an uncontested divorce, but whatever), you run? The fuck? No thanks...no need to hold because I'm out. The Captain was an ex-Navy seal. They aren't supposed to be pussies, what happened? By the way, I'd like to add he really manned up and did this via text too. I have zero respect for him now. So out with the old, except for Owen. Owen is like a warm fuzzy blanket you wrap up in and get fucked into oblivion. I promptly texted him and took him out of holding and apologized for our brea...

Last night I got to go out with The Captain for an amazing dinner at a very nice, local restaurant. It was so romantic and I should add in here that I hadn't seen him in almost two weeks. His work schedule has been crazy (as has Russell's) and then when he was off, he got sick and ended up in the hospital for 3 days. So, it was a much needed date night!! After dinner we went back to his place and we literally spent the next 3 1/2 hours having nonstop sex. Well we would stop for about a minute after he came and then start right back. It was awesome!! We decided maybe we should see less of each other (not really but damn it was great reunion sex)! I should mention that I quit seeing Owen right after I started seeing The Captain. Sex with The Captain rivals Owen sex and if I can get that from my boyfriend, no need for Owen. Owen still texts me every other day or so, but I've stood firm. Anyway back to the actual story, I normally get up and leave in the middle of the nig...

So, I wasn't sure if I would or could write this down, but it happened and I need to put it somewhere. I  had an abortion on Monday. Who the hell, gets   accidentally   knocked up by her husband at 39 damn years of age? Me.   Ohh .. I have excuses, my Dad just died, the complete break down of my marriage, birth control just wasn't on my list of concerns. Hubby and I have had sex 3 times in 2 months. I was horny and lazy and he was there. I'm an idiot. But see, this has a weird kind of twist. My Mom had a baby(me) at 39, both my sisters had babies had babies at 39/40. I have sworn since the day after my son was born I would not have another and especially not at 40. Was this irony? I don't know, I just know that when I took that pregnancy test it wasn't even a question.   Hubby has been surprisingly supportive and kind about the whole ordeal, even considering the amount of money he had to pay.   The abortion itself was weird, just an odd situation all around...

I had a really nice date with The Captain tonight! We went to one of my favorite restaurants for happy hour and had a few glasses of wine and then he suggested a sunset walk on the beach, yes please! It was very romantic and our first kiss turned into this one really long amazing one. He has a beard, which I'm not crazy about and thought I would hate kissing him, but it wasn't a big deal. I like him a lot and I'll probably date him for a little while, but he doesn't make my knees weak yet. He's stable and kind and those are some attractive qualities. We have a lot in common. I'm definitely interested in seeing it play out more. He leaves tomorrow night for 5 weeks, so I guess that will be the true test too. He comes home periodically during that time but I don't know how much I'll see him then because I would imagine that's family time, as it should be. -Jules

Well, it seems Jules likes her boat captains! I went out to lunch with a guy yesterday who is a boat captain! If you remember, The Fisherman (or ex husband #2)  was also one. Of course this one says he  is a real one because he captains a real boat and not a tour boat. I like him!! He's got some potential. I'm actually going out for happy hour with him tomorrow too! So he's 41-42, super stable, owns his house (which is a big deal in Hawaii), works a great job making really good money, tall and stocky, and he hates sports except for surfing...all wins. The downside is he is a single dad to a 13 year old boy and because he's gone for 5 weeks at a time with his job, his mom moved here to help with his son and she lives with them!!! He's super sweet and kind of shy, but really easy to talk to and can carry on a conversation without long, awkward pauses. He pulled out my chair at lunch, held doors, and didn't try to paw at me in the parking lot after lunch. He has ...

Josie, a childhood friend of Jules and Miranda joins the blog today. If you're a long time reader you may remember Josie and her errant husband Dave as the schoolyard friends who helped Miranda move not once but twice she since  her divorce. To say the least, life has changed for them... My Dad, my hero died July 16, 2015. He wasn't always perfect but after caring for my Mom relentlessly for 12 years with Alzheimer's he paid his   penitence .   There is no penitence for what my husband did in the days that followed my Dad's death.  July 17th we went shopping for appropriate funeral attire. (after losing my Mom in 2011 I wouldn't keep those things in my house).  I lost my wallet/cellphone, I set it down mindlessly and it was stolen. My husband, (who has been   referred   to as Dave in the past and from now will be here) lost his shit. He yelled at me in front of our son and strangers about being a stupid, wasteful cunt.  There was no "accidents hap...

Today was weird.  I did go out with Guy #3 tonight. I would name him but since I probably won't ever go out with him again, why bother? We went for drinks at a local bar and it was nice, but just nice...no chemistry and he talked about his drama a lot during the date. I'm a social worker all day, I don't want to hear about your shit in my downtime unless we are friends. The super weird part of the day though was Clark. Remember Clark from like 4 years ago? He's still in NC but he messages me on FB today and we started chatting and he told me how he had loved me and would welcome me back in his life and oh yeah, did I want a roommate bc he wants to move back to Hawaii?! For real...I told him I had one, Russell. It was so strange though bc even after all this time, these strange feelings resurfaced. I told him with his ability to control people, he really should be using his powers for good. Where in the world did the universe find him?! -Jules

Well I have finally decided to date again and it's already been fun, funny, and frustrating. I met a really nice guy that I thought had a lot of potential, but I was wrong. He works like all the time and is very self involved, which is fine. I don't need a clinger. He started off as a clinger and then moved into a weird zone. Then we had sex and it was ok. Ya'll know ok sex is never ok in my book...ever. After that I was kind of like "eh", then we did it again and while the sex was slightly (just slightly) better that time, I found out he snored and asked him to leave. I texted him a few days later and said I was out. I can't date someone that the sex is just ok and he snores on top of it. Then I met a cop online and a local boy at that. I've never dated a local guy, by that I mean Hawaiian. I like him but his life seems like it has some drama so I'm proceeding with caution. He has an ex wife and 2 kids.  I was supposed to go out with him Sunday but d...

After 6 weeks of pleading (including him talking to various family members and friends) he wore me down  and I am giving him another chance. He swore things would be different and that getting that big ole kick in the ass woke him up. He's been courting me big time and things have been really different. We will see what happens as time goes on..... Miranda

Peabody keeps asking me for another chance.  He’s saying all the “right” things and promising that everything will be different.  But how many chances does one person get?  How can everything that was wrong just magically change overnight? That’s what I keep asking him back. We all know things, and especially people, don’t just change like that.  And that saying you’ll do something and actually doing it are worlds apart.  He keeps saying he knows he was stupid and complacent, that he was wrapped up in the wrong stuff and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. It just really sucks to finally hear him say the very thing I’ve been wanting to hear all this time.