Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

The Christian is intense; I don’t think that’s a surprise based on my last post about him. He also has amazing physical restraint. I mean Tuesday night was another passionate night of talking, laughing, and a whole lot of physical affection. Our words were tripping over each other almost as much as we kissed. We even wound up naked in his bed and yet we didn’t have sex. Believe me I wanted to, but he wasn’t about to bend. After we seemed to get this long burst of physical connection tamped down we went back down stairs and lay on his loveseat for the next two hours listening to of all things – Willie Nelson (haha Jules made me think of my first trip to Hawaii when I pushed play in Russell’s car and Willie Nelson started singing) – and mostly just enjoying the silence and physical presence of each other. It was a really interesting night. Different from Monday in that Monday it was more of a flavor of The Christian “owning” me from a physical sense and Tuesday felt more like him “own...

When I first got his message it intrigued me. Just the right amount of confidence mixed with self deprecating humor and it was obvious he’d actually read my profile and took a moment to think of more interesting things than saying “you’re hot” or “hey beautiful.” I looked at his profile before responding and it was just as intriguing as that first message he sent. He’s smart, funny, college educated, has two kids, divorced about the same length of time as me, 6’ tall, brown hair (though it’s shaved right now) and brown eyes. The only thing that made me pause was him stating that religion was a big factor in his life. It’s not that I’m not religious, I certainly have a strong faith in God and I’ve been in and out of church over the years. But it’s not something I define myself by. I have lots of questions and very few answers so I hoped that it wouldn’t be a big clash between us. I replied and it set off a flurry of emails back and forth over the last two weeks. Smart, funny, intrigu...

Yes, Jules got tied up today and it was fucking hot!! Owen and I were going to try to get together twice today, but since my lunch and his return trip from the Dr. didn't line up quite like we hoped, it was only once...but it was the most awesome of times!!! I had mentioned a few days ago that I'd bought restraints and wondered what his thoughts were on tying me up. He said he thought it would be H-O-T and it was! He came in and I was playing with my favorite big pink vibe. He took over that for few and reached over and started playing with the ropes. I started stroking his cock and he pulled one of my wrists up and put one of the ropes over it. Then he did the same to the other side and looped it around his very hard cock. He continued to fuck me with the toy and let me stroke him. When he was ready to enter me, he pulled the vibe out and put it to my lips for me to lick. I obeyed and then he put it back in me along with his cock and proceeded to gently fuck me and kiss me w...

After much soul searching and intense emotional overload, it’s come to this decision…. wait for it…. I’m excommunicating Coach from my life. Despite feeling like I still have love for him, he’s not who I need in my life. He’s not who I want in my life. And he damn sure isn’t who I deserve to have in my life. My problem, which my counselor pointed out many a times, is that I keep feeling like if he really loved me, he’d change. But that’s not how people work. Yes we can change to a certain extent and if you want to make changes you certainly can. But he’s not ready to change, he doesn’t realize the extent to which he needs to change, and frankly at this point I don’t think he’s capable of changing. And if he really loved me, he’d have left me alone when we broke up and not dragged me down for the last 10 months as I battled my addiction to him. So despite this speed bump in the last week of letting him back into my life, I’m cutting it off. I’m excommunicating him. I’m shunning him...

Yesterday I met the teacher, who I am very creatively calling "Teach", for coffee. He was finishing up his last day at school because he's taking the kids to DC (50 of them!) so he was running a little late and texted me to ask if we could meet up a little later. I'm glad he does actually text too, though I'm still a big fan of the phone calls from him. Anyway, I said yes but I had to leave at a certain time to get to Chloe's soccer game and that it would have to be a speed date. He was there when I got there (big plus) and bought us coffee and we sat in the garden area and talked non stop. He's really funny and very cute. He's not a drop dead hottie, but I'm definitely attracted to him. He's also not a bad boy and while that is totally my type, it's a good thing that he's not. He has a Masters degree in Education and seems to really love what he does. He doesn't have kids of his own and I didn't get yet whether or not he'...

Two weeks without a post. Did you think I’d fallen off the Earth? That’s definitely a new record for Miranda. Not a whole lot has been going on. Mr. Big was out of town and he texted a few times but not enough to keep this ADD girl interested. He’s back this week but we haven’t seen each other yet. Other than that the only thing I’ve been doing is keeping secrets and I don’t want to so here I am laying it out via a post only because I’m too chicken to text it all to Jules and Gwyn. Honestly after my whole “I’m still in love with Coach” so called revelation I’ve been obsessively poking and prodding my feelings trying to figure out what they are. My feelings are complex and twisted and honestly I’ve felt like every fiber of my being was screaming out to encourage me to have a face to face interaction with Coach to see what I’d feel when he was standing in front of me. So I did something that very well may earn me an ass whopping when Jules comes to NC in a couple week. I messaged Coa...

Jules has some potential summer fun lined up...with an adult...that has a job. I am so not getting excited yet, but I've been emailing with this guy I met online (not on POF or CL) and he is a teacher and he's 39. He used to be some corporate schmuck, but gave it up b/c he hates corporate America and decided to give back to the world and teach.  Instant score b/c while I want to date an employed man, I despise the corporate world. I'm almost drooling as I type this because I love men that are in "helping" professions. Anyway, we have not done the 50 million emails back and forth (which I've grown to hate). He asked me out pretty quickly, which I'm into only because I've talked endlessly with a few guys that never panned out to be anything b/c I got bored talking to some random stranger I'd never met before. I'd rather meet someone quickly to see if continued interaction is warranted. He asked for my phone number and I gave it to him last week...

Owen brought it today. I mean he BROUGHT it. I don't know what's going on with him. Every day since I told him that eventually I am going to want more out of life than just being his mistress, he has texted with me. I mean like normal texting regular life convo kind of stuff, not just our usual sexting. This is unusual behavior, but I'm just assuming that it's his attempt to keep me engaged with him and maintain the gravy train he's got going. I think he thinks if he steps it up a notch that I'll be satisfied. The good part of that convo the other day seems to be his need to please me went from 1000% to about 10,000%. We arranged a long meeting this afternoon. Since I've been in school, I don't have a lot of free time when he does. It's been a lot of quickies and meetings when we can and us being late for something just to see each other, but today we arranged a time where neither one of us was in hurry to be anywhere and we spent the entire hour p...

M   is for masturbation 1. How often do you masturbate? A couple times a week...depends on my mood. ;) - Jules First let me say that graphic is very disturbing lol.  A couple times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. - Miranda I don't want to talk about this!! I'm a lady!! -Gwyn 2. What are you doing to celebrate Masturbation month? Buy a sex toy?? Lol, I don't know...keep the party going? - Jules Um take matters into my own had since I'm sans sex partner?  Definitely not use the rabbit vibrator I bought a while back. Talk about a major disappointment!  - Miranda I refuse to believe that there even is such a thing. -Gwyn 3. Do you like to watch your partner masturbate? a. Yes, it turns me on. b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused. c. Not really, it’s boring. d. No, it’s a turn off. e. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to. A. Yes, it turns me on but I'd rather be fucking him so we move off of it quickly. - Jules A - In the...

Yesterday I went hiking with Chloe and my ex work husband. As we were headed back, we stopped to look at some baby birds and as I'm taking pictures of them I hear my ex work husband talking to some people on bikes telling them to look at them. Then I hear a voice I recognize and turn around...only to come face to face with Owen and his daughter. I turned around quickly and resumed bird watching and as he rode down the path, he turned back and grinned at me. They rode on and I thought they had come from the opposite direction, but no. As we came through a gated area, there they were again and as I doubled around to get back on the trail I said something b/c he was just staring at me and damn if he didn't start up a convo. Really??? Hello, awkward moment. Chloe and ex work husband were ahead of me, so I stood there talking to them for a few minutes. When he pointed out my earrings that I'd made to his daughter, I decided that was my cue to exit the area. I could not stand t...

I’m having a weird few days. Maybe it’s been the full super moon or maybe the universe is just fucking with me. Either way it’s getting on my nerves. After my fun dates with Mr. Big last week the weekend was relatively quiet. I went out with the girls Friday night and had a very fun time. Saturday/Sunday Kansas was around a lot doing work on my house. I hear Jules and Gwyn groaning but seriously nothing has happened with him in forever. Between he, me, and my boss we’ve developed this weird threesome friendship of sorts. I think Kansas has a hero complex and he sees her and me as poor defenseless moms who don’t know how to do stuff around the house, which it totally not true. So he gets his manly complex fed by coming over to do things like install screen doors, patch nail holes, move heavy furniture. We’ve decided he’s our community service project. By hanging out with us he gets to work on his weirdo emotional issues, learn how to be a normal human being, and in exchange we get ...

I had hot lunch time sex with Owen today. It was amazing! Of course as I was walking back into the office, I noticed that I had some cum on my collar bone. He was fucking me and then when he was ready to cum, I sucked him off. Apparently it took me a few seconds too long to get him into my mouth and he came some on my collar bone. Then, I noticed that I had a clump of something sticky in my hair...rofl, classy! We were supposed to meet up again after I got out of practicum for round 2, but it was thwarted by the damn wife. I expressed some frustration over this and encouraged him to cum by despite her close proximity. We texted and teased each other some and then he told me that he felt excited and guilty all at the same time about this exchange and not coming over again. I took it a step further and told him that I found it a lot easier being his mistress when I still felt like I was married. I told him that I'm at that point where I want more out of a relationship, but that I l...

Well 60 days of grounding went a long ways my friends. It was seriously the best decision I’ve made probably since I left Duckie in the first place. I mentioned that I had started back up my OkCupid account last week to amuse myself while I was sick. I have gotten a lot of messages from a whole lot of unsuitable people on there to say the least (remember the lawyer/magician/paraplegic?). But one guy popped up with an entertaining message and I bit and responded. Two messages turned into about 15 of the course of a couple days and I was very intrigued by him. When he asked, I complied and gave him my number. We texted just a few times and then he asked if it was ok to call. I told him of course and Sunday night turned into an almost three hour phone conversation. Winner winner chicken dinner! Egon what's up with the Kid and Play 'fro? Mr. Big (yes I may be Miranda but I’m actually more of a “Carrie” with a dash of “Miranda” and “Samantha” thrown in in real life) is 44...

The Here & Now 1. Are you wearing any jewelry? What?   Nothing right now...it's PJ time here in HI. - Jules   Nope not a piece. -Gwyn   Nope. I'm in bed at the moment. - Miranda 2. What are you listening to now?   The sound of Chloe taking a shower and silence. - Jules   The air conditioner vent in my office blowing freezing cold air right on me! -Gwyn   The sound of my ceiling fan.  You've caught me in a quiet moment. - Miranda 3. What is the last piece of entertainment media (i.e., cd, download, book, DVD) that you purchased? Do you recommend it?   I bought the Adele CD last month at Target and I love it. Yes, I still buy CDs. - Jules   The last book I bought was the final book of The Hunger Games trilogy. I loved the whole series and highly recommend it. -Gwyn   The last book I bought was also the final book of the Hunger Games trilogy.  They were great! And no Gwyn and I didn't plan that lol...