Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

I’ve been thankful that Peabody has his kids the same weekends I have mine. It definitely makes dating easier and allows our kids to spend time together too which I think it important.  Example – we’ve done everything from taking them to the fair to playing at home to lunch/movies with them as a group.  I think it’s a good think for the kids to get to know each other and for both Peabody and I to see each other acting as a parent and see how we get along with the other one’s kids.  All that being said, Sunday nights are really hard for him when the kids go back to their mom’s.  He’s only had the kids every other weekend (and a couple weeks in the summer) since they’ve been divorced and he really would like more time with them.  Something he is going to likely go back to court for this spring if his ex doesn’t want to compromise.  When they split, his kids were really little, like 6 months old and 2 years old, and everyone told him it was best for them...

Last night I had one of those random dreams that creeps you out and makes you wake up with your heart pounding and pulse racing.  It took me a while to calm back down and as I lay there my mind was drifting from topic to topic. I was thinking about Peabody and how all we did was hang out at home this weekend and it was a blast.  I was laughing at the fact he brought me a “good” voodoo doll back from New Orleans instead of an “evil” one because he was scared to bring it on the plane.  How my relationship with Peabody is so different from anything I’ve experience before. Thinking about how much things have changed in my life in the last year. Just those sorts of things. Somewhere along the way I started thinking about Duckie and how things were with him.  I like to reminisce that I was very protective of my relationship (till my downfall with Sawyer that is) and I was by and large. I didn’t flirt or go out with single girlfriends.  But then I started thinkin...

Yesterday, Russell and The Fisherman were supposed to meet on a hike, but it is winter in Hawaii and it rains a lot this time of year. Needless to say, no hike occurred. Russell suggested an afternoon of games on the porch drinking, but The Fisherman really wasn't into that idea so I simply invited him for dinner. after much discussion over what would be a suitable activity. He came over at the appointed time with 2 bottles of really nice wine, which made Russell instantly like him. LOL, Josie pointed out he knows his audience! We ate and they talked and talked. I went inside a few times for things and to tend to Chloe and such and they kept chatting away. It was really, really nice! I could tell they both liked each other. As I was leaving last night to go to The Fisherman's, where I pretty much spend every night and rush home in the am before Chloe gets up, I thanked Russell for being nice. He said it wasn't hard and he really liked him. He thanked The Fisherman befor...

Russell is back. I'm excited to have him home. The Fisherman seems less than thrilled b/c it's cutting into my time with him. I absolutely adore The Fisherman. I mean like in a way I see us being together for a very, very long time but his insecurity makes me a little crazy. I don't like this part of being in a relationship. I know it's weird. I know it's hard to wrap your head around if you don't know Russell and I, but it seems like I'm at a crossroads where I'm really going to have to make some decisions and I chose the bf. I've been apathetic about filing for divorce. I hate that kind of paperwork thing, so I was going to let Russell do it. Now that The Fisherman is around though and I finally have a job with benefits, I'm going to look into filing the paperwork myself to give him some peace of mind that I really am his. The Fisherman is coming for Thanksgiving, so I suspect they will meet each other very soon! Stay tuned for how that goes....

So Monday night I had a delightful conversation with Peabody where we were making plans to do things over the next few months including New Years Eve. When I got off the phone with him I sent a quick text to the girls saying that after making all these plans maybe I needed to let go of my insecurity related to him and just accept that he likes me. Gwyn queried why I was feeling that way, something I’ve discussed at some length with Jules (my private therapist) and I gave her my pat answer of it being because I’m dumb and get insecure. Tuesday morning I was ruminating about it a little and considering calling my trusty counselor for a checkup session when I hopped on my work’s employee benefits site to look at our Employee Assistance Program to see if they had a therapist I could do a couple free sessions with. As I read over some information something dawned on me that should have a long time ago. I know I have some minor form of PTSD from my dad’s suicide. Hell my whole fami...

This weekend Peabody took me to the mountains of Virginia for a music festival. It was really just want I needed to not be focused on the anniversary of my dad’s death and we had a fabulous time and I feel like it moved our relationship forward a little bit. We left Thursday afternoon and I will admit I was a wee bit nervous because I didn’t know how I’d feel crying in front of him (which I was surely going to do) and because this is the longest we’ve been together (just the two of us). I always think a “road trip” is an ultimate test of a relationship and I’m happy to say I feel like we passed with flying colors. Over a weekend of much drinking and indulging we met some of the craziest cast of characters ever. Hippies, stoners, old people, young people, people with names like Wild Bill, Jeb, Fireman Mick, Elvis, and much more. Hell we even met some swingers! Friday morning around the campfire we started talking to this couple who were really very nice.  Immediately s...

The Fisherman is very much into toys. He's into a lot of fun things and has really pushed me to be more dominant in bed, which is something it turns out I like way more than I anticipated having always been submissive in bed. We switch it up though and it turns out we both like spankings, a lot. I've taken my hairbrush to his ass a few times and I'm going to get one tonight like I give him but I really want one of these whips  from our favorite sex store, Eden Fantasys . I want him to know he's been spanked. ;) One of our other working fantasies is a swing. I'm pretty sure this is on my Christmas list!! He has a lanai that is ocean front, but the way the building is situated, no one can really see in. I want one of these swings  to hang outside so that we can go out there at night and fuck with the ocean behind us and rock both outside sex and swing sex at the same time!! I've never been in one of these but they look like soooooo much fun! The Fisherman is a...