I'm Not Ghosting You- I Promise!

 

I know, I know. I was all “Miranda is back!” And then I disappeared – or as the young folk say I ghosted you.  The truth is I’m struggling to find my voice.  I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago – hell I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago. But then none of us are.

I’m dating – a lot lol. That part of Miranda hasn’t changed.  Since I left Peabody, I’ve had two relationships, I had a “situationship” with Sawyer – yes the Sawyer from the past  – that almost became a real thing much to my shock, and then I’ve been on dozens of dates with multiple random other guys.

I’m finding that even over the last year alone I’ve really started to figure out, or at least get closer to figuring out what exactly I want. I’ve dated guys with wildly differing income levels, life experiences, education and career pursuits.  I feel like I’m being really honest with myself and with them about when things aren’t a good fit. 

In essence, I’m trying to date the way I want to be dated. Does that make any sense?

I’m also finding out that I’ve become pretty damn skeptical, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.  In the beginning of dating in my newly single 40s life I was still pretty wide eyed and optimistic.  As the last year and a half has gone on, I’m increasingly looking for the BS and red flags and the minute a guy comes on too strong I’m out.  There are definitely good elements to all of that but I think there’s probably a balance between being a romantic optimist and a damn salty skeptic. 

I have a whole list of notes to write posts about if that makes you feel better – guys with weird orgasm faces, the guy who said call me daddy in the middle of sex, the guy who I went on FOUR dates with and he was still too scared to make the first move, the guy who was Peabody’s friend that I went out with just to spite him, and lord knows enough analysis about what happened with Peabody to probably make both you and I sick. 

It’s all coming. Just give me time…

Miranda