Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I saw Owen today for some morning sex before work. It was our normal, heated, passionate fun. I met him out b/c Gwyn's mom is visiting and Russell was home as well. We've been trying to hook up all week, but this was our first chance. Anyway, I brought a new toy with me and it was amazing! I hopped into his van in one of our spots and he was already taking off his clothes. I paused to take off my shoes and he pulled me over to him and started undressing me and kissing me. We fooled around for a little bit, kissing, touching, etc. and then he asked me for the new toy I had told him about. It's a new glass anal toy...omg. I just got it last week and had not had an opportunity to use it until today. He bent me over and knelt beside me playing with me and working it into me. Then he got behind me and starting fucking me...it was amazing and intense. He came within a few minutes, which is super unusual for him! Of course, he kept going...I really love that trait in him. I fi...

Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…” S-E-X again This week’s  TMI Tuesday questions  are on a subject near and dear to our hearts (and some other body parts, too). It’s all about SEX!…Yes, again. 1. What is your sexual personality? a. The Controller – initiating sex, twisting your lover into positions you want, and driving scene play by play b. Sex Slave – You love to be used and at the mercy of your lover. You don’t initiate but follow and do as you are told. You love to be used. c. Daredevil – Sexual adventure and sexual thrills are what you are all about. You get off on the risk factor. d. Subdued – Sex is a necessary part of the relationship so you are available when needed. Wow, I'm actually A-C rolled into one. I like being in control at times, but mostly I'm very submissive in bed and do as I'm told. I do like to have sex in all kinds of crazy places and ways though and the ...

So a serious case of strep throat laid me low most of last week and into the weekend. In my boredom, and in light of the upcoming cease to my grounding, I reopened my account on Ok Cupid. I find it to be a much less skanky version of PoF.  The goal was to entertain myself during my confinement and boy did it turn entertaining. Emails start arriving.  In my languishing state I look through them laughing and passing on funny tidbits to my boss.  An interesting prospect arrives. Cute, mid 40s, lawyer, foodie/wine guy, smart, knows how to spell (or use spell check), only apparent negative is he lives about an hour away from me.  I opted to exchange a few messages.  All very interesting and promising. Then I actually read his profile and not only does he own a law firm, he's a magician on the side.  Yes I said magician.  But he only does it for fun and mostly it's big shows, like he's seriously a semi-famous illusionist.  Today at work after c...

So during my daily peruse of TheFrisky.com , one of my favorite websites, I stumbled upon a photo collection of the 8 Most Amazing Tongues . Of course I had to take a look and I'm not ashamed to say when this picture popped up it made my mind immediately go dirty.  Just imagine what these people could do with these tongues. From left to right. Nick Afansiev: 3.5 inches, second longest tongue in the United States Stephen Taylor: 3.86 inches, currently the Guinness World Records holder for longest tongue, longest tongue in the UK Chanel Tapper: 3.8 inches, second longest tongue in the UK Nick Stoeberl: Allegedly 3.988 inches, challenging Stephen Taylor for the Guinness World Record Well, my horoscope did say I was entering a very horny period... Miranda

It's time to talk about the awesome  Eden Fantasys again because they brought some epic fun into the bedroom a few days ago! A while back, I went on a wild and crazy shopping spree and bought some fun new items. Owen and I had not had an opportunity to use all of them yet, but I decided to start introducing them b/c he loves sex toys almost as much as I do! He walked in yesterday morning to me dressed in this outfit. (No, this is not me...haha) I put this on and did smoky, sexy eye makeup and pulled my hair into a side ponytail. When he walked in, I was on my bed on my knees waiting for him. The look on his face was priceless! He loved this and has talked about it repeatedly since. I'm adding the link here, but it's currently out of stock. When it comes back in, order it! Men go crazy for this!! Owen typically isn't a fan of lingerie b/c he says it just gets in the way and he wants to touch me, but he went crazy over this.  One of the other toys that I ordere...

Illicit Skills Some of this TMI was virtually written for our very own Miranda, she's like MacGyver meets Nancy Drew.  1. Do you know how to pick a lock? Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access? No, my parents never taught me this skill growing up nor have any of my bad boys - Jules Depends on the lock. I've successfully picked a few in my day.  - Miranda 2. Do you know how to open a safe with a rotary combination lock? Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access? What did you find? I can open one yes, but I've never gained unauthorized access or stolen the combo. - Jules I can open one yes but I haven't ever "cracked a safe" without having the combo - though I may have stolen a few in my day. - Miranda 3. Have you ever made a copy of a key you were not supposed to have? Did you use it to gain unauthorized access? What were you looking for? Did you find it? This sounds like something I would have done, but no. I did go with...

So in my “waking life” I’m all blessed out from my period of grounding. Miranda is cool, calm, and collected once again. And yet my “non-waking life” still seems to be in turmoil. Everyone has about 100 dreams on average a night. Some people can remember whole dreams, some remember only bits and pieces, and then there are people like me who remember nothing of the dream from the night before. I used to be one of the people who dream and remember my dreams every night. I could wake up with almost crystal clear recall of them. Incidentally I also used to dream stuff all the time and then have déjà vu days, weeks, and months later when the very thing I dreamed actually happened. Weird! I digress though… So after my dad committed suicide, I stopped dreaming. I know they say you always dream it’s just a matter of whether or not you remember it but to me it felt like I stopped dreaming. When I was going to counseling after he died, my therapist told me that going through something like t...

What a week of weirdos! The 27 year old I've been chatting with is super cute, but I think he's another dud. He seems to want a friend and someone to text with, but after more than a week has not asked me out...next. Now, I've been talking to a guy online for a few months that I met on the dreaded POF (where I met the 27 year old too...clearly it's time to turn that profile off).  In the course of conversation, it turns out that he's a 41 year old guy living in a clean and sober house. If you are unfamiliar with that term, it's basically a boarding house for addicts, many of which have just left prison or treatment and need housing that is affordable. Ok, I could deal with that. He's an addict, but I draw those like moths to flames, so at least he was in recovery, right? Wrong...he emails me kind of out of the blue after no conversation for a few weeks to tell me that he fucked up. He relapsed. Ok, again I can handle...addicts relapse. He was emailing me t...

So I broke grounding rules slightly this weekend. Wednesday night I had a very last minute ticket turn up to a concert so I ended up going with my boss, my sister, and a big group of her friends. It was fun and we all behaved very appropriately. Thursday night my friend’s band was playing and since I hadn’t really been out out in so long I caved and went with D. On the way there she told me that it was Coach’s birthday and he was supposed to be there. I literally demanded she turn the car around and take me home but she dissuaded me by swearing that he wasn’t even going to approach us. She said she’d already laid down the law and told him he wasn’t allowed anywhere near us. And I’m pleased to say that was exactly the case. I saw him across the room when we came in and he stayed as far away as possible. So far in fact that I completely forgot he was there, especially after a cute 25 year old started chatting me up. We danced a little and I let him sneak a kiss but then I sent him on...

Last night was a crazy fun night that ended with me being hungover like a mf today though. I went out last night about 8:30pm with my ex work husband and his Asian gf of the week visiting from her mother land. I hate when he makes me do this b/c these poor women are usually about as exciting as milk toast and rarely speak English. This one was different though...we got a few drinks in her and she was chatty and fun. We left the 1st bar and went to a 2nd one and when we pulled up, we got out beside these guys sitting in the back of a car with the windows up. I live in Hawaii, so if you are unsure of what they were probably doing I'll clue you in...they were in all likelihood smoking weed (though they denied it). So, I'd had a few glasses of wine at this point and I stepped out, smiled at them, and asked in a coy, mother like voice "What are ya'll doing?". Then I busted out laughing over their expressions. We went inside and started drinking and eventually they ca...

Brace yourselves people – in the last 36 hours Miranda has turned down sex TWICE and a date! Has the world started shifting it’s axis? Are we in a time vortex? Is it backwards week? Is the end of time near? Alas, I think grounding has finally set in and shifted ole’ Miranda’s mindset. Monday night after softball Kansas was texting me and asked me to come over. I initially said I’d take a rain check because it was late, it was a Monday night, and I was tired. Then Tuesday night he was texting me again. Asked me to come over and give him some “TLC.” I hesitated and spent about the next 30 minutes in stunned silence because I realized that despite my raging hormones, I really didn’t want to just have sex with someone. Trumpets blared. The skies parted. A spotlight shone on my wonderment. I was quiet for so long he texted me again and asked if I wasn’t interested and I told him it wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in having sex but it was that I’d rather have sex with someone I’m in a ...

This week’s  TMI Tuesday questions  focus on sexual desire. 1. Answer the question: What makes you hot? Sex makes me hot! I love sexting, foreplay, the actual act, afterplay...yep pretty much the whole deal. Kissing does it for me too if he's a good kisser. - Jules Everything is making  me hot these days. Remember my horoscope said I'd be a horn dog for months to come lol.  Seriously, I love the whole anticipation phase leading up to the first everything.  That agonizing "waiting" period makes me hot! - Miranda Men in suits. Men in tuxedos. Men in uniform. Men in camo. -Gwyn 2. What is it that you want, when you look at porn? a. To feel happy b. To learn c. To relax, relieve tension d. To orgasm D. Duh - Jules I'm not much for porn but when I've watched it it's usually out of fascination to see what weird stuff is out there.  - Miranda I'm not big on the porn either but I have watched it for both B and D. Watching porn to relax and feel happy...