Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

After 6 weeks of pleading (including him talking to various family members and friends) he wore me down  and I am giving him another chance. He swore things would be different and that getting that big ole kick in the ass woke him up. He's been courting me big time and things have been really different. We will see what happens as time goes on..... Miranda

Peabody keeps asking me for another chance.  He’s saying all the “right” things and promising that everything will be different.  But how many chances does one person get?  How can everything that was wrong just magically change overnight? That’s what I keep asking him back. We all know things, and especially people, don’t just change like that.  And that saying you’ll do something and actually doing it are worlds apart.  He keeps saying he knows he was stupid and complacent, that he was wrapped up in the wrong stuff and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. It just really sucks to finally hear him say the very thing I’ve been wanting to hear all this time. 

One of the best articles I've read in a long time. 6-7-8 was for me http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1603032

The other night I texted Peabody and told him I needed to pick up some stuff from his house (just make up but that stuff is expensive!).  He said he’d leave it on the porch in a less than nice manner.  I went Monday afternoon and picked it up.  Thank heavens he wasn’t there; I felt nauseated the whole way just thinking about having to confront him. Tuesday morning I got a text from him saying that this was not what he wanted and he didn’t want to lose me.  I again told him we were at an impasse and wanted different things and then he called me and for all intents and purposes begged for a second, scratch that, third chance.  He said he’d work on all his issues and he realized how selfish he’s been and that he was committed to making things different if I’d just give him the chance.  I told him saying you’ll do something and doing it are two very different things. Later Tuesday at work I had a delivery.  Flowers.  First time he’s ever ...

Well as things tend to do, life has decided to come crashing in.  After almost three years with Peabody (give or take a couple months) things have bottomed out.  I probably should never have given him another chance but hindsight is 20/20.  He’s not a bad guy, he’s really not.  He’s probably the best guy I’ve dated, but lord is he far from who I need to end up with.  He’s a guy who likes to be a martyr and be crushed under the weight of his baggage.  And that’s so not me.  I’m all for a good short term pity party but after a while that crap just gets old.  Quite honestly after we got back together the first time, everything was really good.  I’m not even sugar coating that, that’s the truth.  It felt like things were on track, I was happy and we were headed somewhere.  Then last year he got laid off and slowly but surely it started falling apart.  If you ever read this blog in the past, you know Miranda has a real ...

I have noticed recently that every single person I know my age (ish) is in one of two boats. They either are in little kid survival mode or they are in a relationship and unhappy as fuck. I mean literally everyone, whether they are fully ready to admit it or not. The ones in so called happy relationships are irritated with their significant others and complain about it constantly to others, yet do nothing to change it. The ones in admittedly unhappy relationships are making serious plans to get out. It's crazy. I don't know if it's one of those things going on with the universe right now or if our generation is simply ill  equipped to manage relationships or maybe it's just the people I know? Me? I'm cruising...living with my kid, my BFF (who is a pain right now bc he took a job he hates and is miserable but this too shall pass), and still fucking Owen every week with lots of sexting and playing in between. I don't have anyone to worry about right now but mysel...

So my life has done an epic 360, Russell and I are moving back in together next weekend. As I said in my previous post, just as roommates, but it ended up being harder for me to swallow than I had thought it would be. I feel like it is a huge regression for both of us, but I feel like it will be such a good thing for Chloe. The regression part comes from I feel like if I'm doing his thing again I should kinda stick with it until she graduates. I hate commitment in any form, so this is hard for me. It is also unrealistic given my personality to think I'm going to resume this living arrangement and then just coexist in the same house for the next 7 years, but I don't know. It feels big. I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill. I feel like I would suck on an epic level as a mom though if I move back in with her dad, meet a guy a few years down the line, and move us out. I think it would make her feel like a child of divorce all over again. She knows we aren't back to...