The Jam Jar

 I know I keep saying the words are coming but it’s been a struggle for the first time in my life.  The last two years and especially the last six months have really been transformative for me.  For the first time, maybe ever in my life, I feel very comfortable just being myself.  Weird I know.  But now I want to start catching up on everything that’s happened….

This isn’t the story of Peabody, I’m not ready for that yet, just know it was horribly messy and verbally/emotionally abusive and I literally turned myself inside out to try to save that marriage and thanks to my awesome therapist, I somehow found myself in the middle of the mess and got myself out of it as methodically, intelligently and blunting some, but not all, of the trauma. 

But this isn’t that story, this is the story of JJ … on the heels of moving out and into my own house, what did Miranda do?  Signed right up for the dating apps.  Y’all know single Miranda is never not dating (well not until more recently but that too is a story for another day). 

So JJ was a guy I met and quickly got into a relationship with on the heels of moving out.  He was the perfect rebound guy, even though I didn’t classify it as a rebound at the time.  He was a super tall, football player type guy with the brain of a total computer programmer nerd.  We had a massive first date where basically I spilled out all my trauma – both dad and Peabody – and he took it in stride and spilled out his (super controlling ex-wife).  We had dinner and drank and had a massive make out session.  He was leaving for a trip with his kids a few days later (going to Disney World – he’s a massive Disney freak) and he actually sent me flowers while he was gone with the sweetest note! I have to tell you it was just what my battered heart needed. 

We progressed rather quickly into a relationship – clearly we were both a bit co-dependent and of course slept together.  Now let me tell you this man – was tall and broad in all the ways.  I told one of my friends here to think of a jam jar – hahahahah - hence he's know as JJ here.  The sex was something other worldly and not just because I had been celibate for almost a year through the end of my marriage.  He flipped me over, around, upside down, in, out and every which way.  The sex was phenomenal to say the least.  Though he did have the oddest orgasm face I’ve ever seen – it was like his mouth would form this perfect little o and his eyes would get all big.  It’s hard to describe but I will never get it out of my head lol.

Interestingly while we were dating I never really wanted him to meet my friends or my family.  Usually that was always my thing, once the “relationship” was defined I would be all about integrating that person into my life.  But something was holding me back with JJ.  As time went on, I kept thinking about that and also why if things were as great as they seemed, why I wasn’t even getting close to being open emotionally with him. (Now retrospectively I know it was trauma holding me back, and the beginning understanding of who I really wanted in a partner.) 

After a series of either rescheduled or canceled dates because his ex-wife kept changing her plans and thus his childcare kept changing, I was getting pretty irritated.  We took a leap and booked a cruise together and then of course Covid hit.  Cruise was canceled, life was canceled lol.

He already worked from home and I, like most people in the world, got sent to working from home and I expected that we would still be able to see each other.  Very shortly I realized that would not be the case.  One a phone call a week or two into Covid, he told me his ex-wife was insisting that he and I not see each other during Covid to protect their kids.  Now she could see her boyfriend, but apparently it wasn’t ok for JJ and me.  I let that marinate for a day or two and then I was like this is BS.  And I told him that.  I told him, nicely, that while I had enjoyed our time together, if he was going to let his ex-wife rule our relationship I was out.  He was upset and tried to change things with her but I told him it was too late.  I had seen the flash forward of a relationship years in the future with JJ and all I could feel was irritation that his ex-wife would always be an issue because he didn’t have BOUNDARIES! 

We parted amicably and have actually kept in touch.  He credits me with him making a lot of progress with his relationship with his ex and setting boundaries and even with him buying a new house and a bunch of other stuff.  He has actually asked me 4-5 times to give him another chance but I always say no and that all we can be is just friends.  He continues to try and even has tried to get some of our mutual friends to plead his case so now I’ve had to set more BOUNDARIES of my own in our relationship lol. 

I knew then deep down inside, and I still know now that JJ and I are not supposed to be a couple. But damn to do I miss that jam jar of his…..