Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?

Duckie has a date Thursday night! My super-sleuthing led me to believe it and then Sawyer confirmed it for me this morning. I’m so freaking happy! And not selfishly just for me, but actually for him. At the core of all this, I really do want Duckie to move on and be happy. I know from time to time I bitch about him but he is a good man who deserves to be happy and have a woman who will love him entirely and completely. I refuse to believe that he was entirely happy with me, just like I wasn’t entirely happy with him. We weren’t miserable but we were both missing out on a lot by being in a marriage where we each were only putting in 50% on a good day. I know it’s hard for a lot of my friends and family to believe that but it’s the God’s honest truth at the end of the day. I know the last few months have been hard on him and I’m sure me being the one to leave the marriage was a real blow to his confidence or whatever but it was the right thing to do. And one of us had to be ...

OMG how could I forget to tell you this? Last week Duckie texted me and asked if I could keep the kids this Thursday (that’s one of his regular nights). I said sure and asked if everything was ok. He of course ignored that question. We still keep about 85% of our communication limited to text or email. I really wish we would get to the point where we could at least hold a conversation face to face or on the phone that touches on something other than the basics about the kids. Thursday is one of my work concert/bartending nights so I arranged for the kids to stay with my mom and sister. My mom also told me she had seen on Duckie’s Facebook page that he had posted something to the effect of “I’m ready to go out,” and several people (including girls) had replied with “yeah!” and “let’s go!” So apparently Duckie has plans this Thursday. I’m hoping it’s a date but most likely he’s just going out with friends. Either way it’s a big step for him and I’m really happy for him. I hope he...

Just a quick note.  Yesterday when I picked up the kids from Duckie timing was on my side and I saw Sawyer was home from his little cruise.  We did the friendly neighbor wave and then when chatted for just a moment. He said the cruise was “about what I expected” whatever the hell that means and that he’d fill me in on the details ASAP.  Being his first day back at work today, he’s been swamped and not able to tell me much thus far.  I’m dying to know how it was, I’ll admit that much. It’s annoying but I’ll also admit that the magnetic pull that man has over me is ridiculous.  It’s like I pick up an internal vibration when I’m near him.  Like I can feel the electricity in the air between us.  Since several months before the whole affair with him started, I could/can feel it when he’s looking at me.  Every time I have ever looked in his direction he’s been staring at me.  This sounds so dumb but for example yesterday I was si...

My bff is here as I mentioned before and I'm on a man hiatus, which is actually really nice. I'm enjoying less drama at the moment, but I've got to either start shopping at another market or stop sleeping with men in this town. Last night I went to our local market for some last minute things for Chloe's bday  party today and who should I see in line? Owen...OMG...I started acting like I was 16! He caught my eye as I looked up (he must have been watching me), he kind of waved and smiled THAT smile, so I did the same...instantly I thought 'OH FUCK...we're in public...I shouldn't wave, but he waved.' Then I moved onto 'OMG my kid is here!'. Then I looked at him again and he's totally watching us in line!  My worlds collided and it was WEIRD. My bff was behind me oblivious to my flustered self and as soon as we left I told her that HE was in there and to watch the door b/c she could see him come out. He did and totally walked right past us, mean...

I have been spending lots (and I mean lots) of time with Truck Driver lately, pretty much every day he’s home from being on the road. Things have been going well but I still get the feeling he’s not sure about his feelings for me. So, last Friday while we were hanging out I decided to tell him that I thought we’d be better as friends with benefits. That way, I wouldn’t get my feelings hurt and we could still have amazing sex without me worrying about how this is all going to work out. He looked pissed off when I said this but claimed he wasn’t – it was ‘whatever I wanted to do’. At that point, I left to go hang out with The Barber (who had called while I was with Truck Driver). Truck Driver asked me if I was going to come back – I only told him I was meeting up with The Barber to get some money he owed me…which was sort of true! I told Truck Driver I wasn’t sure but I’d think about it. I had a lovely time with The Barber that night but he didn’t stay long and by midnight I was in bed...

With Jules on hiatus and Gwyn swamped with work, I guess I’ll have to amp up my boy life and posting to keep you guys entertained! HA! Seriously, this weekend was a great one. Lawyer Boy Friday night and College Crush Saturday night. But it had some of the most unexpected developments I’ve experienced in a long time…. So Friday Lawyer Boy (LB) and I were going to grab a late dinner and then I was going to take him to downtown to a couple of bars I’ve been to that I thought he would really like. He was pretty stoked by my offer to drive because that meant he could be a little irresponsible and drink his face off LOL. So he got here about 7:30 looking blazing hot. Neither of us were starving so we just hung out here for a while having a couple drinks and listening to some music. LB’s quite a talker but its good conversation. Like all sorts of random and interesting topics and because we are the same age, both have kids, and both have the whole divorce thing going on, there’s l...

I'm on a 2 week hiatus from boys while my BFF is visiting! I'm super excited to see her and I think this time off will allow me to clear my head and start fresh mid June when she leaves. I need to slow down for a minute and see where I want things to go. I'm not feeling the Hungarian anymore after that crazy text convo...I just can't get past the pressure. Owen is back and I may sneak off to see him once while she's here, but that's just b/c I'm weak and I love fucking that man. Damien is still telling me how much he's in love with me. I told him yesterday that while my shit is fucked 83 ways to Sunday, he can't even see Sunday anymore. I adore him as a friend, but that's it...really, I mean it. So my peeps...see you again mid -June...Aloha! -Jules