tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46889913281695020262024-03-05T20:44:53.747-05:00Dating After 40: Do Any of Us Really Know What We Are Doing?Marriages Come and Go But Divorce Lasts ForeverInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.comBlogger1055125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-90347970004866521332021-08-06T14:00:00.002-04:002021-08-06T14:00:15.930-04:00Online Dating Duds<p> After the Return of Sawyer debacle I went back to online
dating and discovered a string of totally unsuitable and unappetizing guys but
they gave me some good laughs.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was a friend of Peabody’s who remembered meeting me
but I didn’t remember meeting him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was super conservative and a Trump lover but I went out with him out of spite
just hoping it would get back around to Peabody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a very unremarkable date in the small
town I live in – again hoping someone would see me and get back to Peabody (I’m
nothing if not a little petty).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
talked and he gave me a sob story about having a legit crazy ex-wife and wanted
a lot of details about Peabody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gossip
travels fast in this small town I suppose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We kissed a little at the end of the night and it wasn’t bad but it also
wasn’t anything to want to take your pants off about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then there was the vet, as in veterinarian, who was so old
fashioned he didn’t have a cell phone – at least that’s what he told me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he also had a fan page on Facebook for
his cat with like 10,000 followers so who knows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked on the phone several times and I
agreed to a date with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But one day
before our date he said I sounded just like the “nice, calm, sensible, stay at
home, quiet kind of woman he was looking for to move to his farm in Virginia with
eventually.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look Miranda is a lot of things
but she’s not looking to move to a farm with a guy who prefers a landline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ended up canceling the date because let’s
be honest, it wasn’t a good match. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was the doctor (which sounds exciting) who was
recently separated and incidentally works for the same health care system I
work with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was too fresh off the separation
though and he had a bunch of kids and I’m just not looking to raise more
children at this point. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus I think he
was one of those guys scared to really date and who just wanted to be text pen
pals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was also the country red headed guy who looked just
like Prince Harry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was cute as a
button and super nervous when we went out. The date was super awkward until he
had a couple drinks and then he loosened up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was still in the early part of Covid so not much was open and after
we had dinner I invited him back to my house to hang out for a while since
there wasn’t much else to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything
was good until he started kissing me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His kissing was kind of licking all over and around my mouth. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then he was like awkwardly dry humping me for
a while. I wrapped up the make out session pretty quickly and he said “it was a
good thing I had such strong will power because he could tell I was about to
give in.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WTF!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean I legitimately laughed when he said
that and said good bye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked on the
phone a couple times afterwards but it just wasn’t going to happen again. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There’s a saying I love that sums up the vast majority of my
online dating experience - <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure there are
plenty of fish in the sea, but you know what else there is plenty of in the sea
– TRASH!<o:p></o:p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-69675778790329395912021-07-19T15:26:00.002-04:002021-07-19T15:26:31.305-04:00The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same - sometimes - The Return of Sawyer Part 2<p> So yeah Sawyer and I finally got our practically healthy
grown up relationship. I realize how much of an oxymoron that sounds but if you
read any of the old blog where he and I were “dating” we were so immature and ridiculous
then. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The first night he came over we just hung out for a while and
of course he laid one of his trademark knee melting kisses on me right
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The chemistry between us has
always been incredible, definitely unmatched with anyone I’ve been with in my
history. We sat on the couch for a while and just talked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Caught up on the years and how life had been
and all that stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He suggested we grab
some takeout so we went out and he held the door open for me in his giant ass
truck and helped me get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I was
sitting in his truck waiting for him to get in, it was totally surreal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We drove down the road and he started
laughing and said exactly what I was thinking – how weird it was after all
these years and all history to be out in public together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We grabbed dinner and watched a movie and to no surprise we
ended up naked and sweaty in no time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The sex with him was always the thing of fantasies in my head and my
memory had served me well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s super
aggressive in the bedroom and the king of dirty talk and it was just explosive.
Afterwards we laid in bed and he pulled me over to lay on his chest and we just
lay there in silence as he stroked my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again it was so surreal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
eventually had to get up and go home and he kissed me deeply and left with me
wondering what in the hell had just happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The next few weeks were a flurry of multiple times of talking
each day on the phone, he’s a sales rep so he spends lot of time driving and
liked to call me to chat, lots of dinners at home (it was still before
restaurants really opened back up due to Covid) and generally the relationship
being almost everything I had ever dreamed of with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then there was a drunken night of his….<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He had been at a friend’s house nearby and apparently drank
A LOT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He called me around 11:30 and
asked if he could spend the night here instead of driving all the way home. I
of course said yes and a few minutes later he showed up at my door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was all warm and sleepy, I had gone to bed early
for a change, and he barreled in and scooped me up and started kissing me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was DRUNK with a capital D.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made him some food to try to get him to eat
because I knew he would feel terrible in the morning and next thing I knew he
leapt out of bed and buried his head in the toilet throwing up – so so so not
sexy but hilarious to me anyways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
next hour was him alternately laying on the floor of my bathroom holding him hand
while I sat outside the door and then he’d throw up again lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He kept apologizing and saying how sorry he
was and then he started talking about the old days. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He told me he had been truly in love with me back in the
day, we’re talking about a decade ago, and that he had always loved me since
then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said he loved me now and he
couldn’t believe we were actually dating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While I liked hearing all this, I am finally too salty to chalk it up to
more than drunken confessions but it was still nice to hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He finally got the alcohol out of his system
and we went to bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The next morning he felt like all hell with a hangover but
he told me he remembered saying all that stuff and that he hoped I wasn’t
freaked out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him I chalked it up
to being drunk and not to worry about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We then had a weird conversation about going public with our relationship
and the challenges that would bring – it would certainly raise an eyebrow with
our families and exs and anyone who knew about the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We tabled the discussion and spent the next few weeks again
just having an honestly great, easy time together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are incredibly different people but I
started to think about what a public life with him would be like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could I be around his family (they are super
country rednecks and super conservative Trumpers)? What would telling people we
were dating be like?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would I ever truly
trust him given what I know about him? <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I did my best to squash those questions and just be happy in
the present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me when his
ex-girlfriend, who he had lived with and said he had really loved her, reached
out to him around Halloween.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me
when they ended up at the same Halloween party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He also told me how conflicted he felt about us and the feelings she
brought back up when she told him she wanted him back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At this point, I was really struggling with imagining a
public life with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had had this
gorgeous little secret Covid romance but I just couldn’t imagine life out in
the real world so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him to
think about his feelings and if he felt like there was anything lingering with
this girl, he should go explore it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was honestly hard to say that to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even though I knew all the odds were against us being a long term thing,
it was a painful thing to “love someone and set them free.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He hemmed and hawed for a few days about it
and we had some of the most honest and frank conversations I’ve ever had about
love and loss and following your heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Ultimately he took my advice and got back with his ex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was about 10 months ago and they are
still together, living together, and from what I see on social media
happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s texted me and called me a
few times but I’ve tried hard to maintain the distance that is appropriate and healthiest for me. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">About six weeks after they got back together, he came by my house to pick up some stuff he had left here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He made it more than apparent that if I was
down to be his sneaky link he’d be all about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some things never change, but me
understanding and seeing exactly who he is at long long last -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that my friends sure as hell has
changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-54240824595768379592021-07-19T10:48:00.000-04:002021-07-19T10:48:01.790-04:00The Return of Sawyer<p>After I got over the “ick” of the ending with the Rock Star,
I floundered for a few weeks. I tried to
not do the dating apps but of course I was swiping like it was an Olympic sport. In the midst of all that I had a little too
much to drink one night and ended up texting Sawyer….</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yes the SAWYER (read back on the blog to see the whole
details of that relationship) – the cliff notes version is he’s someone I fell
for at the end of my relationship with Duckie (the kids dad) and got caught in
a toxic cycle of him wanting me to be his girlfriend while I was single and he
was not. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After our powerful albeit brief and twisted relationship
ended, we ran into each other over the years totally innocently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was with Peabody and I’d see him at the
grocery store or for one fun basketball season Sawyer’s son played on a rival
team of Peabody’s son and we had to sit across the gym from each other and not
make eye contact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peabody knew about
Sawyer and had a massive insecurity about him despite me actually being a good
girl at that time. Some point shortly before Peabody and I got married I ran
into Sawyer again at the grocery store and we actually stopped and talked for a
few minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me he had finally
ended his marriage and I told him Peabody and I were talking about getting
married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was all very wistful and “what
could have been” but I was a good girl and said my goodbyes. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We always stayed connected via social media but never spoke
again after that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cue the very last
weeks of my marriage to Peabody when he was basically living with his
girlfriend and I was moving out of our home together…. </p><p class="MsoNormal">Somewhere around
November Sawyer texted me to see if I was really getting divorced – I was in the
throes of my angry vague posts on social media period.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him I was and he said low and behold
he was near my office and wanted to stop in to say hello.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was honestly so freaking sad and mad and
miserable I was craving any little bit of a hit that would make me feel good so
I said yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He stopped in and we sat in my office and caught up for an
hour or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He made it known he happened
to be down for a little it and asked if I wanted to have a little “fun.” I did
truly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was just the salve my broken
heart was craving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I was determined
to be good and wait until I was officially out of my house with Peabody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said no thank you and he tried again but I
declined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jules and Gwen aren’t you
proud!!! <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So almost a year after that encounter was when I sent that
fateful drunk text.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shocker – he was
single and I was single.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we made dated
for almost two months after that lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But that’s for another post….<o:p></o:p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-7287823764273336282021-07-15T12:36:00.001-04:002021-07-15T12:36:16.884-04:00Why do Narcissists Like Me???<p>During my painful 18 month split from Peabody, I, thanks in
part to a tremendous therapist, realized that Peabody was a narcissist. And in those final days of dating the Rock Star
I realized that he too was a narcissist.
And in fact, when I look back over the years, a lot of guys I’ve dated
have been various forms of narcissists. WTF!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I read so much on narcissism during my Peabody split I could
write a dissertation on them at this point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For Peabody, he was a Vulnerable Narcissist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vulnerable narcissists are
self-absorbed, entitled, exploitative, unempathetic, manipulative, and
aggressive, and they fear criticism so much that they shy away from
attention. They lack autonomy, have imposter syndrome, a weak sense of
self, are self-alienated and unable to master their environment. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vulnerable narcissists are insecure and
unhappy with their lives and they experience more distress, anxiety, guilt,
depression, hypersensitivity, and shame. They’re conflicted, holding both
inflated and negative irrational views of themselves — the latter which they
project onto other people, their lives, and the future. They require
reinforcement for their grandiose self-image and are highly defensive when
perceived criticism triggers their negative opinion of themselves.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 18.75pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 18.75pt;">The Rock Star had a lot of those
traits but he’s more of a Communal Narcissist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They value warmth, agreeableness, and relatedness. They see themselves
and want to be seen by others as the most trustworthy and supportive
person and try to achieve this through friendliness and kindness. They’re
outgoing like the grandiose narcissist. However, whereas the grandiose
narcissist wants to be seen as the smartest and most powerful, a communal
narcissist wants to be seen as the most giving and helpful. Communal
narcissists’ vain selflessness is no less selfish than that of a grandiose
narcissist. They both share similar motives for grandiosity, esteem,
entitlement, and power, although they each employ different behaviors to
achieve them. When their hypocrisy is discovered, it’s a bigger fall.<span style="color: #231f20; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 18.75pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 18.75pt;">The super over the top aspect of our relationship
was all love bombing which is a classic narcissist tactic to make you feel
connected to them deeply and ultimately let them control you. Peabody wasn’t a
verbal love bomber like the Rock Star but he did it in gifts and travel and experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: #231f20; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The more I dig into my dating history the more I see that I
have dated various forms of narcissists for YEARS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s definitely something I’m hyper aware of
now and honestly something that makes me jump ship very easily now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s a great article on signs you may be
dating a narcissist if you’re interested… <a href="https://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/dating-a-narcissist">https://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/dating-a-narcissist</a><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In counseling talking about Peabody, my therapist hit me
with a revelation that reverberates even two years later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had me talk about my parents and their
relationship with each other and with myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And in the middle of talking about my relationship with my mother, she
said, “We most often either marry someone just like our mother or our father. I
think you married someone like your MOTHER.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was gobsmacked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
had never thought about how much Peabody acted like my mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I had certainly never realized that my
mother was a narcissist. When my dad was alive he was the buffer, he protected
us from her less than positive traits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After he died I always felt like it changed her and over the years talking
to my sister I realize that she was always like this - I just either was too
young, lived far away or had my dad as a buffer to her narcissism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This revelation really changed my relationship with my
mother and made me set hard boundaries with her that never existed before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She doesn’t like it and complains every once
in a while about it now but it is definitely helping keep the relationship healthier
from my side at least. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It also has made me have some big walls up when I first meet
people now and makes me look at them much more critically than I ever did
before. I think I almost approach everyone expecting them to be a narcissist which
probably isn’t the healthiest but I’m all about the growth process these days…<o:p></o:p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-52781352754849748972021-07-14T11:02:00.001-04:002021-07-19T10:20:19.533-04:00The Rockstar<p>So after the failure of the relationship with JJ, I got back
on the dating apps. It was the early
days of Covid so life was weird and there wasn’t much to do. In an odd sort of way those early days when
the world was literally shut down may have finally been what taught Miranda to
be still and be able to just be home. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After a few weeks I started working the dating apps in ernest
and was not seeing much out there besides guys who wanted Covid pen pals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept running into guys who were recently separated
(like a doctor who works for the same company I work for – awkward), I talked
to a veterinarian for a while who didn’t have a cellphone – that’s right he
gave me his email address and landline lol, and then I finally expanded my
parameters to people up to about 50 or so miles away from where I live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still hitting nothing exciting I opted to
upgrade my Bumble membership to see people who had already liked me and
lightening hit. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Enter the Rockstar…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Rockstar was this 50 year old, salt and pepper, tall
legit rockstar – he played guitar in a death metal band for about 20 years –
right death metal hahaha. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a
health care educator by day and could hold a conversation like no one I’ve ever
run into in real life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the moment we
started talking it just flowed and the attraction was palpable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked and texted for a couple weeks
before we took the Covid leap and decided to meet in real life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now this was still during the time that most
of the world was shut down so we planned for him to come to my house and we
could hang out on my porch and I’d cook dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have never been so nervous for a date than in those first
few minutes before he showed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
damn if he wasn’t everything he promised in person!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had an awesome, awesome, awesome first
date and quickly – even by Miranda standards – fell into a relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Before I could blink I was spending my kid free weeks at the
Rockstars house and he was back and forth to mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He immediately changed his kid schedule to
match mine so we would have even more time together and we would literally
spend hours listening to music and talking about everything under the sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got so quickly swept away that I was
sweeping red flags under the rug left and right. It was like being a 16 year
old in the throes of first love again - except the guy I was dating had erectile dysfunction. Yeah that was a new one for Miranda...</p><p class="MsoNormal">But the ED didn't hold the Rockstar back too much, with the right drugs he obviously could handle it but he also had a massive control fetish in the bedroom which was HOT. And he was seriously spectacular with his hands and mouth. Despite the ED, there was nothing lacking in the bedroom. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As time went on, it was harder for me not to notice the red
flags and to keep making excuses for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He had a “crazy” ex, we had to do everything on his schedule because he
had diabetes, he started talking about me moving in with him and moving my kids
to his town, we had a couple minor arguments that were handled fine then we had
a big one at the beach and I saw so many shades of Peabody’s style of arguing
that I took a major step back from the relationship after that trip. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After that trip, I had major PTSD feelings from the end of
my relationship with Peabody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We made it
a couple more weeks and then the Rockstar went off talking about my brother in
law, who is extremely conservative politically and he was an anti-covid person,
and railed for 30 minutes about him and how he never wanted to hang out with
him again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally stopped the conversation
and said I had to go and just hung up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
mean I did think my brother in law was a total douchebag how he handled the
whole covid situation but he’s my family, he’s more of a brother to me than my
own blood brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The level the
Rockstar went off was totally undignified and unjustified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We had a few awkward conversations and things were very
strained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally told him how off
base I thought his comments were and he did NOT like my candor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was supposed to come to my house that
weekend so we could talk in person and I knew it wasn’t going to end well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He eventually showed up and gave me the “we
moved too fast and now I need to back off and we can still hang out/have sex
but I want to be open to dating others” line. I said how weird that was since
he was telling me he loved me and wanted us to live together, etc. and he acted
like I was crazy imagining all that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We ended
the relationship though he did ask if he could spend the night hahahaha. I told
him to hit the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A couple weeks later he got back with his ex-wife who lived three
miles down the road from me lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
lasted about three days in which time he told her I was stalking him, promoting
her crazy self to call me and tell me to back off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ironically she and I know a bunch of the same
people and they all told her she was being crazy and weirdly as Miranda’s life
goes we are pseudo-friends now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At least that’s what she thinks, I like to keep the crazies
on my side as much as I can lol. <o:p></o:p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-61516150010666845692021-07-08T12:44:00.004-04:002021-07-08T12:46:11.231-04:00The Jam Jar <p> I know I keep saying the words are coming but it’s been a
struggle for the first time in my life.
The last two years and especially the last six months have really been
transformative for me. For the first
time, maybe ever in my life, I feel very comfortable just being myself. Weird I know.
But now I want to start catching up on everything that’s happened….</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This isn’t the story of Peabody, I’m not ready for that yet,
just know it was horribly messy and verbally/emotionally abusive and I
literally turned myself inside out to try to save that marriage and thanks to
my awesome therapist, I somehow found myself in the middle of the mess and got
myself out of it as methodically, intelligently and blunting some, but not all,
of the trauma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But this isn’t that story, this is the story of JJ … on
the heels of moving out and into my own house, what did Miranda do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Signed right up for the dating apps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Y’all know single Miranda is never not dating
(well not until more recently but that too is a story for another day).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So JJ was a guy I met and quickly got into a
relationship with on the heels of moving out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was the perfect rebound guy, even though I didn’t classify it as a
rebound at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a super
tall, football player type guy with the brain of a total computer programmer
nerd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a massive first date where
basically I spilled out all my trauma – both dad and Peabody – and he took it
in stride and spilled out his (super controlling ex-wife).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had dinner and drank and had a massive
make out session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was leaving for a
trip with his kids a few days later (going to Disney World – he’s a massive
Disney freak) and he actually sent me flowers while he was gone with the
sweetest note! I have to tell you it was just what my battered heart
needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We progressed rather quickly into a relationship – clearly we
were both a bit co-dependent and of course slept together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now let me tell you this man – was tall and
broad in all the ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told one of my
friends here to think of a jam jar – hahahahah - hence he's know as JJ here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The sex was something other worldly and not just because I had been celibate
for almost a year through the end of my marriage. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He flipped me over, around, upside down, in,
out and every which way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sex was phenomenal
to say the least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though he did have the
oddest orgasm face I’ve ever seen – it was like his mouth would form this
perfect little o and his eyes would get all big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s hard to describe but I will never get it
out of my head lol. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Interestingly while we were dating I never really wanted him
to meet my friends or my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually
that was always my thing, once the “relationship” was defined I would be all
about integrating that person into my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But something was holding me back with JJ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As time went on, I kept thinking about that
and also why if things were as great as they seemed, why I wasn’t even getting close
to being open emotionally with him. (Now retrospectively I know it was trauma
holding me back, and the beginning understanding of who I really wanted in a
partner.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After a series of either rescheduled or canceled dates
because his ex-wife kept changing her plans and thus his childcare kept changing,
I was getting pretty irritated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We took
a leap and booked a cruise together and then of course Covid hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cruise was canceled, life was canceled lol. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He already worked from home and I, like most people in the
world, got sent to working from home and I expected that we would still be able
to see each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very shortly I
realized that would not be the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
a phone call a week or two into Covid, he told me his ex-wife was insisting
that he and I not see each other during Covid to protect their kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now she could see her boyfriend, but
apparently it wasn’t ok for JJ and me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I let that marinate for a day or two and then I was like this is
BS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I told him that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him, nicely, that while I had enjoyed
our time together, if he was going to let his ex-wife rule our relationship I was
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was upset and tried to change
things with her but I told him it was too late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had seen the flash forward of a relationship years in the future with
JJ and all I could feel was irritation that his ex-wife would always be an
issue because he didn’t have BOUNDARIES!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We parted amicably and have actually kept in touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He credits me with him making a lot of progress
with his relationship with his ex and setting boundaries and even with him
buying a new house and a bunch of other stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He has actually asked me 4-5 times to give him another chance but I
always say no and that all we can be is just friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He continues to try and even has tried to get
some of our mutual friends to plead his case so now I’ve had to set more
BOUNDARIES of my own in our relationship lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I knew then deep down inside, and I still know now that
JJ and I are not supposed to be a couple. But damn to do I miss that jam jar
of his…..<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-9526357383610764712021-04-19T22:22:00.001-04:002021-04-19T22:22:06.007-04:00Ugh<p>Men suck. That’s all I really have to say about that topic. </p><p>My words are starting to find their way back to me. I need the catharsis of writing. Get ready...</p><p>Miranda - the disgruntled lol</p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-44646253136109495202021-02-18T10:56:00.002-05:002021-02-18T10:56:38.501-05:00I'm Not Ghosting You- I Promise!<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal">I know, I know. I was all “Miranda is back!” And then I disappeared
– or as the young folk say I ghosted you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The truth is I’m struggling to find my voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago –
hell I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago. But then none of us are. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m dating – a lot lol. That part of Miranda hasn’t
changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I left Peabody, I’ve had
two relationships, I had a “situationship” with Sawyer – yes the <a href="http://infidelitychronicles.blogspot.com/2010/04/why-cant-i-quit-you.html">Sawyer </a>from
the past – that almost became a real thing much to my shock, and then I’ve been on
dozens of dates with multiple random other guys. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m finding that even over the last year alone I’ve really
started to figure out, or at least get closer to figuring out what exactly I
want. I’ve dated guys with wildly differing income levels, life experiences,
education and career pursuits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel
like I’m being really honest with myself and with them about when things aren’t
a good fit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In essence, I’m trying to date the way I want to be dated.
Does that make any sense? <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m also finding out that I’ve become pretty damn skeptical,
I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
the beginning of dating in my newly single 40s life I was still pretty wide
eyed and optimistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the last year
and a half has gone on, I’m increasingly looking for the BS and red flags and
the minute a guy comes on too strong I’m out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are definitely good elements to all of that but I think there’s
probably a balance between being a romantic optimist and a damn salty
skeptic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have a whole list of notes to write posts about if that
makes you feel better – guys with weird orgasm faces, the guy who said call me
daddy in the middle of sex, the guy who I went on FOUR dates with and he was
still too scared to make the first move, the guy who was Peabody’s friend that
I went out with just to spite him, and lord knows enough analysis about what happened
with Peabody to probably make both you and I sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s all coming. Just give me time…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Miranda<o:p></o:p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-36434487960707466462020-12-19T21:29:00.004-05:002021-07-08T12:47:32.813-04:00What a long strange trip it has been....<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Man looking back at that last post sucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Four years and some months later I’m sitting
at the other end of the infidelity matrix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yep, a mere 15 months after Peabody and I got married - he
started having an affair that turned into 18 months of hell with him making me
think I was crazy, me being forced to hang out with what was his “friend” and
HER husband (yes she was married as well), him becoming verbally and mentally abusive
and finally, finally him getting busted, fessed up to it and then him going
INSANE when I told him I wouldn’t forgive him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The story is long and complicated and painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The full story will come eventually. I cried
more in those 18 months than I have in my whole life combined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I fought for him and for the relationship –
even when he was at his most abusive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But ultimately I knew I would never forgive him or trust him again, and
I deserve a hell of a lot better life than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I left his sorry ass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Our divorce was official in July, I’m happy (for the most
part) and ok (thanks to a lot of therapy in the midst of all the misery).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve spent the last year dating quite the
array of guys, nursing my wounds, and trying to make better choices – all while
dealing with the craziness Covid has thrown into our world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some days I’m bitter and angry. Some days I’m happy and full
of light. Thankfully there are a lot more good days than bad now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know opening up and writing about what
happened will bring some people that told me I got just what I deserved based on
my past behavior – and maybe they are right. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But writing always helped me process my feelings, I consider
it a form of therapy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure some of our
old stories were written for comedic effect or details glossed over to make things
more entertaining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This time around I’m going to try to go for abject brutal
honesty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So buckle up, because Miranda
is back…<o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-86892654886256383842016-11-14T10:00:00.002-05:002016-11-14T10:00:52.412-05:00CodaEvery once in a while fairytales, albeit sometimes long twisting ones, come true. Miranda and Peabody tied the knot. Thank you for the therapy and laughs. Farewell friends.Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-32365333648573695892016-01-11T22:56:00.000-05:002016-01-11T22:56:07.491-05:00Out with the Old, In with the New This is always a popular theme this time of year, but I have taken it by the balls and made it my mantra for 2016! Things with The Captain were going great until he pushed me to finally file my divorce with the Fisherman. I filed last week and he got really squirrelly and said he thought we should put our relationship on hold until it was finalized. Um, what? I did what you asked and now because things might be a little rough (and by that I mean I may have to appear before a judge instead of an uncontested divorce, but whatever), you run? The fuck? No thanks...no need to hold because I'm out. The Captain was an ex-Navy seal. They aren't supposed to be pussies, what happened? By the way, I'd like to add he really manned up and did this via text too. I have zero respect for him now.<br />
So out with the old, except for Owen. Owen is like a warm fuzzy blanket you wrap up in and get fucked into oblivion.<br />
I promptly texted him and took him out of holding and apologized for our break. He came over for lunch today and made me forget I even knew The Captain. Damn I missed him and his giant, magical cock. Life is good. The universe is back in order.<br />
I also promptly went back online to check out cute, available men because even though I don't need to get over The Captain, the best way is always to get under a new man. I have a date with a super hot bodybuilder tomorrow night! He is freaking handsome and built. I swoon. The Captain was sweet and a very nice guy until the end, but he never made my heart race. He was great in bed, but not much to look at outside. This guy is totally something to look at from his pics. Stay tuned...Jules is back in play!<br />
-JulesInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-15772944887525346872015-11-22T16:51:00.000-05:002015-11-22T16:51:57.819-05:00Walk of ShameLast night I got to go out with The Captain for an amazing dinner at a very nice, local restaurant. It was so romantic and I should add in here that I hadn't seen him in almost two weeks. His work schedule has been crazy (as has Russell's) and then when he was off, he got sick and ended up in the hospital for 3 days. So, it was a much needed date night!!<br />
<br />
After dinner we went back to his place and we literally spent the next 3 1/2 hours having nonstop sex. Well we would stop for about a minute after he came and then start right back. It was awesome!! We decided maybe we should see less of each other (not really but damn it was great reunion sex)!<br />
<br />
I should mention that I quit seeing Owen right after I started seeing The Captain. Sex with The Captain rivals Owen sex and if I can get that from my boyfriend, no need for Owen. Owen still texts me every other day or so, but I've stood firm.<br />
<br />
Anyway back to the actual story, I normally get up and leave in the middle of the night because of Russell's work schedule so I'm here for Chloe. Last night, Chloe had a sleepover so I stayed the entire night. I woke up early at The Captain's and laid there talking to him but because his room faces sunrise and it was like high noon in there, I couldn't fall back asleep. I also wanted to leave before his son or mom woke up. I've met his son once briefly but not in a capacity where I felt like seeing me in my dress from the date before was ok. So I leave quietly as to not wake The Captian up because he fell back to sleep and I go outside and reach for my keys and realize they are in his bedroom. Fuck.<br />
<br />
I am standing outside in my low cut black dress from the night before (The Captain loves my boobs, a lot), my glasses on because I had to take out my contacts, and my hair up in a crazy ass ponytail that screamed I was fucked all night. His door locks with a code, which I do not know because he always let me in!! They don't have a doorbell, not that I wanted to ring it anyway, and the condo is super sound proof so I knew he wouldn't hear me knock either. I also knew he probably had his phone off, but I start repeatedly calling over and over and texted him why. All of sudden the door opens and I fully expect him to be there with my keys but no, it was his mom! She was leaving to go to church!!! I wanted to fall through the pavement and die but thankfully she was amazing. She let me in, hugged me, told me how nice it was to meet me, gave me her number in case I ever needed it in the future, and told me how pretty my dress was so obviously she must have determined that I make her son happy and therefore regardless of that first impression she was gracious and wonderful. I apologized profusely and told her this was not how I wanted to meet her!! Talk about an epic walk of shame moment, there it is.<br />
-Jules<br />
<br />
PS The Captain and I are taking things very slowly but it is very evident that we like each other a lot. Last week he asked me to go out the country with him and his son this summer, so even though it's moving slowly (which is a nice change of pace), it's also definitely moving forward too. He just makes me feel good. He's a really, really good guy and I'm trying my hardest to be a really, really good girl.Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-70916251410913721662015-10-04T20:31:00.001-04:002015-10-04T20:31:58.377-04:00Drama Queen<div align="left"><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So, I wasn't sure if I would or could write this down, but it happened and I need to put it somewhere.</span></p></div><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">had an abortion on Monday. Who the hell, gets</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">accidentally</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">knocked up by her husband at 39 damn years of age? Me.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Ohh</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">.. I have excuses, my Dad just died, the complete break down of my marriage, birth control just wasn't on my list of concerns. Hubby and I have had sex 3 times in 2 months. I was horny and lazy and he was there. I'm an idiot.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">But see, this has a weird kind of twist. My Mom had a baby(me) at 39, both my sisters had babies had babies at 39/40. I have sworn since the day after my son was born I would not have another and especially not at 40. Was this irony? I don't know, I just know that when I took that pregnancy test it wasn't even a question.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Hubby has been surprisingly supportive and kind about the whole ordeal, even considering the amount of money he had to pay.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">The abortion itself was weird, just an odd situation all around and painful.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Omg</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">,, it hurt and it still hurts. These idiots that suggest that women use it for birth control are, well, idiots.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I'm</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">not sure what I expected, but if I was warned of the amount of pain I don't remember.</span></p><div align="left"><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Oh and just an aside, we are pretty sure that we ran over a protesters foot on the way out. <br></span></p></div><div align="left"><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Hopefully, I'll be able to post something not so drama filled one day. Until then, I am just trying to get through each day without a mental collapse. Wish me luck!</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Josie</span></p></div>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-62222534283109199422015-09-08T04:15:00.001-04:002015-09-08T04:15:43.105-04:00Cocktails and SunsetI had a really nice date with The Captain tonight! We went to one of my favorite restaurants for happy hour and had a few glasses of wine and then he suggested a sunset walk on the beach, yes please! It was very romantic and our first kiss turned into this one really long amazing one. He has a beard, which I'm not crazy about and thought I would hate kissing him, but it wasn't a big deal.<br />
I like him a lot and I'll probably date him for a little while, but he doesn't make my knees weak yet. He's stable and kind and those are some attractive qualities. We have a lot in common. I'm definitely interested in seeing it play out more. He leaves tomorrow night for 5 weeks, so I guess that will be the true test too. He comes home periodically during that time but I don't know how much I'll see him then because I would imagine that's family time, as it should be.<br />
-JulesInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-35129246356658650452015-09-07T04:20:00.000-04:002015-09-07T04:20:13.085-04:00The Captain Well, it seems Jules likes her boat captains! I went out to lunch with a guy yesterday who is a boat captain! If you remember, The Fisherman (or ex husband #2) was also one. Of course this one says he is a real one because he captains a real boat and not a tour boat.<br />
I like him!! He's got some potential. I'm actually going out for happy hour with him tomorrow too! So he's 41-42, super stable, owns his house (which is a big deal in Hawaii), works a great job making really good money, tall and stocky, and he hates sports except for surfing...all wins. The downside is he is a single dad to a 13 year old boy and because he's gone for 5 weeks at a time with his job, his mom moved here to help with his son and she lives with them!!!<br />
He's super sweet and kind of shy, but really easy to talk to and can carry on a conversation without long, awkward pauses. He pulled out my chair at lunch, held doors, and didn't try to paw at me in the parking lot after lunch. He has great manners. I actually talked to him on the phone tonight for like half an hour. I never talk to anyone (even my own mama) for that long on the phone. Originally from the South, he went to college for a few years and didn't excel, so he joined the Navy and became a Seal. I'm not into the military at all, but that's a little badass.<br />
Anyway, we shall see how date #2 goes tomorrow, but I'm calling him Captain. (The fact that I named him is a good sign.)<br />
-JulesInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-21526764401382728402015-09-03T07:38:00.001-04:002015-09-03T07:38:23.461-04:00A new member of the dead dads club<div align="left"><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Josie, a childhood friend of Jules and Miranda joins the blog today. If you're a long time reader you may remember Josie and her errant husband Dave as the schoolyard friends who helped Miranda move not once but twice she since </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">her divorce. To say the least, life has changed for them...</span></p></div><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></p><div align="left"><p dir="ltr"></p></div><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My Dad, my hero died July 16, 2015. He wasn't always perfect but after caring for my Mom relentlessly for 12 years with Alzheimer's he paid his</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">penitence</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">There is no penitence for what my husband did in the days that followed my Dad's death. </span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">July 17th we went shopping for appropriate funeral attire. (after losing my Mom in 2011 I wouldn't keep those things in my house). I lost my wallet/cellphone, I set it down mindlessly and it was stolen. My husband, (who has been</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">referred</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">to as Dave in the past and from now will be here) lost his shit. He yelled at me in front of our son and strangers about being a stupid, wasteful cunt. There was no "accidents happen" nor " you just said goodbye to the person who has known you since the day you were born, of course you are a little off"... Nope straight to "stupid</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">bitch".</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My son and I did not sleep in the house that night, we slept at my dead Dads house. July 18th, visitation day. It sucked,</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Im</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">an</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> atheist</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">so a bunch of</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">christians</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">saying he is in a better place, happy again with my mother did nothing but piss me off. I know for a damn fact my Dad would be happier alive spending time with my kid, which he did often.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Anyway, I gave Dave the benefit of doubt and asked if he wanted to go to the visitation with us and stand in that stupid "lets hug cause he is dead" line. At this point, i had forgiven his outburst because i thought maybe he was more touched by Dads death than i realized and the kid really needed us both, it hit the kid hard losing his partner in crime.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">after the 4 hour hell, of reliving my dads last breaths to people i didn't remember meeting, we got in the car to head home. My nerves completely shot,</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> Xanax</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">wasn't touching my issues. Dave lit into me again, apparently my sisters ignored him and other family members didn't give him enough attention. To be fair, I did lose it here and</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> I'm</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">not sure what i said in response. I was way beyond pissed off, I screamed enough that my throat hurt the next day.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Fast forward, after the burial, we had a family thing at my middle sister's house. Dave and my sister do not like each other at all, which is</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">ok</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">because i don't care for her much either. But our Dad is dead, so we are trying to figure out a relationship. BUT, less than an hour after we planted Dad, Dave</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> couldn't handle</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> being at her house anymore. He commenced yelling at me "I have shit to do, i can't be here all day!" and when approached by my very large, young Marine nephew... "Fuck that bitch, fuck you all" and then had his Dad pick him up. It was bad, so bad that every relative is still worried about me. I confronted him that same day and he</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> didn't</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">have any clue that he was in the wrong. It was a month before he admitted that it was the "wrong time" for his outburst but to this day he has not apologized.</span></p><div align="left"><p dir="ltr"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So thats where i begin, i have not been an award winning wife, but being a good daughter is in my blood. I will make my Daddy proud and leave this jackass. </span></p></div>Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-84114114422397585332015-09-03T07:09:00.002-04:002015-09-03T07:09:41.001-04:00Way Back Wednesday (although now it's Thursday)Today was weird. I did go out with Guy #3 tonight. I would name him but since I probably won't ever go out with him again, why bother? We went for drinks at a local bar and it was nice, but just nice...no chemistry and he talked about his drama a lot during the date. I'm a social worker all day, I don't want to hear about your shit in my downtime unless we are friends.<br />
The super weird part of the day though was Clark. Remember Clark from like 4 years ago? He's still in NC but he messages me on FB today and we started chatting and he told me how he had loved me and would welcome me back in his life and oh yeah, did I want a roommate bc he wants to move back to Hawaii?! For real...I told him I had one, Russell. It was so strange though bc even after all this time, these strange feelings resurfaced. I told him with his ability to control people, he really should be using his powers for good. Where in the world did the universe find him?!<br />
-JulesInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-58110679201106569442015-09-02T04:15:00.000-04:002015-09-02T04:15:03.331-04:00The Pool is Open! Well I have finally decided to date again and it's already been fun, funny, and frustrating. I met a really nice guy that I thought had a lot of potential, but I was wrong. He works like all the time and is very self involved, which is fine. I don't need a clinger. He started off as a clinger and then moved into a weird zone. Then we had sex and it was ok. Ya'll know ok sex is never ok in my book...ever. After that I was kind of like "eh", then we did it again and while the sex was slightly (just slightly) better that time, I found out he snored and asked him to leave. I texted him a few days later and said I was out. I can't date someone that the sex is just ok and he snores on top of it.<br />
Then I met a cop online and a local boy at that. I've never dated a local guy, by that I mean Hawaiian. I like him but his life seems like it has some drama so I'm proceeding with caution. He has an ex wife and 2 kids. I was supposed to go out with him Sunday but due to a medical issue (hives) on my end I had to bail. I don't know that I want to reschedule, but I might. He seems really nice and he's cute.<br />
Next up, we have the construction worker. He has the most drama and of course the guy I decided to go out with. He and his ex wife are involved in a nasty custody dispute. He wants full custody of his two boys. He's older too, like 12 years older than I am. We may go out tomorrow night if I can commit to it. It just seems like it could be messy with that whole custody issue. I also don't want two boys hanging around all the time. I like easy. Guy #1 would have been easy but on the flip side it does raise some red flags when a guy is almost 40 and has never been married. I know, I know...you can't please me.<br />
Meanwhile, I am still getting fucked regularly by Owen and it continues to be mind blowing. A guy is really going go have to be impressive for me to ever walk away from that sex. There are no current contenders in that area. Owen sex is the best I've ever had and it's been going strong since 2009.<br />
I read a comment the other day from an old post about how to recover from being cheated on. Um, thanks but I'm the mistress. ;)<br />
-JulesInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-69167243366934374322015-08-17T13:46:00.002-04:002015-08-17T13:46:53.531-04:00Two Minute UpdateAfter 6 weeks of pleading (including him talking to various family members and friends) he wore me down and I am giving him another chance. He swore things would be different and that getting that big ole kick in the ass woke him up.<br />
<br />
He's been courting me big time and things have been really different. We will see what happens as time goes on.....<br />
<br />
MirandaInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-13165037014979564732015-06-16T13:15:00.002-04:002015-06-16T13:15:03.046-04:00The More Things Change the More They Stay the Same<div class="MsoNormal">
Peabody keeps asking me for another chance. He’s saying all the “right” things and
promising that everything will be different.
But how many chances does one person get? How can everything that was wrong just
magically change overnight? That’s what I keep asking him back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all know things, and especially people, don’t just change
like that. And that saying you’ll do
something and actually doing it are worlds apart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He keeps saying he knows he was stupid and complacent, that
he was wrapped up in the wrong stuff and that he wants to spend the rest of his
life with me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It just really sucks to finally hear him say the very thing
I’ve been wanting to hear all this time. <o:p></o:p></div>
Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-77975866290112429482015-06-11T07:25:00.001-04:002015-06-16T13:15:29.400-04:00Good advice is worth what you pay for itOne of the best articles I've read in a long time. 6-7-8 was for me<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1603032</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-43667767935290898552015-06-09T16:13:00.001-04:002015-06-09T16:13:15.839-04:00For Whom the Bell Tolls<div class="MsoNormal">
The other night I texted Peabody and told him I needed to
pick up some stuff from his house (just make up but that stuff is
expensive!). He said he’d leave it on
the porch in a less than nice manner. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went Monday afternoon and picked it up. Thank heavens he wasn’t there; I felt
nauseated the whole way just thinking about having to confront him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tuesday morning I got a text from him saying that this was
not what he wanted and he didn’t want to lose me. I again told him we were at an impasse and
wanted different things and then he called me and for all intents and purposes
begged for a second, scratch that, third chance. He said he’d work on all his issues and he
realized how selfish he’s been and that he was committed to making things different
if I’d just give him the chance. I told
him saying you’ll do something and doing it are two very different things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later Tuesday at work I had a delivery. Flowers.
First time he’s ever sent me flowers (he’s brought them to me twice but
this was the first real delivery). I
spent the rest of the day awkwardly answering questions about them and telling
my team we’d broken up. Felt like
repeated being poked with a hot poker. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My emotions are very torn.
Part of me is really sad that it took breaking things down to this level
to get the response I wanted out of him and part of me is raging mad that it
took breaking things down to this level to get that response. This is ridiculous. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I know myself well enough to know that even if I was going
to give him a third chance, which I’m not, it would be doomed. I have so much
resentment and frustration built up in me that I’d question everything he was
doing and constantly be “testing” him which wouldn’t be fair to anyone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Relationships really suck sometimes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-18896423869195058972015-06-07T20:31:00.002-04:002015-06-07T20:31:35.741-04:00Well Well Well Miranda is Back <div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Well as things tend to do, life has decided to come crashing
in. After almost three years with Peabody (give or take a couple months)
things have bottomed out. I probably should never have given him another
chance but hindsight is 20/20. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">He’s not a bad guy, he’s really not. He’s probably the
best guy I’ve dated, but lord is he far from who I need to end up with. He’s a guy who likes to be a martyr and be
crushed under the weight of his baggage. And that’s so not me. I’m
all for a good short term pity party but after a while that crap just gets
old. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Quite honestly after we got back together the first time,
everything was really good. I’m not even sugar coating that, that’s the
truth. It felt like things were on track, I was happy and we were headed
somewhere. Then last year he got laid off and slowly but surely it
started falling apart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">If you ever read this blog in the past, you know Miranda has a
real weakness for falling for someone’s potential rather than their reality and
I can let a lot of things slide but I finally have bottomed out with Peabody.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">He did get another job finally but things were off track.
Somewhere along the way I was trying hard to cover up for the fact that I was
seeing more and more flaws. Gwen can
attest to that. And it may be all kinds
of wrong but when a man loses his motivation and begins to wallow more and
more, it just gets damn hard to feel like you want to be tied to him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I’ve soldiered on over the last six months trying to make things
right and gloss over the issues that kept bubbling to the surface of my
conscious but the walls were slowly and surely falling down. Push finally came to shove and I told him I
needed to have a plan for the future and he said he doesn’t feel like he can
make that kind of commitment until his kids are older. And apparently he’s
feeling like his definition of “older” means 18. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">It’s not the first time we’ve talked about a future but the
first time I told him it was time to shit or get off the pot (I think that’s
the way the saying goes). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Whatever. It’s a BS reason but if he’s dumb enough to let
me walk away that’s his loss for sure. And quite honestly there have been
more times that I’d care to admit that I’ve thought about breaking up with him
only to get reeled back in by focusing on his potential instead of his reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The “final” conversation finally started about a week ago. We spent most of a terrible night arguing and
him admitting that he’d rather punish himself for his past than try to be happy
with a future. Over the last week our
communication has been very stilted with a redux of the same argument Tuesday
night. Friday he asked me to have a
cookout over the weekend with all the kids.
I declined and he got mad and basically had a temper tantrum saying I
was being mean. Later that night he
unfriended me on Facebook. Guess that
was his way of beating me to the punch of making the break up official. I haven’t heard from him since. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I’m doing a really good job at being flippant but that’s mostly
because I feel like I’ve been prepping for this for a while. Any way
about it, I’m ok. I really am. It
feels weird not to talk to him and to be completely disassociated with him when
he’s been my focus over the last few years.
I’m currently making myself a list of things I want to do around the
house to keep me busy for the next few weeks.
I’ve also become a runner (oh the horrors) over the last six months and
am working on training for a 10K so that’s going to keep me busy too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The thought of reentering the dating pool a year shy of 40 both
horrifies me (I’ve become complacent in a relationship) but also excites me. I
do love the thrill of the unknown; the first touch; the first kiss, etc.
But the thought of starting at ground zero, weeding through the crazies and
doing the whole get to know you dance right now frankly feels exhausting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">There’s a part of me that wants to rush right out and get in the
mix but I feel like I need to take at least a few weeks off to just be Miranda. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Infidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-45548383090903707642014-10-23T06:00:00.001-04:002014-10-23T06:00:39.843-04:00Is it Me? I have noticed recently that every single person I know my age (ish) is in one of two boats. They either are in little kid survival mode or they are in a relationship and unhappy as fuck. I mean literally everyone, whether they are fully ready to admit it or not. The ones in so called happy relationships are irritated with their significant others and complain about it constantly to others, yet do nothing to change it. The ones in admittedly unhappy relationships are making serious plans to get out. It's crazy. I don't know if it's one of those things going on with the universe right now or if our generation is simply ill equipped to manage relationships or maybe it's just the people I know?<br />
Me? I'm cruising...living with my kid, my BFF (who is a pain right now bc he took a job he hates and is miserable but this too shall pass), and still fucking Owen every week with lots of sexting and playing in between. I don't have anyone to worry about right now but myself and Chloe and it feels really good, especially looking in on other's lives. I'm sure it's boring to read about, but again this too shall probably pass. I hope not for a long while, I'm enjoying the ease of things right now.<br />
-JulesInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4688991328169502026.post-32920892021427161302014-08-04T07:52:00.002-04:002014-08-04T07:52:50.253-04:00The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same So my life has done an epic 360, Russell and I are moving back in together next weekend. As I said in my previous post, just as roommates, but it ended up being harder for me to swallow than I had thought it would be. I feel like it is a huge regression for both of us, but I feel like it will be such a good thing for Chloe. The regression part comes from I feel like if I'm doing his thing again I should kinda stick with it until she graduates. I hate commitment in any form, so this is hard for me. It is also unrealistic given my personality to think I'm going to resume this living arrangement and then just coexist in the same house for the next 7 years, but I don't know. It feels big. I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill. I feel like I would suck on an epic level as a mom though if I move back in with her dad, meet a guy a few years down the line, and move us out. I think it would make her feel like a child of divorce all over again. She knows we aren't back together, but she's 11 and her parents now live together again. Then there is the flip side of dating...it's hard enough to find guys that are cool with a kid, but to also be cool with my roommate, gay, co-dependent, ex husband living across the hall, yeah no. I'm a package deal though, you have to love us all.<br />
Anyway, I have decided that I am putting the whole dating thing on hold for a while, perhaps a long while. I feel like after Gavin (who was just total rebound, not Russell) and now this clusterfuck of a marriage, clearly I have shitty taste in men. I need to work on me for a while. Plus given this new arrangement I certainly won't have a lack of adult conversation and I have Owen to fulfill all of my sexual needs, which he is blissfully doing again on a very regular basis now that the latest husband is out of the way! He has been taking things to new sexual levels and pushing us to try things, it has been amazing!! Russell is definitely my intellectual soulmate and Owen is my sexual one. I'm going to be content with that for now, but it still feels like 2009 all over again when I was married to Russell and fucking Owen on the side. The only difference now is a divorce and open doors (figuratively of course).<br />
-JulesInfidelity Chronicleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05644195667158141992noreply@blogger.com2